In need of some clean humor!

[pam]

How about a 17 year old?

[Truegrits]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-45, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, with lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, sir,' replied the trooper.

[Truegrits]

A young man, raised in the great state of Texas, had struck out on his own, and finally purchased a ranch in Oklahoma. He invited his father out for a visit and took him on a tour of the property. Driving along in the son’s pickup truck, a jackrabbit hopped onto the road in front of them.

The son stopped the truck to let the rabbit pass, the father queried, "What in tarnation is that!?"


The son incredulously replied, "That’s a jackrabbit, Dad, what did you think it was?"

The father shrugged and said, " We grow ’em a lot bigger’n that back home in Texas."

So they went on and a little farther they came to some buffalo roaming the range. The son stopped the truck and the father again said in a puzzled tone, "What are those?"

The son hesitantly said, "Those are buffalo, Dad; you gotta be kidding me. You really don’t recognize them?"

"It’s just that we grow ’em so much bigger back in
Texas."

The son, a bit disgruntled, drove on in silence. At length, they approached a low spot in the road, with marshy wetlands on either side. A large snapping turtle lumbered onto the road. The father peered intently at the creature and said, "Now what the heck is that thing!?"

The son replied, without missing a beat, "Wood tick!"

[daenvgiell]

well seeing as this is the clean humour section I wont tell you that joke where the man fell in the mud and got all dirty, but I can tell you that he took a bath... now that's clean for you!

[pam]

An office manager seems to have continual problems with his computer. Rather than reading the manual, he calls the company's technicians every time. One afternoon, a technician shows up, clicks a couple buttons and solves the problem.

As she is walking away, the office manager calls after her, "So, what was wrong?"

"It was an ID Ten T error," the technician says. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"

"Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?" the technician asks. "No," says the manager.

"Well, write it down," she says. "You'll figure it out."

After she's left, the manager, still puzzled, scribbles the message on a pad of paper: I D 1 0 T.
- - - - -

[DeborahC]

A three-legged dog walked into a saloon, jumped up on the bar and said, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my Paw!"

nyeck nyeck

How do you know if there's an elephant in your refrigerator?
You can see his footprints in the butter!

--------------------

I hope this is clean enough:


The missionaries were visiting the home of some new investigators.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to their repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, one took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When they returned the following day, they found their card stuck in a different spot in the door. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for a Bible to check out the citation, they broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

[pam]

This little boy was complaining to his friend, "My mom won't let me watch public television anymore!" "Why not?" his friend asked incredulously.

"Because it has too much sax and violins!!"

[Truegrits]

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

I actually LOL, which so startled my cats, they went running...

[pam]

Originally Posted by Truegrits

I actually LOL, which so startled my cats, they went running...

I have heard that joke many times but it still makes me laugh.

[rameumptom]

Originally Posted by daenvgiell

well seeing as this is the clean humour section I wont tell you that joke where the man fell in the mud and got all dirty, but I can tell you that he took a bath... now that's clean for you!

Yes, it is clean, but where's the humor????