In need of some clean humor!

[pam]

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.

Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

[pam]

A woman who likes to sing joins the church choir. From time to time she practices while she is in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she starts in on a song, however, her husband heads outside to the porch.

One day, the woman asks her husband, "What's the matter, dear? Don't you like my singing?"

"Honey, I love your singing," her husband replies. "But I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

[HEthePrimate]

An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from the next, until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, "You know, they'd be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time."

The man says, "Yeah, I know, but I have two brothers, one in the States, one in Australia. When we all went our separate ways, we promised each other that we'd all drink this way in memory of the days when we drank together. Each of these is for one of my brothers and the third is for me."

The bartender is touched, and says, "What a great custom!"

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always orders the same way.

One day he comes in and orders two pints. The other regulars notice, and a silence falls over the bar. When he comes to the bar for his second round, the bartender says, "Please accept my condolences, pal."

The Irishman says, "Oh, no, everyone's fine. I just joined the Mormon Church, and I had to quit drinking."

[john doe]

Hmmmm, that joke sounds vaguely familiar, only the guy is from Wyoming.

[Wingnut]

An Irishman Walks Into a Bar...

Hence the familiarity.

[john doe]

No, I'm thinking of one started just the other day.

[HEthePrimate]

Oh, no! Somebody beat me to it!

[pam]

It's one I posted on the Mormon joke forum.

Western Ingenuity

[pam]

A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of riding. "How are we faring?" his king asks.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the West."

"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the West!"

"Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now."

[pam]

A man lies sprawled across three seats in a theater. When the usher comes by and sees the man, he whispers to him, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groans but doesn't budge. The usher becomes impatient.

"Sir," the usher says, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groans, which infuriates the usher. He turns and marches briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager return and stand over the man. Together the two of them try repeatedly to get him off the seats, but with no success. Finally, they call the police.

The policeman who is sent to the theater looks the man over, then says, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Joe," the man moans.

"Where ya from, Joe?" the cop asks.

"The balcony."