family problems and homosexuality

[debi56]

Originally Posted by JHM-in-Bountiful

I came out to my family in May & June of 2007. I met my first long term partner in 2003. During 2003 & 2004 he and I attended family functions. I plainly stated that he was only a friend. My family seemed to like him. In 2005 he moved to another state, I chose to stay behind. That's how the relationship ended. In early 2007 I found another partner. He was kind of hinting that he wanted to be a part of my family. This time I did not want to lie and say I have just another friend. I finally got enough courage and phoned my mother, who lives in another state, and came out to her. Living with her for 32 years, she had no clue about me. Naturally she was upset and several questions raced thruogh her mind. There was no one on her side of the family she could talk to. However, she had a therapist at the time. She already made up her mind that the did not like or trust my new partner. She feared I would contract the HIV virus.
In June 2007 I flew out to Utah for a family reunion. During this time the LDS side of the family knew I was no-longer a member of the church. They still wanted to include me in various church activities. I tagged along as we saw the Manti Pageant and went to Temple Square. I started to feel the holy spirit during the reunion. I was beginning to realize what I was missing. I never was happy living a lifestyle that goes against Heavenly Father's plan. Towards the end of the reunion, I finally came out to my father and step-mother. Eventually my 3 brothers found out too. They still accepted my in the family but was against my lifestyle. They did tell me I could have a fully restored body during the time of the Millennium. I spent the last two days in Salt lake City alone, and visiting the sites. My mind was spinning out of control. At one point I nearly walked in front of one of the TRAX trains to commit suicide. I then made the decision to give up my lifestyle and return to the church.
I now live a celibate life and have no desire to live the way I did. After a year, I got re-baptized and was restored to an Elder. I find it kind of strange that the partner I met in 2007 led me to come out to my family. When I did, I made a 180 degree turn and returned to living a worthy lifestyle. He did not think me coming out would end up the way it did. He is happy for me and for the decision I made. On my profile page I have an Evergreen International video. Evergreen International-Helping Latter-Day Saints overcome same-sex attraction (homosexuality) is a LDS based program for those who are struggling with same gender attraction. It is not directly affiliated with the church. It does go by the church's teachings and even has general authority members speak at some of thier conferences. Church speaking, I'm a success story. However there are chuch members who are happier in pursuing thier other interests regarding relationships. It's ok to love your family member unconditionally. Also it's ok to disagree with their lifestyle. It seems like in the end each one of us will be responsible for our actions we do while on Earth. About all you can do is always continue to pray for your loved ones who are in a different relationship. Maybe they will re-discover where true happiness is.

Wow Jim, thank you for sharing that, it meant a lot to me. I have invited her to church and she said "Maybe", I hope that she will take me up on it. I know that the Gospel can work miracles, sometimes I just forget that changes happen in the Lords' time. I am so happy that you have found your way back.

Thanks again

[YoungMormonRoyalist]

Originally Posted by debi56

A lot of what you have said makes sense, I guess I just view homosexualtiy as worse than premarital sex. My children have lived with boyfriends and girlfriends and when they have come to visit, I did not let them sleep together.
My daughter told me once that she didn't see how they were hurting anyone and I said, "You both are hurting your salvation." I have extended more of an outpouring of love to her. The scripture, "Be still and know that I am God" comes to mind so much and that is comforting but there are times I still wrestle with it.
You are right about the other girl, I don't hold her more responsible than I do my daughter, I guess in all honesty. It is easier to write someone off more so than your own child. I know that there is always something to learn from trials even if they are not your own. Thanks for the advice.

May I point out, for the sake of homosexual members that I know on this board, and for the sake of clarification, that homosexuality itself is not a sin, it's a temptation. To act on it is a sin, as is the case with every temptation. Sorry, I'm not trying to ridicule anything in your post, rebuke you, or cause trouble in any way, I just wanted to clarify. It's a struggle for members because it basically means choosing to be celibate, and for those that do I believe that a greater blessing and a glorious crown awaits them than some heterosexual people.

[Fiannan]

I would think you would handle this the same as you would if your daughter was having a sexual relationship with a man. What if she moved in unmarried? You need to look at this no different than any other transgression. Homosexuality is more repulsive to us because we don't feel the same temptation.

No, not quite. In the instance of a daughter living with a man and unmarried there is always the chance of them getting married and therefore making it all right. There is no such possibility in a same-sex relationship. Also, from a spiritual view again, a heterosexual couple can repent and live according to the Gospel in a married relationship while the same-sex couple cannot have such a possibility and will probably realize this and eventually reject any of the more traditional religions eventually.

I think the Church looks at these things differently too -- or maybe I am wrong. In an unmarried male-female relationship involving sex there are sometimes not even disciplinary actions, in many parts of the world you will not be allowed to hold a calling but you could come back to Church (if innactive) and pretty much get back into the swing of things (nobody is going to call from the Bishop's office and demand you come in and repent or face actions). Doubt the same is true of same-sex situations although in the Bible one could note that two men having sex was a capital offense but two women were not even mentioned in the Old Testament (perhaps since so many men had harems and such actions would not affect the reproductive capability of the unit or society). One reference to women is found in Romans 1 but it makes it clear that women were lusting after each other after abandoning the desire to have families.

Of course this is more on a theoretical level and not dealing with individual concerns.

[rameumptom]

Some of my best friends from high school are homosexual. I also have friends who are alcoholics, addicts, are sexually active outside of marriage, etc. I do not condone their sinful methods, but continue the friendships where possible.

The way I treat them is like this: first, I am their friend. As long as they follow my home rules and don't display their orientation in my home, they are welcome to be there. I tell them that while I do not approve of their lifestyle, I do approve of being their friend.

If they are willing to respect your views, and you can focus on areas that you do have in common, then you can have a great relationship with many peoples you may not have all things in common with.

[Pyotr]

Apologies for the cliche, but "what would Jesus do?"

I'd think he would respect and love a person even if he/she did something wrong, but would still tell the person why the thing that he/she did wrong is wrong and why if the person was willing to listen. Love and compassion cures wounded souls.

[Laureltree]

I think you all have very valid points. Just remember christ loves unconditionally, he doesn't love our actions, but he loves us.
And youngmormonroyalist, you are correct....it's not a sin until they act on it, but it is an incorrect choice....
I know several who have come out, then returned to the church. I also know several who have not.
My point we all have our temptations in life, I believe we knew how hard it would be when we chose to come, but we had the faith we could over come our temptations. For some....our faith is yet not strong enough, nor is our will power. For those of us around people struggling....Be an example, dont condemn...yet love them. Yes we may share our thoughts, but always pray before doing it The chances of you softening there hearts are greater this way..
hugs and prayers
LaurelTree

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by debi56

I have told my daughter that she will always be my daughter and I will always love her unconditionally. I also told her that i couldn't condone or support their relationship because it is a sin. I also told her I couldn't share this relationship with her, meaning that I didn't want to know about their relationship.
Thanks for the video links and I will be sxure to watch them.

This reminds me of the family, in a story, in which the Mother-in-Law never could bring herself to accept her child's spouse. She was very hard on him, and yet she wondered why they never came to visit so she could see her darling grandchildren.

It is unfortunate when disapproval can drive a wedge between members of a family.

[Elgama]

I think you can state your position and still love the person.

My Mum had an affair with another woman when I was 15-17 - Rosy was great and I treated her with the same respect I would have done any other partner my Mum had moved in, I was very sad when they split up Rosy had been my stability during those years.

My Dad has several women on the go - one I adore she is amazing beautiful woman with whom I have a very deep bond, she is however married to a man who I think may be homosexual and she lives with him some of the week, he offered her a divorce but my Dad wouldn't commit so she didn't bother, the other I know about I don't like at all but when she was ill I still sent her flowers etc but I still made it clear to my Dad I was not going to cover for him, when he was cheating on someone now number 1 woman knows about number 2 I have also told the lady I like if a man treated me that way he would be out and she is worth so much more. But I invite Dad and his chosen partner to the events in mine and my childrens lives and I treat them with love and respect I have a friendship with one but not with the other - I didn't like her I thought she vindictive before she slept with my Dad,

My bestfriend is homosexual - and quite frankly an amazing man we have been friends since high school and my husband calls him my other husband. He knows my views but still I was the first person he came out to and I was glad he did it gave him a chance to talk and still be loved for the person he is - I did give him an Ensign article by Boyd K Packer - I go to major events in his life and he invites my family, I will if he ever has a partner also invite them along. He has also been appointed guardian in case something happens to my husband and I - because he has taken the discussion lessons, and attended church functions so he can help them remain church members - he may not agree with the way I choose to live my life but he respects me no matter what so I give him the same in return.

My experience with my family members has been keeping them close and that means accepting their chosen partners as their choice. My Mum has never been able to accept that my husband was my choice to make - he is a beautiful, kind decent man but she hates him because he is LDS - through that I have lost my Mum she no longer speaks to us.

Personally if it was my child I would explain my position and from then on in respect their choice of partner. Like my in laws did with their daughter who dated and married at least one gang member and got involved in some bad relationships they kept her close and respected it was her choice which means everytime she gets in a very bad mess she has been able to come home and has never strayed to far from church and has actually chosen to let her children go with my Mother in Law. I doubt if my Mother in Law had been hostile to her daughter's bad choices she would now be taking her daughter to church with her most Sundays.

-Charley

[debi56]

Originally Posted by YoungMormonRoyalist

May I point out, for the sake of homosexual members that I know on this board, and for the sake of clarification, that homosexuality itself is not a sin, it's a temptation. To act on it is a sin, as is the case with every temptation. Sorry, I'm not trying to ridicule anything in your post, rebuke you, or cause trouble in any way, I just wanted to clarify. It's a struggle for members because it basically means choosing to be celibate, and for those that do I believe that a greater blessing and a glorious crown awaits them than some heterosexual people.

Thank you for the clarification. I did only mean the ones acting on their impulses. I know that the temptation isn't wrong but acting on it is. I assumed everyone knew what i meant. Anyway if I offended someone I apologize. Thanks.

[debi56]

Originally Posted by rameumptom

Some of my best friends from high school are homosexual. I also have friends who are alcoholics, addicts, are sexually active outside of marriage, etc. I do not condone their sinful methods, but continue the friendships where possible.

The way I treat them is like this: first, I am their friend. As long as they follow my home rules and don't display their orientation in my home, they are welcome to be there. I tell them that while I do not approve of their lifestyle, I do approve of being their friend.

If they are willing to respect your views, and you can focus on areas that you do have in common, then you can have a great relationship with many peoples you may not have all things in common with.

Thank you for your input. My nephew is gay and he distanced himself from his whole family. I don't want to alienate my daughter as my children are my lifeline. I had a good friend who was gay and he just died a few years ago from hepatitus C and aids. He knew how I felt but he was a great friend, always there when I needed someone. It just feels different when it is an immediate family member.