My mouth

[DeborahC]

You know, sometimes I wonder if nasty dispositions are genetic. My grandfather alienated all the family except for me about a year before his death. He was just horribly rude to everyone. Sometimes I worry I got that "mean gene!"

Example:

I have a hidden disability which makes it necessary for me to use a Handicapped Parking Pass in some lots, where I might be exposed to fumes.

The nature of my disabilitiy also causes me to have memory lapses, and because of that, I've got the pass taped to my back window so I don't forget to put it up on the mirror when I park.

Today I pulled into a parking place at the market, and as I got out and walked toward the market, this woman says, "You parked in a handicapped zone! Why did you do that!?"

I said, "Because I am handicapped and I DO have a pass!" which was ok..
but before I could stop myself, I had also said, 'What are you, the Handicapped Police!"

She stuttered then because she didn't know what to say, and I stomped off into the market. But once I got in there I was embarrassed about my behavior. Honestly, I should have just politely explained. But it annoys me sometimes because people assume since they don't SEE my handicap it does not exist and they feel they have to yell at me.

I think I was doubly sensitive because a lady yelled at me yesterday also.

I don't know why I'm typing this, except maybe someone can give me some suggestions as to how to "watch my mouth" a little closer and not snap people's heads off. I'm sure the lady felt as stupid as I felt embarrassed...

I fear I inherited my grandpa's "mean genes!"

Help?

[countrygirl66]

This is going to sound stupid, but it works for my son (tempermental disposition). If you are going to the store etc., before you get out of the car give yourself a big loud GRRRRRR. Loud as you can before you get out. Then when you deal with someone that frustrates you shortly after, it is somewhat out of your system. Good luck. I doubt you have meanness in you, probably just frustrated as to why you have to constantly explain yourself.

[Alaskagain]

It is harder to be nice if you don't feel well, and if your grandfather suddenly started being rude to people in that last year, maybe he was in pain or suffering other effects of disease. And then, some older people figure that they have done stuff for other people all their lives and now it is time for them to do and say exactly what they want, when they want, regardless of whether it is considered rude.

I am often tempted to issue a quick retort, and in working on that I started gritting my teeth instead of speaking, as if actually holding in physical objects instead of words. That little habit prevented me from saying things that would not have been very nice, even if some of them were actually hysterically clever, but it did some expensive damage to dental work. Not a good solution.

I considered keeping duct tape in my pocket, to plaster across my face at the appropriate time, but that would require keeping something sharp to cut it with, and that might be even more dangerous.

Now I just look away from my intended victim. Breaking the eye contact helps give me a moment to draw in a breath and rethink.

And I don't think there is a "mean gene".

[georgia2]

Don't feel so bad. Everybody has bad days. I do know that people question those who have the handicap sign and get out and look better than them. But the truth is the woman was being ugly to you first.

Forget it. I Bet she won't do that again and neither will you!
LOL

[SisterofJared]

I'm with georgia2!

Some people think they have the right to control other people's behavior and not just their own. It torks me off. I have noticed something strange here in WA. If I am in the grocery store and I am blocking the path of someone behind me, they don't say "excuse me." They just glare at my back. Usually my daughter or my husband will end up saying, "mom, there's a lady behind you that wants by." So then I move, but I wonder what is the problem with the woman just smiling and saying, "excuse me, may I get past you?" I tend to concentrate, I am a label reader, and I don't even know they are there.

I also am disabled, and am grateful for the handicapped parking spots. That said, I also think there are times when someone needs a close space and may not have a handicapped card. Years ago my 8 year old daughter had tons of warts frozen on her feet by the doctor. On the way home, we had to stop at Safeway. I would not leave an 8 year old in the car alone, and she couldn't wear her shoes, and the pavement was too hot for her to walk across a parking lot, and I couldn't carry her... so I parked in the handicapped space. Another car drove up and parked illegally next to me, and they had a handicapped sticker. One person got out and went in the store, while the driver just sat in the car with the car running, and the passenger proceeded to yell at me. Interesting thing was the driver could have parked anywhere since not everyone was going in, the driver could have dropped off the person who was handicapped, but chose instead to stay in the car parked illegally and yell at me when I just was taking care of my daughter's needs. I also remember being 9 1/2 months pregnant when every single step hurt but I had to park half a football field away.

People need to just get over themselves! So what if we have an opinion about how and where others should park, what they should say and do? We need to cut others some slack and just shut up! But once people decide they have the right to correct your behavior, then I think it's perfectly fine to remind them that they don't! I would have been tempted to say even more than you did, not necessarily in a rude manner, but to let them know that things aren't always what they seem, and that their only responsibility is to correct their own behavior, not others. LOL... Funny because it's correcting their behavior to say so!

SoJ

[ZionWoman]

You're not mean if you realize and try to change your behavior. Your just growing. I do that all the time too! Then again, maybe I have a mean gene too.

[pam]

The people I get upset with are those that have a family member that is entitled to the Handicapped spot and sign..but use it even when that family member is not with them.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by DeborahC

You know, sometimes I wonder if nasty dispositions are genetic. My grandfather alienated all the family except for me about a year before his death. He was just horribly rude to everyone. Sometimes I worry I got that "mean gene!"

Help?

You are in good company. Here's what Brigham Young had to say about his temper:

Many men will say they have a violent temper, and try to excuse themselves for actions of which they are ashamed. I will say, there is not a man in this house who has a more indomitable and unyielding temper than myself. But there is not a man in the world who cannot overcome his passion, if he will struggle earnestly to do so. If you find passion coming on you, go off to some place where you cannot be heard; let none of your family see you or hear you, while it is upon you, but struggle till it leaves you; and pray for strength to overcome. As I have said many times to the Elders, pray in your families; and if, when the time for prayer comes, you have not the spirit of prayer upon you, and your knees are unwilling to bow, say to them, “Knees, get down there”; make them bend, and remain there until you obtain the Spirit of the Lord. If the spirit yields to the body, it becomes corrupt; but if the body yields to the spirit it becomes pure and holy (DBY, 267).

Do not get so angry that you cannot pray; do not allow yourselves to become so angry that you cannot feed an enemy—even your worst enemy, if an opportunity should present itself. There is a wicked anger, and there is a righteous anger. The Lord does not suffer wicked anger to be in his heart; but there is anger in his bosom, and he will hold a controversy with the nations, and will sift them, and no power can stay his hand (DBY, 269).

When my feelings are aroused to anger by the ill-doings of others, I hold them as I would hold a wild horse, and I gain the victory. Some think and say that it makes them feel better when they are mad, as they call it, to give vent to their madness in abusive and unbecoming language. This, however, is a mistake. Instead of its making you feel better, it is making bad worse. When you think and say it makes you better you give credit to a falsehood. When the wrath and bitterness of the human heart are moulded into words and hurled with violence at one another, without any check or hindrance, the fire has no sooner expended itself than it is again re-kindled through some trifling course, until the course of nature is set on fire (DBY, 266).

Now I charge you again, and I charge myself not to get angry. Never let anger arise in your hearts. No, Brigham, never let anger arise in your heart, never, never! Although you may be called upon to chastise and to speak to the people sharply, do not let anger arise in you, no, never! (DBY, 265).

Cease your anger, and sullenness of temper, and serve the Lord with cheerfulness, and singleness of heart. You need not expect salvation, except you can administer the same salvation to others, both in precept and example. If you expect compassion from me, administer the same to me. If you wish kind words and kind treatment from me, give me the same blessing you desire yourself; and that is the way you will be saved (DBY, 268–69).

LM

[BenRaines]

Just limp a little as you get out of the car and head to where you are going.

Ben Raines

[BenRaines]

Better yet get a stick and paint it white and a little red on the end of the stick.

oh wait, better not do that, it is illegal to pretend to be blind, but would be a good joke, blind person driving a car.

Ben Raines