What happens when a member stops coming?

[bcguy]

Just curios to know. No one has visited me in 8 weeks except, last week..and that was because he was NOT told to visit me. He visited me, not for my welfare, or concern that why I have not been to church, but because he wanted to show off his rebuilt engine on his car. The second counsoler, asked me 6 times!! what my email and phone number was, and said he would visit me! well that never happened. Every time I goto the ward, most people don't talk to me or perhaps ignore, NOT once did thay ask "Were were you?"

G, I could be in the hospital with tubes in me and no one would once seek out where I have been. I am getting the idea, that members are to much into them selves and perhaps, very judgmental.

Our bishop who I have known since he was a member asked me and my wife to go in for financial counseling asked us to come in. Wife is putting it off. I don't want to go in and have people stare at me with no wife at my side. This happened many times. My wife is a life time member and i'm a convert.

Now, what does happen to a member who does not come in for a long time? Does there paperwork change?

[miztrniceguy]

no...they are just inactive.

[pam]

Do you talk to people when you go to church? Do you seek out members in the ward and ask how they are doing? Have you asked if there is a service to provide that you might be able to help with? Have you called your Bishop just to say.."Hey just checking in."

My experience is when people complain about things like this, they have made no effort themselves to do any of the same things they are complaining about. They in turn become the same judgmental people that they call everyone else.

It's easy to put the blame on others, when in fact there are things we ourselves can do.

[Bini]

Doesn't always seem fair or right but sometimes you gotta go out of your own way and comfort zone to be noticed. I don't really consider myself a super social person. My husband is and does fine approaching people and getting involved - even if he's the on initiating contact. Me on the other hand, I tend to feel like they should be making more of an effort, instead of perhaps me breaking out of my own shell.


Oh and Pam beat me to it! Great suggestion/advice. It's a good reminder to remember that people are people and regardless of your faith or anything else, sometimes we're not always on the same page as each other. Be patient and be open. Maybe start, if you haven't already, with the above pointers.

[Jennine]

Ditto on two of the comments. It's easy to get wrapped up in 'what about me' while expecting others to be thinking outside themselves. Rather than placing blame, you might also consider what members of your ward might be enduring as well. Are there people who are sick or suffering? Are there heavy burdens that they bear which you don't know about? Yes, I agree that as members of the LDS Church, we are responsible to look after one another, but we're equally responsible not to pass judgment on one another or expect a selfless attitude from others that we do not exhibit ourselves.

The fastest way to feel better is to seek ways to serve them, not wait for them to help you (particularly if they don't know you're in need of help.)

[BenRaines]

I haven't been to church for a month. Visited twice this month. Once by Deacons collecting fast offerings and once by member of Young Men's Presidency collecting Friends of Scouting donation. LOL

Ben Raines

[bytor2112]

I think sometimes church members do a horrible job of offering the hand of fellowship. How many times do new converts just stop coming and become inactive? It happens a lot.....even once is too often. Maybe it's because the Ward's operate by membership callings and all too often we are so focused on fulfilling our callings we forget to stop and reach out to those who need it most.

The ideal would be that your home teachers would have noticed that you were absent and would have called to check on you. That doesn't always happen....I am guilty of not calling on my home teaching families when they are out as well. The people of the church aren't perfect, but the structure is there and if followed faithfully no one should fall away because they don't feel loved or needed.

Maybe when you return you can take a roll in helping others to not feel this way.

[Moksha]

Bcguy, I think it depends on the tone the Bishop sets for the ward. My previous Bishop who is now in the Stake Presidency would say hi to the members (especially members like myself who are fringers when it comes to ward interaction) If a member was not seen for some time, he would would make sure someone visited. My current Bishop runs the ship differently and so the pleasantries are not exchanged and there are no "we've missed you" for the members. Is one model better than the other? Most folks here would say that Bishops are beyond second guessing, so I would assume, both are right.

My advice to any member who has asked similar questions over the years remains, to look to the Church for spiritual needs and not for fellowship. That way when fellowship is not given, no one will be disappointed. Best to develop your own social network for that type of need. Works for me.

When you are able to go to Church go. Otherwise, the missionaries will run into you sometime on a random visit.

[changed]

Originally Posted by bcguy

Now, what does happen to a member who does not come in for a long time? Does there paperwork change?

As a secretary, I try and keep track of who comes and who does not each Sunday, and let me tell you, it is a very hard task. There are a couple hundred people you have to know each by name, and I try to give people the benfit of the doubt - summer vacations, people go out of town, I can't be in all of the classes all of the time, some people skip sacrament but come to fulfill their caling in primary, or come to sacrament and then skip other classes. You only have to come once per month to be counted active.

We rely heavily on HT / VT to try and keep track of who they HT/VT but that does not always work - if people don't answer their phones, are not able to get together, then we don't know.

I agree, it is hard to get settled into a new ward, to get to know everyone etc. etc. Once you get to know people, then you are watched after. I babysit for people, teach a pre-school class with people, have park play dates with people, go VTing, etc. etc. etc... If I go MIA, there are a bunch of people who rely on me who would very quickly need to know where I am...

Someone who is inactive who goes MIA - it's hard to know what to do. We don't want to seem pushy, we don't want to come knocking on doors when we might not be wanted, we love you and worry about you, don't get me wrong, you are the topic of every RS/EQ/HC meeting that we have, your name is given to the bishop each month, we pary for you by name, try and find who will be the best person to HT/VT you, what calling might reactivate you, try to find out what services you might need, and who is able to give that service - that is what all of our meetings revolve around. Every activity, every lesson topic, every ward goal - it's all about you, all planned to try and help you get to know others, grow, to belong not just believe...

Hang in there. It takes time, new ward, new people, new church (I am a convert too). Let people get to know you, sign up for choir, or for whatever comes around next week on Sunday, go to church, sit next to someone, say hello, see if you can help a new mom with their kids - bring extra snacks to pass around during sacrament meeting

The church is a one-room school house. Grades K-PHD in there. mostly K and pre-K though if you get my drift . Live, laugh, love - be kind to them, and they will be kind to you! Good luck!

[miztrniceguy]

Ben, should we be concerned?