Since we are on the subject of adoption...

[Nikkie85]

I noticed that a good bit of you guys seemed to be adopted or have adopted children. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for two years and adoption might be one of our options. I am totally open to adoption but I worry about the child deciding that at 18 they want to find their birth parents. I am afraid that this rejection would be extremely painful.

So those who are adopted did you seek out your birth parents and if so do you know have a good relationship with them? How do you adoptive parents feel about this?

If you adopted a child how would you feel if they decided to try to contact their birth parents?

[Bini]

Seeking out one's biological parents is not rejection towards their adoptive parents :]


Being adopted and having friends that are also adopted, I strongly believe it's important that a child knows they're adopted and not pretend that he/she came from your womb. Telling a child otherwise is only setup for pain and distrust once he/she finds out the truth on their own.


And if I ever adopt—the child will know they're adopted. I feel it incredibly selfish to tell a child that they're blood because of the parents own shame or embarrassment of infertility. Adoption should not be something where you feel shame or embarrassment. It's a great blessing, for parents-to-be and for the child :]

[dazed-and-confused]

i am not adopted, and i agree strongly with bini.

[Nikkie85]

I agree with telling a child that they are adopted from the very beginning. If/when we adopt I will always let the child know that they were adopted and would prefer to have a good bit of information about their birth parents.
Bini you say its not rejection but in a way I think that I would feel like it was. Sure I might change how I feel when the child is an adult but I think I would be hurt if they decided that they wanted to know more about their birth parents. Right now my life is pretty much surrounded around having children so I extremely sensitive. I have asked my husband how he would feel about the situation and after thinking about it he said that he would feel slightly rejected.

[pam]

It's a natural curiosity for a child to want to know about their birth parents. That curiosity doesn't take away from the feelings they have for their adoptive parents.

I have an adopted daughter and she has known all along she is adopted. She has asked simple questions about her birth parents and I have given honest answers to the best of my knowledge. I've never felt any kind of betrayal or rejection for asking these questions.