No More "Sleep Overs" For Kids?

[Melissa569]

The ward in our area recomends that LDS members do not allow their kids to have sleep overs anymore, because of the risk of child molestation.

Is this in other wards as well, or just ours? I personally think that if you know the family very well, it should be ok. You just have to be more in touch with who your children are with, and watching their behavior for signs of being mistreated. If you think somebody might abuse your child, why would you let your child go anywhere near that family at all?

By blocking it in the church, they are only stopping members from having sleep overs at other member's houses. So the kids will have sleep overs with non-church-going families they meet in school. If I had kids, I would rather they spend the night in another LDS home, quite frankly.

I just don't know if I agree with it. Your child doesn't have to be "sleeping over" at a friend's house, for such a thing to happen. It can happen during a regular visit, in the daytime.

I suppose a concerned parent could just say "If there are any visits or any sleep overs, they will be at MY house". But if every parent insisted on that, nobody's kids would ever leave the house, lol.

So what's next? The kids won't be able to visit each other's houses at all?

[bmy-]

Sounds absolutely ridiculous.

[deseretgov]

Never heard of this council before.

[pam]

I haven't heard of this counsel but at the same time I wouldn't say it's totally ridiculous. As parents we should always be concerned and aware of the homes our children might sleepover at. Both LDS and non LDS alike. Even those we would think of as the epitome of the perfect family, may be different behind closed doors.

[HEthePrimate]

I've never heard of ward leaders offering such counsel. While we certainly do need to look after our kids, I think the most important thing to do is teach them "correct principles," so to speak, because it's impossible for parents to watch over their children 24/7. Teach them the difference between "good touch" and "bad touch," that it's ok to say "no" to adults in certain situations, etc. We do need to protect children, but it is possible to be overprotective, and rob them of many good childhood experiences.

HEP

[dazed-and-confused]

absolutely rediculous

[Melissa569]

Hmmmm, interesting to know that other wards are not doing this. I’ll have to find out some how if there was a case of “sleep over molestation” around here. Maybe that’s the cause? Of course with some people you just never can tell... But I think you can cut the risk down by 90% if you teach your kids the basics of safety.

My mother was abused that way when she was a child. So she always wanted to make sure that we knew what to watch out for, and that we were protected (which we were). She wasn't overly protective, we were pretty free, as long as she knew who we were with.

She also warned us about the things she was told by abusers. She said, “Abusers will threaten you; they will say you’re going to get in trouble if you tell. They will threaten to hurt your family. They will say that if you tell, the police will take you away from your parents. Or that your parents will blame you, and hate you. But none of that is true. No matter how they threaten you-- never believe it. Tell someone anyway, and never be afraid.”

I think its most important though to meet the parents of the child having the sleep over. You'd be surprised how many kids say, "Mom, Dad, so-and-so invited me to sleep over, can I go?" And the parents say, "Ok, but I want the address and phone number..." Meaning they have no idea who those people are. I think since they are the people you will be depending on to keep your kid safe, its your right to know who they are, and what they are all about. Letting someone you don’t know take care of your kids, is like hiring a stranger off the streets to baby sit. But following basic safety guidelines should keep your kids pretty safe.

[hordak]

Originally Posted by Melissa569

If I had kids, I would rather they spend the night in another LDS home, quite frankly.

Do not fall into this LDS=good, line of thinking. Religions affiliation is not an indication of ones trustworthiness particularly on this issue (Look at GA George P Lee).

In fact the fact this was brought up by your Bishop in your ward wouldn't surprise me if a member was having a problem, maybe not full fledged yet, so your bishop chose to address the members as a whole rather then say, Stay away from Brother Smith. In the same way that as pornography has become a bigger problem for the member the church has addressed it more and more.

[Gwen]

keep 2 things in mind. it's counsel, not commandment so you may still do as you see fit for your family. it's also not just to protect your child from potential molestation. what if your child finds porn while at their house? or other material you that would be detrimental. you have to remember that is a rampant problem in our world today and sometimes the ppl you would think the last to be involved will be immersed in it. it is also a protection to you by not having kids over. false allegations can ruin a family as much as true reports of abuse.

someone suggested there may be an issue in your stake/ward that the bishop is aware of that you are not. pray about it and trust your leaders.

my kids will be having very few sleepovers, only with ppl i know really well.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

The thing about child molesters, is they look exactly like you and me. They come from all demographics, education levels, races, languages, cultures, income levels, and faiths. As the story of George P. Lee illustrates, sometimes they are active in the church, and occasionally even come from the ranks of our trusted leaders.

They do tend to be mostly (90%) male, and probably the greatest number of them are in their teen years somewhere. Another similarity they all share: when caught, a serial molester will leave behind a big pile of people with surprised looks and jaws hitting the floor - all of them saying "but he's such a nice guy! We trusted him!"

The point is, you can't tell by looking at them. It's not enough to just say "I'll only let my kids go to houses where I know everyone and trust them".

Melissa's mom rocks - that's how you protect your kids from molestation. Another thing to do, is just be open about what you've told your kid. Going to a sleepover? Just casually mention to everyone in that house that you've taught your kid about molestation, and the lies that molesters tell kids. Nothing causes a cowardly violent offender to shrink and hide, then seeing that their intended victim already knows their 'best moves' and won't be falling for it.

LM