Sharing my concerns about Home Teaching and Visiting Teaching

[SisterSarah]

After a number of conversations with my husband and with fellow members, I seem to be becoming increasingly frustrated with the Visiting and Home teaching programs.

I mentioned in another post that when my husband and I converted we were making changes in our lives with the kids away at College, and us seeking a social life. The fact that the Ward we were baptized at was very close knit, made our conversion very desirable from that standpoint alone. Although we all develop our testimony at different times, I do believe many converts join because of the sense of wanting to belong to a community of people that share many of their core values. For many members, what keeps them true to the church is the constant encouragement and the sense of family ties with their fellow church members who become like an extended family to them.

In our former ward when another brother or sister was in need whether it be just to talk about their concerns, questions, doubts, illnesses, fears, personal or family challenges; the visiting and home teaching programs helped to bring people together within the church to help each other just as real loving brothers and sisters would.

But lately we are finding a very big change in the concept of visiting and home teaching. It seems the church "counts" a visit if the visiting or home teach drops a card in the mail, sends and email, or even has a group get together in their home. Some have even said that a brief greeting and chat before sacrament meeting or between church meetings met the criteria as a visit to report in.

Apparently this newer practice comes right down from the presidency of the church. And many seem to believe it is because women work out of the home and people are just more "busy" these days. HUH?????

No one was more busy in the early days of the Church, the Relief Society or even in my parents days where there were more children, no automatic washing machines, dishwashers, two cars or more in the family, and no modern conveniences to help people be less "busy."

What happened to the days when home teachers would visit another family. Sit in their homes and really get to know them their thoughts and their concerns and challenges.

What happened to sisters that took the time to care for each others children. bring a meal in to someone who was dealing with or recovering from recovery from illness. What happened to sisters who another sister could confide in with her challenges, her concerns, her fears. People do not want to discuss personal sisterly and brotherly confidences in an email or a brief encounter a few minutes prior to sacrament meeting or in a group get together for the purposes of meeting teaching quotas "faster and more efficiently for busy people."

This new way of doing things really creates isolation and for many who have not grown strong in their testimony, it is lacking in encouragement.

While I am on my soapbox, another thing that is concerning me is the lack of time members seem to have for each other in other aspects.

When we first joined the church, the Relief Society and monthly get togethers. Now we have quarterly get togethers. How can you possibly build relationships and get to know everyone's name for that matter when you meet four times a year?

Another idea is Ward or Relief Society Temple trips. In our previous Ward the Relief Society sisters would charter a bus and all go to Temple together for an overnight trip. A get way to know each other personally and a great way to share the Temple experience with other sisters. We used to sing hymns on the bus over and back and it was a very fun and rewarding outing a couple times a year. It also gave people the chance to attend Temple when they didn't feel or are able to drive the distance on their own. Much of this has gone by the wayside.

Yes I have made these suggestions only to have them fall on deaf ears.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little. Anyone who has suggestions on how to create more cohesiveness among Ward members?

Sarah

[applepansy]

Originally Posted by SisterSarah

After a number of conversations with my husband and with fellow members, I seem to be becoming increasingly frustrated with the Visiting and Home teaching programs.

I mentioned in another post that when my husband and I converted we were making changes in our lives with the kids away at College, and us seeking a social life. The fact that the Ward we were baptized at was very close knit, made our conversion very desirable from that standpoint alone. Although we all develop our testimony at different times, I do believe many converts join because of the sense of wanting to belong to a community of people that share many of their core values. For many members, what keeps them true to the church is the constant encouragement and the sense of family ties with their fellow church members who become like an extended family to them.

In our former ward when another brother or sister was in need whether it be just to talk about their concerns, questions, doubts, illnesses, fears, personal or family challenges; the visiting and home teaching programs helped to bring people together within the church to help each other just as real loving brothers and sisters would.

But lately we are finding a very big change in the concept of visiting and home teaching. It seems the church "counts" a visit if the visiting or home teach drops a card in the mail, sends and email, or even has a group get together in their home. Some have even said that a brief greeting and chat before sacrament meeting or between church meetings met the criteria as a visit to report in.

Apparently this newer practice comes right down from the presidency of the church. And many seem to believe it is because women work out of the home and people are just more "busy" these days. HUH?????

No one was more busy in the early days of the Church, the Relief Society or even in my parents days where there were more children, no automatic washing machines, dishwashers, two cars or more in the family, and no modern conveniences to help people be less "busy."

What happened to the days when home teachers would visit another family. Sit in their homes and really get to know them their thoughts and their concerns and challenges.

What happened to sisters that took the time to care for each others children. bring a meal in to someone who was dealing with or recovering from recovery from illness. What happened to sisters who another sister could confide in with her challenges, her concerns, her fears. People do not want to discuss personal sisterly and brotherly confidences in an email or a brief encounter a few minutes prior to sacrament meeting or in a group get together for the purposes of meeting teaching quotas "faster and more efficiently for busy people."

This new way of doing things really creates isolation and for many who have not grown strong in their testimony, it is lacking in encouragement.

While I am on my soapbox, another thing that is concerning me is the lack of time members seem to have for each other in other aspects.

When we first joined the church, the Relief Society and monthly get togethers. Now we have quarterly get togethers. How can you possibly build relationships and get to know everyone's name for that matter when you meet four times a year?

Another idea is Ward or Relief Society Temple trips. In our previous Ward the Relief Society sisters would charter a bus and all go to Temple together for an overnight trip. A get way to know each other personally and a great way to share the Temple experience with other sisters. We used to sing hymns on the bus over and back and it was a very fun and rewarding outing a couple times a year. It also gave people the chance to attend Temple when they didn't feel or are able to drive the distance on their own. Much of this has gone by the wayside.

Yes I have made these suggestions only to have them fall on deaf ears.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little. Anyone who has suggestions on how to create more cohesiveness among Ward members?

Sarah

This happens in our ward and much more.

As was suggested in the other thread maybe the Lord put you were you are so that you can set the example they need to see?

As for more cohesiveness: One way is to look for ways to be of service and then do it!



Addition: I guess what I'm saying is the change we would like to see always starts with us.

[beefche]

Well, I'm sure this post is not going to be to your liking.

It sounds to me that you are suffering from "back in the good ol' days, life was better" syndrome. We all suffer it throughout our lives.

It seems to me you keep comparing the people in your current ward with the people in your former ward. You may not realize that you are doing this, but you are. You keep stating that the women in your former RS did things better than your current RS.

You want things to change in your current ward? Then be that change. Get to know the women and families in your ward. You can invite a family over each Sunday for dinner and games. Invite single sisters over for FHE. Be the kind of VT that you would like.

Forgive those in your ward for being imperfect. As you get to know them, you will learn to love them--and that will show in your countenance and demeanor.

[Hala401]

Originally Posted by SisterSarah

After a number of conversations with my husband and with fellow members, I seem to be becoming increasingly frustrated with the Visiting and Home teaching programs.

I mentioned in another post that when my husband and I converted we were making changes in our lives with the kids away at College, and us seeking a social life. The fact that the Ward we were baptized at was very close knit, made our conversion very desirable from that standpoint alone. Although we all develop our testimony at different times, I do believe many converts join because of the sense of wanting to belong to a community of people that share many of their core values. For many members, what keeps them true to the church is the constant encouragement and the sense of family ties with their fellow church members who become like an extended family to them.

In our former ward when another brother or sister was in need whether it be just to talk about their concerns, questions, doubts, illnesses, fears, personal or family challenges; the visiting and home teaching programs helped to bring people together within the church to help each other just as real loving brothers and sisters would.

But lately we are finding a very big change in the concept of visiting and home teaching. It seems the church "counts" a visit if the visiting or home teach drops a card in the mail, sends and email, or even has a group get together in their home. Some have even said that a brief greeting and chat before sacrament meeting or between church meetings met the criteria as a visit to report in.

Apparently this newer practice comes right down from the presidency of the church. And many seem to believe it is because women work out of the home and people are just more "busy" these days. HUH?????

No one was more busy in the early days of the Church, the Relief Society or even in my parents days where there were more children, no automatic washing machines, dishwashers, two cars or more in the family, and no modern conveniences to help people be less "busy."

What happened to the days when home teachers would visit another family. Sit in their homes and really get to know them their thoughts and their concerns and challenges.

What happened to sisters that took the time to care for each others children. bring a meal in to someone who was dealing with or recovering from recovery from illness. What happened to sisters who another sister could confide in with her challenges, her concerns, her fears. People do not want to discuss personal sisterly and brotherly confidences in an email or a brief encounter a few minutes prior to sacrament meeting or in a group get together for the purposes of meeting teaching quotas "faster and more efficiently for busy people."

This new way of doing things really creates isolation and for many who have not grown strong in their testimony, it is lacking in encouragement.

While I am on my soapbox, another thing that is concerning me is the lack of time members seem to have for each other in other aspects.

When we first joined the church, the Relief Society and monthly get togethers. Now we have quarterly get togethers. How can you possibly build relationships and get to know everyone's name for that matter when you meet four times a year?

Another idea is Ward or Relief Society Temple trips. In our previous Ward the Relief Society sisters would charter a bus and all go to Temple together for an overnight trip. A get way to know each other personally and a great way to share the Temple experience with other sisters. We used to sing hymns on the bus over and back and it was a very fun and rewarding outing a couple times a year. It also gave people the chance to attend Temple when they didn't feel or are able to drive the distance on their own. Much of this has gone by the wayside.

Yes I have made these suggestions only to have them fall on deaf ears.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little. Anyone who has suggestions on how to create more cohesiveness among Ward members?

Sarah

Believe it or not, I just now got on line to voice a complaint almost exactly like yours, so what you say is not about to fall on deaf ears. I'm upset about the same thing!

Just this afternoon at the Pioneer Picnic, a rather highly placed individual told me that she had a bad taste in her mouth about Visiting Teaching. As a brand new convert, I should not have to listen to this stuff.

I was Baptized on January 30th and in a couple weeks was assigned Visiting Teaching and Visiting Teaching Supervisor. The idea of calling people I do not know and getting to know them is really intimidating for me but I have begun to make progress doing it. I am partnered with another woman who does nothing on visiting teaching, but she insists she wants to go out with me when I go.

Very recently, I was called to be Humanitarian Assistance person, but really nothing has happened with the person that is supposed to assign me things, so I have been doing things "Off The Books", on my own.

So, I was about to ask if Visiting Teaching is just a fools errand, that no one really does?

I have grown so frustrated that I have thought about being just another nasty, whiny ex-Mormon, but my belief in Jesus Christ and what the Holy Spirit has caused to happen in my life completely prevent me from turning away from the church. I feel under so much presure that it seems I must do something or burst!

Right now, I am thinking I will create a mild scene in Relief Society tomorrow. I think I will tell them how special the church is in my life and what a miracle Heavenly Father has done for me.

Some of you know that I'm the one that was not supposed to make it, I was supposed to give up before I was Baptized; or fall away soon after. Too sinful and too odd to be a member. Well, here I am looking back at the worthy.

So, you tell me, is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as mere shaddow of what I was told? Surely there are still faithful out there. If there are then I am asking you to step forward.

[Hala401]

And, yes Beefche, perhaps we all called to be the change that we wish to see. This is tough, frightening, and I don't know how to do it, else the Holy Spirit holds my hands, both of them.

[beefche]

Welcome to a church of sinners and imperfect people.

[Misshalfway]

I've been a little chapped about the VT/HTing programs for a lot of years. Well, not the program....just the way it's executed.

I'm not sure exactly what the problem is. Most likely its a constellation of various issues. One, I think, is that people don't want to/know how to invest in each other anymore. I think people are afraid of connection. Cards, emails, non-face to face methods sooths the guilt and justifies the avoidance.

In defense of the church, I think they are trying to give people options.....options that can work well to help meet the needs of the individual. BUT, I think what's happening on the ground is the same thing that's been happening for years. And that is that people just aren't connecting with each other anymore. We'd rather do our duty, say some trite words, and get out as fast as possible.

I've tried a number of times to communicate with the RS pres or my VT/HT about the needs of me and my family. Most of these requests have gone unaddressed. Oh well. The law of the harvest really applies here. We really do reep what we sow.

[Misshalfway]

Originally Posted by beefche

Welcome to a church of sinners and imperfect people.

Yes.

Except that we CAN do better.

[Hala401]

It worries me, because I am afraid of myself. I know that the assignment to do VT/VTS seemed very serious to me, and there was no realization at all that some, all, lots of us were not doing it and not taking it seriously.

It can't just be explained away by saying we are all imperfect. What would Joseph Smith say, or Brigham Young or Thomas S Monson? Do you all just expect the center of the church where them guys in SLC just sit around pontificating?

The Missionaries who taught me; about a dozen of them, all seemed to think that the President in SLC was not to be taken lightly. So far, I have seen nothing from my leadership but very gentle, almost non existent, encouragement to do good,

If something does not happen to change my heart tonight, I plan to act up tomorrow in RS. I'm all for encouragement, but some of our members need to be shocked by that machine the firemen carry, or see if they will be declaired DOA.

[beefche]

Originally Posted by Misshalfway

Yes.

Except that we CAN do better.

Of course we can. And should. But that doesn't negate that people who complain about VT/HT and equate that to the Church and testimony shouldn't check their feelings and look inward as well as forgive others for weakness and errors.

"Acting up" in church? Sure, go ahead. No one can stop you. But, personally, I think it is a childish, immature, and non-Christian way of acting. Using guilt as a motivator is not the way to go and is rarely successful. I would advise using love as a motivator as well as being an example.

But, what do I know? I have a testimony of church despite the members (and my own) failings.