How do you overcome an addiction like this?

lost87 · #1 (**permalink**) 06-28-2009, 07:16 PM

Does anyone know of a way to overcome a sexual addiction? I am struggling and keep falling further from where I ought to be. I'm running out of options and need help. The closest LDS councelor or church counseling services is 400 miles away so that is not really an option to me. I've worked through the church's 12 step program, but I still was not able to overcome this. Any help at all would be appreciated.

Just_A_Guy · #2 (**permalink**) 06-28-2009, 08:01 PM

Even if your problems go beyond pornography, you may want to take a look at this book. The book lists some web-based sex addiction recovery groups, and their urls.

Hopefully you've also been working with your bishop on this. I'd also recommend enlisting the support of a close friend of your own gender with whom you can be totally honest, who will be compassionate and willing to listen, and who will follow up with you.

Prodigal_Son · #3 (**permalink**) 06-28-2009, 08:14 PM

What is your living situation? I see you're 21. Are you married? Single? Living alone? Living at home? Living with roommates?

I also read your comment on your page about wanting to live better than you are (don't we all?). Where do you feel you're at, spiritually speaking, these days?

I'm not familiar with the 12-Step program - does that include talking to your Bishop? Has that happened yet?

Just looking for more info to better help.

lost87 · #4 (**permalink**) 06-28-2009, 08:41 PM

Prodigal Son......

I live alone and am single. Spiritually speaking I am really far from where I ought to be. I have felt the spirit once in probably two years, and my testimony is on incredibly shaky ground, i've been questioning even the basics......I think though that the questions are just an excuse to justify what i've been doing, deep down I know the church is true. In my head all the doctrines make sense and I know its right, but I can't at all feel it in my heart anymore. Its like I am dead to the spirit. I haven't ever been through the temple and received my endowments, and i've not been worthy to take the sacrament in 15 months.

I have talked to my bishop, and he is a very sweet and kind man. About a year ago I was put on "informal probation". Last time I talked to him he said that the general rule for what i've done is a disciplinary councel, but he didn't want to do that yet. That was a month ago and I am still in this situation, so I am afraid that if I talk to him again he will feel like that ought to happen. Either way though, I really just want to change, so if it needs to happen, thats ok. I feel like when I talk to him I am wasting his time because i have been trying to change for so long (3 years) and have only done worse things.

So thats where I am.

Just_a_guy...they do go beyond pornography...and I hate it because I am a girl and this isn't supposed to be an issue. I don't really have any close friends that are girls....but I see how that would be helpful. Any guy I have told about the situation eventually ends up using my weakness to his advantage in some way or another.

Thanks to the both of you for your help.

Misshalfway · #5 (**permalink**) 06-28-2009, 09:02 PM

Have you considered therapy? I think the 12 steps is wonderful, but imo, they should be used as one of the tools in ones recovery tool belt.

I think above all, you really have to want to change and that perhaps means challenging those parts of you that resist the change....you know, the appetite voice that wants it above other things. You gotta challenge everything about that voice including its logic, its justifications, its arguments with truth...etc. You gotta know your triggers....your patterns.....etc. Then you gotta change those up.

Don't do this alone. Get a friend or a RS pres or a bishop to be your go to person. Call them when you are tempted.

I would invite you to put the LDS basics back into your life. SA/PA thinking is full of lies and flatterings and a boat load of other crap.....the kind that entrenches you deeper and deeper in the addictive headspace. Flood your mind with spiritual truth. Open every opportunity for God to tell you the truth. The truthfulness of the gospel is perhaps irrelevant right in this moment. But that into your patience bin and exercise faith in your spiritual efforts. God will meet you there and lead you by the hand and open your mind and heart to the light.

You can also get into an online support group. There are a couple that are quite good. Some are even free. You can also get books that give you information and workbooks to help you unwind why you need this "drug" to begin with. They will help you restructure your thinking, and your behaviors.
I particularly like the author Carnes. He has a series of books that I think might help.

Good luck my dear. This is a toughy, but you CAN conquer. Stay away from the evil twins shame and blame. They won't get you anywhere good.

Much love.

Just_A_Guy · #6 (**permalink**) 06-28-2009, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

Just_a_guy...they do go beyond pornography...and I hate it because I am a girl and this isn't supposed to be an issue. I don't really have any close friends that are girls....but I see how that would be helpful. Any guy I have told about the situation eventually ends up using my weakness to his advantage in some way or another.

I know what you mean . . . even if you do have a close friend, it's hard to come up to a friend and say, "hey, can you help me overcome my sex addiction problem"?

Other than my family, I'm socially a bit of a loner. When I was at the height of a masturbation/pornography issue, my bishop advised me to talk to my elders' quorum president--a great guy who proved to be of enormous assistance. Maybe you should ask your bishop if he could recommend someone in the ward for you to approach for help--a member of your Relief Society presidency, perhaps?

By the way, I think it's awesome that you took the initiative and approached a priesthood leader about this. I don't want to sound Pollyanna-ish, but I strongly suspect you're in better shape than you think you are.

Prodigal_Son · #7 (**permalink**) 06-28-2009, 09:44 PM

Okay, just thinking out loud here, in response to your post:

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

I live alone...

Can this be changed? Do you NEED an environment that demands you be more responsible for your actions?

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

Spiritually speaking I am really far from where I ought to be. I have felt the spirit once in probably two years...

While this isn't meant as an enabling excuse, NONE OF US are where we ought to be. And the fact that you RECOGNIZE that you're not there is a SURE SIGN that the Spirit still has the capacity to prick your heart. Take courage from that fact. Just because you don't get the warm glow doesn't mean you've been abandoned and left on your own. His influence might be limited by your actions, but I promise you that the Spirit still has influence on you. Otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

... my testimony is on incredibly shaky ground, i've been questioning even the basics......I think though that the questions are just an excuse to justify what i've been doing, deep down I know the church is true.

Been there, done that. I was way down deep at nearly the same point in life as you, and I experienced those same doubts. Again, the fact that you can recognize this tool of the Adversary is another indication that you still have access to Light.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

...I can't at all feel it in my heart anymore. Its like I am dead to the spirit.

That's tough. Believe me, I know and remember it. But I'm living proof that you can rebound from that. Don't ever think that you're too far gone - because YOU'RE NOT. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. YOU ARE NOT TOO FAR GONE.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

I have talked to my bishop, and he is a very sweet and kind man. About a year ago I was put on "informal probation". Last time I talked to him he said that the general rule for what i've done is a disciplinary councel, but he didn't want to do that yet. That was a month ago and I am still in this situation, so I am afraid that if I talk to him again he will feel like that ought to happen.

True repentance requires a willingness to accept whatever punishments come. And believe me - the embarrassment you may or may not feel from the repentance process is an infinitely lighter burden to carry than that bag of rocks slung over your shoulder now. Don't let pride or embarrassment get in the way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

I feel like when I talk to him I am wasting his time because i have been trying to change for so long (3 years) and have only done worse things.

You're not. He's been called to serve you. Let him. You know how many times I've had to ask Heavenly Father to forgive the same things in MY life? I don't think He ever gets tired of hearing me - because so long as I keep coming back to Him in sorrow, He knows I'm TRYING.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

I hate it because I am a girl and this isn't supposed to be an issue.

Don't do that to yourself. It most certainly IS an issue for MANY. You're not a freak. You're not weaker than everyone else.

====================================

Crap happens to us all. And the adversary knows how to push your buttons. He knows and remembers you from the preexistence. He has thousands of years of practice at causing God's children to stumble and fall and then get mired in self loathing and doubt.

But don't let Him win. Though it's hard to believe at times, your Father in Heaven loves you with ALL HIS HEART. And there's no amount of poor choices you can make that will EVER change that. He stands ready and waiting. He beckons you to come back to Him - no matter how many times you stumble on your way back. And, once in His arms, He can and WILL make all the pain go away.

Be strong. Be humble. Get on your knees FAST and pray your heart out. Lay it on the line and ask what you need to do. Get in to see your Bishop ASAP and start saying your prayers and reading your scriptures, even if you don't want to.

We're here for you. Your Bishop's here for you. Your Savior already paid the price to rescue you. And you Father in Heaven is patiently waiting for you.

Much love and concern from a fellow sinner. - Prodigal Son

qedd · #8 (**permalink**) 06-28-2009, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost87

Does anyone know of a way to overcome a sexual addiction? I am struggling and keep falling further from where I ought to be. I'm running out of options and need help. The closest LDS councelor or church counseling services is 400 miles away so that is not really an option to me. I've worked through the church's 12 step program, but I still was not able to overcome this. Any help at all would be appreciated.

Try RecoveryNation.com. It looks like they have some potentially useful material and methods as well as an online support-group bulletin-board.

rameumptom · #9 (**permalink**) 06-29-2009, 10:14 AM

The Church now has an addiction recovery program, including a sex addiction program. Check here for the online manual, and for locations near you where they meet.

Addiction Recovery Program

lost87 · #10 (**permalink**) 06-29-2009, 10:19 AM

I have already tried that option....the closest meeting place is 400 miles away, and i've gone through the manual and did everything but im still stuck here.