Forgiveness

[Mirium]

Ok, so I've been studying the atonement recently and particularly with regard to forgiveness. How do we use and apply the atonement to forgive another. If we don't forgive others their tresspasses however harsh we cannot be forgiven for our own.

From my studies it seems it is far easier to apply the atonement and forgive if the person is no longer a part of our lives or if issues can be resolved with the person, but what about using and applying the atonement when the person is constantly in your life on a daily basis and it is someone who had come to a point where they depend on you for their needs and security and refused to resolve things with you, and you found it difficult to even be around them (I'm trying to create a worst possible senario)

We are commanded to love our enemies and bless them that hurt us. To me that seems like an awful big ask and I'm not sure I could do it yet I know it would be essential for our progression. How could you apply the atonement to that situation and learn to overcome your feelings.

[stormwitch]

Originally Posted by Mirium

We are commanded to love our enemies and bless them that hurt us. To me that seems like an awful big ask and I'm not sure I could do it yet I know it would be essential for our progression. How could you apply the atonement to that situation and learn to overcome your feelings.

Some time ago I read in a book that the Hebrew word that is used for "love your enemy" is different from the one for feelings as in loving your parents, spouse, etc.) and describes an action...like do something loving to them. (Anybody who is in that subject, please correct me if I'm wrong.) I don't believe that we need to love these people from the deepest bottom of our heart. We should act friendly and really apply the golden rule. And if we are eager to help some friends in need, we should be even more eager to help our enemies.
If we do so, we might be able to help them change their heart even if they did things to us on purpose and neither regret them nor seek our forgiveness. And even if they don't change, we can say for ourselves: We have done our best, and nobody can blame us.
Taking revenge or holding grudges... "tit for tat"... all those things will keep the Spirit away from us.
Summary: forgiving means not that you have to have feelings for a person that hurt you, it only means that you have to be "nice"!

[Traveler]

Originally Posted by Mirium

Ok, so I've been studying the atonement recently and particularly with regard to forgiveness. How do we use and apply the atonement to forgive another. If we don't forgive others their tresspasses however harsh we cannot be forgiven for our own.

From my studies it seems it is far easier to apply the atonement and forgive if the person is no longer a part of our lives or if issues can be resolved with the person, but what about using and applying the atonement when the person is constantly in your life on a daily basis and it is someone who had come to a point where they depend on you for their needs and security and refused to resolve things with you, and you found it difficult to even be around them (I'm trying to create a worst possible senario)

We are commanded to love our enemies and bless them that hurt us. To me that seems like an awful big ask and I'm not sure I could do it yet I know it would be essential for our progression. How could you apply the atonement to that situation and learn to overcome your feelings.

Forgiving others is the understanding and belief in the Christ that has made himself a sacrifice for all sins. If we have difficulty in forgiving others it is a clear indication that are belief and faith in Christ is lacking and is not complete - and may not be strong enough to deliver us from our own sins as well.

The Traveler

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by Mirium

what about using and applying the atonement when the person is constantly in your life on a daily basis and it is someone who had come to a point where they depend on you for their needs and security and refused to resolve things with you, and you found it difficult to even be around them (I'm trying to create a worst possible senario)

Forgiveness doesn't necessarily imply having the person in your life. If this person is a parent, your duty is to honor them. That doesn't mean you have to be around them all the time. Remember stewardships. You have a stewardship over your own safety. If someone is causing you or those within your stewardship harm, it's your duty to protect yourself or them.

Forgiveness does not mean 'stay a doormat', 'continue to be hurt', or anything of the sort.

Of course, if the thing standing between a person staying a victim and becoming a non-victim is a spine or some maturity, that's a different case all together.

LM

[Kishkumen_Called]

Forgive my forwardness, but if YOU are trying to forgive, you are not applying the Atonement - you are attempting to be your own savior.

I have found in those truly difficult cases (where I am clearly out of my depth due to my lack of experience, understanding, and maturity), that my "do that I can do" is ask the Lord to take this burden (offering up my resentment on the same altar as my "broken heart and contrite spirit" - or my weak attempt, anyways I place the burden on His shoulders, along with any expectation of the results and any residual desire to hang on to my hurt feelings (both out of my control), and He makes it possible for me to forgive. I often have to do things I wish I could avoid (apologize for my feelings towards the person, even though I felt they were clearly in the wrong), but sooner or later, He heals my broken heart.

That's' the best answer I have. It works for me.

Cheers.

[Mirium]

Summary: forgiving means not that you have to have feelings for a person that hurt you, it only means that you have to be "nice"![/QUOTE]

I guess to forgive you have to love them but then again I don't think it says anywhere we have to like a person. I think it would be impossible to like every person we ever meet but I do believe we do have to love our enemies and sometimes I think we all can struggle with that. I do agree that to resent or to seek revenge though is wrong.

[Mirium]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

Forgiveness doesn't necessarily imply having the person in your life. If this person is a parent, your duty is to honor them. That doesn't mean you have to be around them all the time. Remember stewardships. You have a stewardship over your own safety. If someone is causing you or those within your stewardship harm, it's your duty to protect yourself or them.

Forgiveness does not mean 'stay a doormat', 'continue to be hurt', or anything of the sort.

Of course, if the thing standing between a person staying a victim and becoming a non-victim is a spine or some maturity, that's a different case all together.

LM

Thankyou, Yes I agree we have to put our wellbeing and those of others first but then do all we can within our capabilities. We do have certain responsibilities.

LM, please could you explain further you last sentence. I don't quite understand it.

[Mirium]

Originally Posted by Kishkumen_Called

Forgive my forwardness, but if YOU are trying to forgive, you are not applying the Atonement - you are attempting to be your own savior.

I have found in those truly difficult cases (where I am clearly out of my depth due to my lack of experience, understanding, and maturity), that my "do that I can do" is ask the Lord to take this burden (offering up my resentment on the same altar as my "broken heart and contrite spirit" - or my weak attempt, anyways I place the burden on His shoulders, along with any expectation of the results and any residual desire to hang on to my hurt feelings (both out of my control), and He makes it possible for me to forgive. I often have to do things I wish I could avoid (apologize for my feelings towards the person, even though I felt they were clearly in the wrong), but sooner or later, He heals my broken heart.

That's' the best answer I have. It works for me.

Cheers.

That is great advice and I don't mind your forwardness atall. I agree with you that I do not apply the atonement fully in all areas of my life, YET, but that is why I am trying to study it to learn to apply it. I haved learnt so much from my studies but I don't think its just me I think many people struggle to apply it. For me its a massive step but also the answer to finding peace in life.

[Kishkumen_Called]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

Forgiveness doesn't necessarily imply having the person in your life. If this person is a parent, your duty is to honor them. That doesn't mean you have to be around them all the time. Remember stewardships. You have a stewardship over your own safety. If someone is causing you or those within your stewardship harm, it's your duty to protect yourself or them.

Forgiveness does not mean 'stay a doormat', 'continue to be hurt', or anything of the sort.

Of course, if the thing standing between a person staying a victim and becoming a non-victim is a spine or some maturity, that's a different case all together.

LM

I both agree and disagree. We do have a duty, including to safeguard our own well being. However, I think the second great commandment supercedes duty - we're supposed to have charity / Christ-like love for ALL people, include those who have offended us.

However, I believe that a Christ-like love does NOT equate to being a 'doormat'; in fact, I believe it's quite the opposite. Christ loved those individuals who hated him; however, he condemned their actions, protected those more vulnerable than Himself, and had a wonderful sense of self-worth. As we are his brothers and sisters, I believe we have the same capacity and duty. However, we must rely upon His grace to receive those blessings (much in the same way we would petition for any OTHER gift of the Spirit, which is how I characterize forgiveness).

My two cents.

Cheers.

[Flyonthewall]

In my opinion, forgiveness is for the person that has been offended. Forgiveness is to harbor no ill will, anger or hatred towards the person that wronged you. It is the anger and hatred that will do the most damage to the person that holds on to it.