Why Women Don't Marry

[beefche]

Well, then, no wonder we are in a world of trouble. Women are stupid when it comes to men.

[JudoMinja]

Originally Posted by beefche

Well, then, no wonder we are in a world of trouble. Women are stupid when it comes to men.

I don't think that really has anything to do with it. I'm sure some women are "stupid when it comes to men", but that doesn't relate to Funky's very good point.

A male can easily shirk the responsibility of parenthood without facing any immediate reprecussions. Without a strong moral compass to guide him or laws to bind him, he can essentially escape any and all earthly connections he has to a woman and child should he choose the "easy" path of being irresponsible.

It is much harder for a woman to make the same irresponsible choice. Society has made it a bit easier with birth control, adoption, and abortion options, and some women do take advantage of this so that they can be equally irresponsible. Yet these are all designed methods to allow women the freedom to make the same irresponsible choices that are more biologically natural for men. Once a woman is pregnant, if she is against abortion and/or adoption, she has no choice but to act at least somewhat responsibly in attempting to care for the child.

Another important thing to remember is that if the woman chooses to shirk her responsibility in child-rearing, most likely the man gets a "free ride". If she gets an abortion, then there is no child for him to take responsibility over. I think it is probably very rare for a woman to give birth to a child, decide to act irresponsibly and not care for it, and then have the man step in. Things like this are probably more common when a couple was married, the man already had some time to mature through rearing a family, and then for whatever reason the woman "quit". The other side of the coin is that if a man chooses to shirk his responsibilities, the woman is still stuck, unless she also chooses the "easy" path.

It all boils down to two factors:

1. Be more careful about entering into sexual relationships. The ideal would be to remain chaste until after marriage. Exercise self-control in bridling hormones and passions in order to act responsibly before a child is ever brought into the picture.

2. Once a child is created, whether within marriage or without, both men and women need to step up to the plate and act responsibly in order to care for and raise the child as best they can.

If we all adhered to these two steps as best we could, single parenting situations would be greatly minimized, and those who do find themselves in such circumstances should be able to find plenty of support from family and church.

[kayne]

Originally Posted by beefche

Well, then, no wonder we are in a world of trouble. Women are stupid when it comes to men.

well rest assured both parties of the human race are just as stupid only in different ways.

Originally Posted by FunkyTown

We're not talking about a moral obligation here, Beefche. Morally, the man is just as responsible as the woman.

In practical terms, however, a completely irresponsible guy faces far fewer repercussions for a child being conceived than a woman.

You're preaching to the choir about the morality of it, Beefche, but the sad truth is that a man can forget about a child's conception 3.5 seconds after he hears about it(Or however long it takes to leave his short term memory). The mother must bear it much longer and the child must bear the consequences forever. Since the child has no say, it is in the woman's best interests to bear sole responsibility herself.

Because the man is not bound by biology to the consequences.

this person gets it. as cruel and unfair as it is this is the way it works. in fact in the animal kingdom the female is normally the one that controls these things. sex occurs when she is in heat and darn well feels like it. some species of animals the female(particullarly in a breed of dog i used to have) will whip any male into shape in a heartbeat less that male never actually gets to have sex. the reason? HE wants sex far more than she ever does or at least that is what the male thinks and that then ultimately means she has control. guys chase girls it rarely occurs opposite of this.

i'd say this fairly well sums up the problem. women being reckless. guys who by nature tend to express their sex drive a lot easier and faster are a lot more willing to respond to it when boobs are waved in their face and given the dress of a lot of girls its pretty easy to see how guys become horny as anything. mix in drugs and alcohol and single mothers isnt entirely shocking.

in the LDS culture this occurs but in addition to that people in utah and idaho seemingly in droves rush to get married and i question how many of these marriages are good and arent bound to fall apart. many 18 year olds dont know what they want in life much less an eternal partner. and many return missionaries are just trying to get their feet on the ground. while im not advocating waiting till you are 40 but being 20 is also rushing it as many people arent mentally mature yet.

factor in the general chaos known as dating and well are we really shocked there is an increase in single parents???? im really not.

and sure why not while were at it lets blame tv and video games cause well they are clearly the downfall of western civilization. as much as being a guy i cant fathom a woman that needs 50 pairs of shoes though ive come to accept this fact of life. she too needs to fathom sometimes a round of video games is my version of 50 pairs of shoes. yet only one of these gets blamed.

ill give you porn though that is horrible and a serious problem.

i think for many its just downright frightening especially in the LDS culture. the guy is suddenly expected to basically take on someone who will forever freeload financially off of him. bring in more freeloaders(kids). and the ever prevailing myth that upon getting married all of my alone time is now dead which does mean no more games and no more fun time with my friends. somehow this myth probably still exists because girls suddenly expect the married to give up everything.

but perhaps i think the most telling point is mentioned in one of the priesthood talks. men bear the priesthood. ultimatelly that is a lot of pressure. some get the priesthood through lieing. some get it by growing up in the church and just going with the flow. some want to honor it but are trapped in things like porn of which it is a nightmare and a half to overcome(girls seriously understand this is **** to overcome). men bear the priesthood and i suspect this is the reason some of these LDS marriages get strained.

for me personally do i want to get married? yep. but the concept is frightening. im financially not secure what with school and all. the idea of having to now take of someone and any future children(how can you be ready for this????) and the ever looming pressure that if i muck up enough the priesthood is tied to this screw up and ill have a wife and children entirely dependent on this. this is addition to my other flaws i am well aware one of which is my inability to sleep like a normal person which would likely interfere with the whole lie with your wife thing. and now suddenly ill need to be completely 100% financially responsible.

oh yes and my social skills suck making dating ever worse.

so at least from one male thats my perspective of why im single and why marriage is somewhat frightening.

i think the whole point and for some reason i think the male brain grasps this better is marriage is hard freakin work. and since males chase girls ultimately for a guy to be chasing for marriage this means we are telling ourselves we are mentally prepared for this and thats a pretty bold statement to make. yet at the same i could be 40 and not prepared for it ya know?

in the end i think both genders share some blame however i can only fully explain my genders way of thinking as i see it and likely be even close to accurate.

another priesthood talk i think last year said have patience with men in their 20s and stressed that. thats about the best advice i can give. oh and dont date some random jerk and cry to some nice fellow about it after a year. so i might offer that advice dont date that show off jerk and then come crying you are ya know single with a kid en route which is an all too common scenario.

this is a topic that could never end so ill end it here lol

[Vort]

Originally Posted by beefche

Ah, yes, make the woman completely responsible for a man's behavior.

Finally, someone gets it! And it's about time. Darn women.

[beefche]

But, chastity isn't vogue right now. I think it was last year for about an hour, but then one of those Kardashian chicks flashed herself or something, so chastity took a backseat to salaciousness.

Seriously, look at how chastity is portrayed anywhere you go. It's old fashioned and yes, even irresponsible. Instead people (and especially young adults) are encourage to give in to their animal instincts. Go out on a date and have sex. How can you really know if you are compatible with someone if you don't have sex? And instead of kissing a few frogs, now it's have sex with a few frogs before you finally meet "the one". So, so sad. And way too many of our own youth fall into that Satanic trap.

[JudoMinja]

Originally Posted by beefche

But, chastity isn't vogue right now. I think it was last year for about an hour, but then one of those Kardashian chicks flashed herself or something, so chastity took a backseat to salaciousness.

Seriously, look at how chastity is portrayed anywhere you go. It's old fashioned and yes, even irresponsible. Instead people (and especially young adults) are encourage to give in to their animal instincts. Go out on a date and have sex. How can you really know if you are compatible with someone if you don't have sex? And instead of kissing a few frogs, now it's have sex with a few frogs before you finally meet "the one". So, so sad. And way too many of our own youth fall into that Satanic trap.

That's the view prevalent in society right now, yes. And when we look at the question of the OP "Why women don't marry", the answer is going to be very different depending on whether you are taking this view or the view of a faithful church member.

Societal reasons why women don't marry in this day and age can range from wanting to pursue a career first, simply having no desire to marry at all, not finding any man mature enough or responsible enough to marry, believing she can raise a child all on her own better than with the help of a husband, wanting the freedom of promiscuity, etc.

I believe though that generally within the church women have a desire to be wed and maintain their standard virtues of chastity and marriage within the temple. So why would a woman who has such a great desire to marry and raise a family within the bounds of matrimony, not wed? I think these reasons center more around not being able to find someone they deem worthy and compatible enough for marriage.

Such women may be stuck seeking "the one" and "true love" or may have sincerely received no offers from a man. I think this applies to both single women that have never had children as well as to single parents. The fault can lie on one end or on both. Either the woman is not putting forth a sincere effort, or the man is not putting forth a sincere effort, or of course the outside factor- their time to marry has just not yet come.

The kicker though is that I believe most men within the church also have a sincere desire for temple marriage. The idea that men just need to grow up, mature, act responsibly and stop playing with their games and toys is rediculous, in my opinion. Sure we could all do with some shaping up and responsible behavior. Sure we could all strive a little harder to not idle away our time and earnestly seek out responsibilities. But that isn't the root of the problem. That isn't why people aren't marrying. I think people in general are either being too picky or simply not being presented with adequate opportunities.

The views of society take a big toll on this. While we hold ourselves to strong values of chastity, that doesn't mean we aren't affected by the plague of promiscuity. Feelings of inadequacy, rediculous expectations, addictions to pornography, and beliefs that our lives are meant to fall in place like a fantasy all stem from this growing problem in the media and society. We are struggling to maintain stalwart and stand strong on the rock amidst the turbulent waters of the world. I think it is only going to get harder, and we are going to have to be very strong as we prepare our children to face this challenge.

[Bensalem]

Originally Posted by beefche

Ah, yes, make the woman completely responsible for a man's behavior.

Reread my post. I didn't relieve men of all responsibility.

The law of chastity applies to both men and women.

If a pair chooses not to abide by the law, the responsibility of contraception is both the man's and the woman's.

But the responsibility to conceive and give birth to a child is the woman's burden, so too her unique responsibility. It remains the responsibility of the man to make the family whole, preferably by marriage but certainly through financial support.

The OP raises the question of a woman's choice to have a baby out-of-wedlock (because irresponsible men are not marriageable). No child should be conceived under those conditions. To do so would be irresponsible of the woman.

[garryw]

Originally Posted by Over43

many women can't find "a man"

I would suggest that that the 50% of women who are giving birth out of wedlock have indeed found a man. Mary is the only exception I know of, and those rare few who pay a sperm bank.

If they choose to fornicate with a guy who plays video games all day rather than take on family responsibilities, that is a choice. If they choose to procreate without marriage that is a choice.

I don't think the victim card is applicable.

[Vort]

Originally Posted by garryw

I would suggest that that the 50% of women who are giving birth out of wedlock have indeed found a man. Mary is the only exception I know of, and those rare few who pay a sperm bank.

If they choose to fornicate with a guy who plays video games all day rather than take on family responsibilities, that is a choice. If they choose to procreate without marriage that is a choice.

I don't think the victim card is applicable.

Hard to argue against this.

[MarginOfError]

A nice piece on the economy of sex