Non-RM stigma

[VisionOfLehi]

I know I'm in Utah now, but actually I got it a lot back home, too. Pretty much any adult member I associated with asked me about it. And then when I say I'm not currently planning one, they would switch into encouragement mode and sometimes get that "look" of "Well why not?"

And, see, I understand that there were some fellows in my ward that NEEDED that encouragement. They were able to, they just needed encouragement to go after it, and try and get some money for it. For them it was the push they needed to go on a mission. One of them is right now.

Honor, I like your example of a month later "When are you going to have another one?"
For me, a month after my BAPTISM people were asking "So, are you going to go on a mission?" That was awkward, for me. Could I at least finish reading the Book of Mormon, first? :P

But that question came up a LOT, so 4 months after becoming a member I got my PB to figure out what to do.


Canuck: Now that you're married, when missions get brought up in conversations, how do people react when they find out you didn't go on one?

[miztrniceguy]

Originally Posted by Canuck Mormon

When I was dating, this was a huge obstacle. There seemed to be a stigma against men who never went on a mission. As soon as some women found out I was not an RM they had no interest in me. Lucky for me, I found a woman who doesn't care about my past, she cares about what I am up to now.

Good Luck VoL.

i was inactive just out of high school until i was over 30 yrs old. when i became active again i went to several single lds chat sites. so many times i would get a pm chat message that the first thing was "RM?", not even hi how are you, or my name is...

it got to where i wouldn't even click on those popups. i did eventually marry someone from ldschat, but she didnt care about that.

[Islander]

In the general sense, every culture, including the church, has time honored built-in mores and values, social norms, and thus expectation which in fact is what happens in every social group. When a person chooses or circumstances dictate that a path different and away from the norm be followed it is going to be noticed. It is unfortunately unavoidable.

It becomes difficult to deal with because of the internal tension and cognitive dissonance it creates. There is the socially (do not forget doctrinal) expected behavior which is almost like a right of passage for young men in the church; and then there is what the young man chooses to do or is forced to do on account of certain circumstances.

Whatever it is, I think people function within the socio-cultural norms (it could be outside of Utah) and such expectations are part of the environment and thus they will always be prone to ask such questions. Sorry, tough deal.

[Listener]

Sometimes cultural beliefs and practices are at risk of putting the letter of the law above the spirit.

It is obvious from your posts that you are a thoughtful and faithful person. The key responsibility which we can all work on is to follow the direction we receive, as individuals. Although the church has a Prophet, so also every member has their own gifts, and their own turf to exercise them on. I am far too old as a convert to drop my family, and run off on a mission...but I have to say that the work I do is the best mission field for me. (So, until I retire, I guess I can never be "Returned"...my wife loves me anyway.)

You have integrity. Let that be your defense.

[Stacey_Jay]

Originally Posted by miztrniceguy

i was inactive just out of high school until i was over 30 yrs old. when i became active again i went to several single lds chat sites. so many times i would get a pm chat message that the first thing was "RM?", not even hi how are you, or my name is...

it got to where i wouldn't even click on those popups. i did eventually marry someone from ldschat, but she didnt care about that.

seriosusly?? That is outrageous. How shallow minded can some people be?! Also just because you've been on a mission doesnt make you a wonderful brilliant person-I know a few 'RMs' who are idiots!!!!

[WANDERER]

Cheer up.
The only thing RMs probably get asked is when are they going to get married and have a family.

At least it spares you that question for a while.

[miztrniceguy]

Originally Posted by Stacey_Jay

seriosusly?? That is outrageous. How shallow minded can some people be?! Also just because you've been on a mission doesnt make you a wonderful brilliant person-I know a few 'RMs' who are idiots!!!!

exactly my point stacey! well, their loss as i'm married 6 yrs now!

[Stacey_Jay]

Originally Posted by miztrniceguy

exactly my point stacey! well, their loss as i'm married 6 yrs now!

They are the ones missing out

[skippy740]

I didn't go on my mission until I was 21. There was a steady 2-years of the same questions "Are you going on a mission? Are your papers in yet?, etc." To make it worse, my bishop was a recently returned Mission President! Who do you think he had on HIS radar, huh?

My way of going against this was to wear a different color shirt (other than white) every Sunday to try to avoid that "fresh missionary look".

If I had left at 19, I KNOW I would've wasted that time - because my heart wouldn'tve been in it. This did give me a chance to serve in different church callings during this time and that helped me exercise more faith and feel useful to the ward.

I let everyone know that I was interested when I began wearing white shirts more frequently every Sunday.

So, wear colored shirts and grow out a goatee and let everyone think you're a "rebel without a cause"!

[VisionOfLehi]

LOL! I do like to wear colored shirts, and have thought about growing a goatee again, but not for that!