Non-RM stigma

[RachelleDrew]

I don't think women realize how shallow it makes them seem to only want an RM for a mate. That's like someone saying that they will only marry someone who is a doctor....it's not necessarily a good indication of their character and it makes men feel like crap.

I hope I raise a daughter who has high expectations for a mate, but isn't so stupid as to think that the only important thing about a mate is that he's an RM. I would be very embarrassed if I had a daughter who turned down kind, genuine men for dates just because they didn't fit the social status quo.

[StrawberryFields]

I think being a returned missionary is a title of sorts...

"Meet Trevor Best, he is a return missionary."

Who wouldn't want that?

An then you can even get bumber stickers... Proud Parent of an LDS Missionary.

[Truegrits]

I do wish to be a proud parent of an LDS Missionary. That they choose to give up eighteen months>two years to the sharing of the Gospel is laudable. It does not, however, mean that they are 'better' than those who do not serve...it does not necessarily mean that they will be more spiritual, honorable, etc., than those that, for whatever reason, do not serve a Mission. The worth of a person is dependant on so much more than whether they served a mission, or not. There are no guarantees either way.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally Posted by Truegrits

I do wish to be a proud parent of an LDS Missionary. That they choose to give up eighteen months>two years to the sharing of the Gospel is laudable. It does not, however, mean that they are 'better' than those who do not serve...it does not necessarily mean that they will be more spiritual, honorable, etc., than those that, for whatever reason, do not serve a Mission. The worth of a person is dependant on so much more than whether they served a mission, or not. There are no guarantees either way.

I couldn't agree more.

[rayhale]

People who don’t go on missions because of medical reasons are also being treated like they aren’t faithful. I think that’s sad. I have an older brother that couldn’t go on a mission because of medical reasons, but it’s obvious that he couldn’t go. I waited for a year to go on my mission because my parents were worried about not being able to afford the $375 per month for me and for 6 months of my mission $ 750 for both me and my younger brother. My bishop told my parents not to worry, someone in the ward would help us out on our missions.
I agree that some people can be insensitive, but like a few posts have said, these people are trying to help you, going on a mission is a modern commandment for young men, it’s optional for young women, they have the option of either getting married or going on a mission, in theory that’s why they don’t go on a mission until 21, so they can go on dates with Returned Missionaries. It’s either that or the other explanation that makes less sense; that there will be an age gap between the 19-year-old male missionaries and the 21-year-old female missionaries.

[changed]

My hubby never went on a mission, and it was because of me. We had just started dating, I was not a member, did not understand the whole mission thing, I encouraged him to stay, and he did. Instead of serving an official mission, he served one from home. It was through him that I was introduced to the church. We were married a year after he baptized me. I do not have any regrets that he did not go on a mission. I would not be a member right now if he had. when we retire, we will go on a couples mission. That will be enough.

I have another friend in our ward who regrets her mission. She had the choice between marriage and a mission too. she chose a mission, ended up marrying someone else, got divorced, always wondered what her life would have been like had she not served... so there is at least one "regrets" story. see what the next few years brings. You will find reasons for where the Lord puts you.

Good luck in school!

[RachelleDrew]

Rayhale, you mentioned something that reinforced my plans for my own children.

My husband and I are going to encourage our children to do college, a mission and the military. We would love it if they do all three, but that's not our choice to make for them. But it would be easier to do all three, and it would be at no expense to them.

We have set money back for our children. If they choose to go on a mission, it will be paid for in full by us, no questions asked. We are never going to be very wealthy people due to the nature of our future career plans so we can't really afford to help them out with college. But we could probably do a mission for each of our children. I don't want my kids to have to make the choice of if they should go on a mission or not based on finances. So the deal is if they wish to go on a mission, it is paid for. We already have that account started for them.

As for college, if they did a stint in the military then that would be paid for too. But we simply cannot do that for them. Looks like loan city for them otherwise. :P

[rayhale]

The Church strongly encourages that the family of the missionaries to pay the full $375 per month, but if they can’t, then talk to the Bishop about your financial situation, and he will help you out. This is the main reason the Church changed the monthly amounts from whatever amount you needed to live on in your area, to a set price per month. For example for some if you went to Japan, you had to spend upwards of $1,600 a month, or if you went to a third world area you might only have needed to spend $50 a month. A set price per month is fairer for everyone.

[NateHowe]

There are some appropriate reasons for a young man not to serve a full-time mission. Those reasons are between the Lord, the individual, and his ecclesiastical leaders. To ostracize or demean a man because he did not serve a full-time mission is inappropriate.

However, missionary service is one factor that should be taken into account when choosing a spouse. That is not to say it is a blanket prequalification - it is one of many criteria to consider carefully.

I can say that missionary service changed my entire outlook on God, the role of the Church, and interpersonal relationships. It taught me how to be more spiritually independent. It allowed me to develop leadership skills not available in other settings. I know that my marriage would not be as strong if I had not served a mission, even if I had married the same girl.

Now, does that mean that my peers who did not serve are inferior? No. Some of them have gone on to successful careers and Temple marriages. But many of them have traveled more difficult roads on the way to that goal, and many have not made it.

On the flipside, there are some who go on missions for no other reason than to have the "RM" status. In the words of scripture, they have their reward. Faithful missionary service will strengthen the man who serves with real intent.

So if I had a daughter, my counsel would be this: Look for a man who has invested wisely in his future eternal marriage. Past performance often does indicate future results. A mission is one of the best investments toward that goal. If a young man has had the benefit of growing up in the Church, but has neglected to follow the Prophet's counsel to serve a mission, he ought to have a good reason. If he did serve, how is his life now? Is he living up to the standards he was commissioned to teach? Examine the whole person, and take the mission experience in context with the rest of the whole.

There is no set formula for finding the right partner, but certain indicators show the pattern of one's life. It is appropriate for missionary service to be on that list.

[StrawberryFields]

It's kind of interesting what serving a mission does to the entire family.

Have you ever sat back and taken notes to see how the is family set apart depending on their children serving missions?