Non-RM stigma

[guitarwizard]

Admittedly, i did not read all five pages, but concerning what the OP said: I am under this banner right now.

I have a very strong faith and testimony in the Lord Jesus Christ and His Church, and that this is it, but a mission is not a possibility for me. One reason being that i am a recent convert of not even a year, the other reasons being mostly financial with a few family issues (including the words "disowned" thrown around a few times).

I am currently seriously dating a woman in the church and we have seriously talked about marriage, as in we are engaged without the official announcement. Unofficially engaged i guess you could say.

It is really hard for me to withstand what i keep hearing from her family though: You can go on a mission! You will be so happy! It is what God wants you to do! You are supposed to!

It is if they really believe that i don't want to go. I would love to go, but my calling is here, especially among my family and friends. And that is something that I know, i am called to serve as a member missionary. I just don't know why her family can't accept this and worry about the consequences it might have on our relationship.

I always encouraged my daughter to marry an RM. Reasons:

It gives a good indication that the Lord comes first in his life. (Important, since one is choosing the father of one's future children.)
A mission brings blessings to him and his family, present and future.
The example it sets for future sons.

Another reason I taught my daughter this, is that girls hold a lot of power over boys. If the girls are all encouraging them to go--they'll go if at all possible. My boyfriend left me to go on a mission, and we were married 6 months after his return. What would we have told our sons years later, had he chosen not to go?

If you are not able to go for reasons beyond your control, then it's unfortunate that people are making you feel pressured. A simple answer should be enough for them. My oldest son did not go until he was 22, because of personal problems. Those extra years of added maturity were a great asset when he did finally go. But those were also years of many prayers, fasting, and seeking solace at the temple.

We all have to listen to the Spirit for our own guidance. For a decision as important as delaying or omitting a full-time mission, (if it were me), I'd be REALLY sure of what God wanted me to do. I wouldn't want to make a mistake because it would affect others besides me--meaning my future family.

[Vort]

Originally Posted by guitarwizard

a mission is not a possibility for me. One reason being that i am a recent convert of not even a year, the other reasons being mostly financial with a few family issues (including the words "disowned" thrown around a few times)...I would love to go, but my calling is here, especially among my family and friends.

Consider your sig:

"How can you say the door cannot be opened until your knuckles are bloody, till your head is bruised, till your muscles are sore? It can be done." - Spencer W. Kimball

You do what you feel led to do. But I suspect that if you decide to serve a mission, the way will open for you to do so.

[Islander]

Originally Posted by Vort

Consider your sig:


You do what you feel led to do. But I suspect that if you decide to serve a mission, the way will open for you to do so.

Amen to that!!

[Maureen]

I feel that missions for young men are so traditional that it's very hard for the older generations (escpecially my generation and older) to change their way of thinking. It will probably take new converts and a different attitude with the younger generation to change the typical tradition now to an authentic choice for many young men - as opposed to what's expected.

I know a guy who told his fiancee that he had changed his mind about getting married, and needed to serve a mission. So he did, in Russia. She waited and when he got home, they got married.

They now have a baby boy. When that son turns 19, his dad will be able to say to him, "Go. Do as I did."

[bmy-]

I feel you. I'm a recent convert.. and the pressure has shifted from "join the church" to "go on a mission" and telling them to bug off doesn't help. I feel I can do MUCH more good here than elsewhere. On top of that I feel no 'call to serve'.

I'm halfway done with school already -- I don't feel the need to throw that away. I'm glad 'they' feel called to 'serve' but I think their holier than thou attitude is counter-productive. I'd rather learn in the real world than on a mission. I think that's what it comes down to for me.

If there wasn't a lack of respect for males who choose not to go I would have no problem. Perhaps it's just a local problem?

Interestingly enough.. most of the 'non-rm' stigma comes from females. Who of course neglect their oppurtunity to go on a mission so they can 'multiply and replenish the earth' while draining mom and dads bank accounts.

Brandon
YMMV

Originally Posted by bmy-

I feel you. I'm a recent convert.. and the pressure has shifted from "join the church" to "go on a mission" and telling them to bug off doesn't help. I feel I can do MUCH more good here than elsewhere. On top of that I feel no 'call to serve'.

I'm halfway done with school already -- I don't feel the need to throw that away. I'm glad 'they' feel called to 'serve' but I think their holier than thou attitude is counter-productive. I'd rather learn in the real world than on a mission. I think that's what it comes down to for me.

If there wasn't a lack of respect for males who choose not to go I would have no problem. Perhaps it's just a local problem?

Interestingly enough.. most of the 'non-rm' stigma comes from females. Who of course neglect their oppurtunity to go on a mission so they can 'multiply and replenish the earth' while draining mom and dads bank accounts.

Brandon
YMMV

People are encouraging you to serve a mission because they are thinking of you. They know what a mission does to and for the missionary. As a new convert your testimony is young and fragile, and a mission would strengthen it and better prepare you for life afterwards. The blessings of serving a mission would be lifelong. There is simply no replacement for what you would learn if you go. These people know this and want this for you. They want this for your future wife and children. They know the value.

Girls aren't responsible to serve missions. They are welcome to go if they wish, but the responsibility lies upon the men. LDS men are all called and it's their personal responsibility to become worthy and ready. The pressure you feel from the girls is because they want their children's dad to have served a mission. They want their sons to have that example. They want those blessings for their family.

[NateHowe]

Originally Posted by Maureen

I feel that missions for young men are so traditional that it's very hard for the older generations (escpecially my generation and older) to change their way of thinking. It will probably take new converts and a different attitude with the younger generation to change the typical tradition now to an authentic choice for many young men - as opposed to what's expected.

"Raising the Bar" in the early part of this decade did not rescind the prophetic command for every worthy and able young man to serve a mission. In fact, it was clearly restated. Again, that does not mean we should ostracize those who have not yet made the choice, but the choice should be encouraged.

[bmy-]

Originally Posted by bren1975

People are encouraging you to serve a mission because they are thinking of you. They know what a mission does to and for the missionary. As a new convert your testimony is young and fragile, and a mission would strengthen it and better prepare you for life afterwards. The blessings of serving a mission would be lifelong. There is simply no replacement for what you would learn if you go. These people know this and want this for you. They want this for your future wife and children. They know the value.

Girls aren't responsible to serve missions. They are welcome to go if they wish, but the responsibility lies upon the men. LDS men are all called and it's their personal responsibility to become worthy and ready. The pressure you feel from the girls is because they want their children's dad to have served a mission. They want their sons to have that example. They want those blessings for their family.

I understand they want what they think is 'best' for me. But do they want it because it's the 'standard' or because I would benefit from it? I've seen to many girls stick up their noses at guys who chose not to go on a mission to believe it's for my own benefit. For their benefit seems more like it.

For instance.. my girlfriends sister values a mission over a highschool education. She's not the only one who has told me that. I might be alone.. but I think that's childish.

Granted there are a few gems here and there but they are the exceptions. [My gf is one.. man i'm lucky!]

I'm a firm believer that the blessings come from them being more mature when they start their life. Whether it's marriage or college.. a 21 year old will do far better compared average 19 year old.

There's no replacement for knowledge period. The missionaries have no replacement for the things i'm learning just like I won't be able to replicate their experience.

Originally Posted by NateHowe

"Raising the Bar" in the early part of this decade did not rescind the prophetic command for every worthy and able young man to serve a mission. In fact, it was clearly restated. Again, that does not mean we should ostracize those who have not yet made the choice, but the choice should be encouraged.

Thank you for recognizing that. While there are no 'official' penalties there is definitely a negative stigma that goes with the job.