resources/links for your marriage

[Netgood]

This needs a list of internet filters.
OpenDNS > Use OpenDNS Is a good DNS filter service that you can put on your router

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

There is a trend in this forum for people to come in and ask for advice about Pornography, Infidelity, and ailments that are facing marriages.

As many of us read, respond to, and participate in the ongoing discussions, there is the sense that much of what is being asked and discussed has already been posted in some form or another by another poster.

So, it is my hope that the mod's make this a sticky and that people who are having questions about their marital relationships come here and read this first before posting their questions for advice. Whether you want to call these rules or guidelines, it is up to the individual reader. However, I feel there needs to be some sort of parameter established regarding how one seeks after advice from others.

First, there are several pamphlets that have already been published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These resources are basic and ought to be consulted by those who are seeking advice.

Resources to consult, read, study, and ponder

President Howard W. Hunter - "Being a Righteous Husband and Father" originally published in the November 1994 issue of the Ensign

President David O Mckay - Marriage and Divorce April 8, 1945 General Conference Address

Terrance D. Olson - Seeking the Spirit in Marriage, October, 1987 Ensign

President Ezra Taft Benson - To the Fathers in Israel, 1987 General Conference

At Home with the Hinckly's - An interview regarding Marriage.

President Hinkley - Marriage that Endures

President Hinckley - What God Hath Joined

Coping with Difficulties in Marriage

Elder Robert L. Simpson, 1982 - A Lasting Marriage

Charles B. Beckert - Pitfalls of Parallel Marriages

Spencer W. Kimball - First Presidency Message - Oneness In Marriage

Kenneth W. Matheson - Fidelity in Marriage: It's more than you think

Mending our Marriages - Oct. 1996 Ensign

Combating Pornography Website NOTE: This is a strong resource for those spouses who have discovered, suspect, or are dealing with the addiction of pornography and how to assist the spouse in their recovery. Since much of the threads here deal with pornography (either because a spouse comes here to confess their addiction, or a spouse who has recently discovered their husband/wife with the addiction to pornography) this website should become your friend.

Blended (Step-Families)

Divorce

Additional Marriage Resources

There are probably more resources available that deal with Marriage and difficulties in marriage, but these resources are here for those seeking advice. utilize these resources to your advantage. Read them, ponder them, study them.

Now that we have established a small library of resources, let us get to the guidelines here (or my own personal guidelines that I would like to see implemented in this forum).

1) Understand that when you post a thread where you are seeking advice, you will be receiving constructive criticism, as well as hard-line questioning. This is not because we are being mean-spirited, but the frequency of one person posting similar stories of spousal infidelity (Caught my wife/husband cheating - what do I do?) to harsh commentary that calls your integrity and character into question. Meaning, do not post something in this forum where you are not willing to endure positive and negative comments to your posting.

2) Read previous threads (maybe the Moderators can pool together a list of the common threads that deal with some of the common advice posters are asking for and categorize them so that they are searchable) as to what has already been said on similar subject of your advice. Meaning, if you are going to post something about catching your spouse having an affair with another person, then find those threads where others have previously posted and where there is discussion going on. This helps alleviate new posts on the same topic of advice and will actually engage everyone to discuss the topic openly and more appropriately. Why do we need twenty threads on the same "I just found out my spouse is cheating on me, what should I do?"

3) Understand that we are human beings and that each one of us have different perceptions on the same thing. While some of us are able to show forth empathy towards the posters who come here for advice, there are others who are more blunt and honest in their approach. Sometimes we have the best intentions at heart, and sometimes come off as offensive when we are being sincere and truthful. Other times, we are just being brutally honest with the topic at hand.

4) When posters recommend the person who is seeking advice to go to their Bishop/Branch President, this is not to discourage you, but is appropriate. If it is something where you need to confess grievous sins that is the more appropriate route to go. This is so that you get that person-to-person counseling one needs. While there is something of an anonymity in posting online one's "confession" it should not constitute having done so in a Church and ecclesiastical setting. Church Discipline is there to help the individuals who are struggling and allows those who need such counseling to begin the repentance process and healing. This is where you will receive the advice of another, work on the issues at hand. Something that really can't be accomplished online.

5) Keep those who are participating in these sensitive discussions updated on ones progress. This helps those who want advice to continue to find solace in knowing that there are members of the Church here to help, listen, pray, and encourage. Plus it gives you that added bonus of being held accountable for what you are doing and how you are progressing. This also allows those participating in seeing who really is sincere in seeking advice and change whereas there are some who just come here and post under a fictitious name and then abandon's the thread, only to come back months later with something similar, or more complaints as to what other problems are going on in the marriage relationship.

As previously stated, I hope the moderators will make this a sticky so that people who are coming here for advice can refer to the resources presented, be able to gauge their posting and ensure that they are really here for the right reasons.

We all need help, some more than others, but we all are in this together and we are here to help.

Timothy R. Berman

[Wingnut]

Here's a sticky post on this topic. Perhaps your thread could be added to it. resources/links for your marriage

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

Originally Posted by Wingnut

Here's a sticky post on this topic. Perhaps your thread could be added to it. resources/links for your marriage

I just saw the sticky post lol...

[twort]

Thank you, there are some great links in this post.

Originally Posted by SeattleTruthSeeker

There is a trend in this forum for people to come in and ask for advice about Pornography, Infidelity, and ailments that are facing marriages.

As many of us read, respond to, and participate in the ongoing discussions, there is the sense that much of what is being asked and discussed has already been posted in some form or another by another poster.

So, it is my hope that the mod's make this a sticky and that people who are having questions about their marital relationships come here and read this first before posting their questions for advice. Whether you want to call these rules or guidelines, it is up to the individual reader. However, I feel there needs to be some sort of parameter established regarding how one seeks after advice from others.

First, there are several pamphlets that have already been published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These resources are basic and ought to be consulted by those who are seeking advice.

Resources to consult, read, study, and ponder

President Howard W. Hunter - "Being a Righteous Husband and Father" originally published in the November 1994 issue of the Ensign

President David O Mckay - Marriage and Divorce April 8, 1945 General Conference Address

Terrance D. Olson - Seeking the Spirit in Marriage, October, 1987 Ensign

President Ezra Taft Benson - To the Fathers in Israel, 1987 General Conference

At Home with the Hinckly's - An interview regarding Marriage.

President Hinkley - Marriage that Endures

President Hinckley - What God Hath Joined

Coping with Difficulties in Marriage

Elder Robert L. Simpson, 1982 - A Lasting Marriage

Charles B. Beckert - Pitfalls of Parallel Marriages

Spencer W. Kimball - First Presidency Message - Oneness In Marriage

Kenneth W. Matheson - Fidelity in Marriage: It's more than you think

Mending our Marriages - Oct. 1996 Ensign

Combating Pornography Website NOTE: This is a strong resource for those spouses who have discovered, suspect, or are dealing with the addiction of pornography and how to assist the spouse in their recovery. Since much of the threads here deal with pornography (either because a spouse comes here to confess their addiction, or a spouse who has recently discovered their husband/wife with the addiction to pornography) this website should become your friend.

Blended (Step-Families)

Divorce

Additional Marriage Resources

There are probably more resources available that deal with Marriage and difficulties in marriage, but these resources are here for those seeking advice. utilize these resources to your advantage. Read them, ponder them, study them.

Now that we have established a small library of resources, let us get to the guidelines here (or my own personal guidelines that I would like to see implemented in this forum).

1) Understand that when you post a thread where you are seeking advice, you will be receiving constructive criticism, as well as hard-line questioning. This is not because we are being mean-spirited, but the frequency of one person posting similar stories of spousal infidelity (Caught my wife/husband cheating - what do I do?) to harsh commentary that calls your integrity and character into question. Meaning, do not post something in this forum where you are not willing to endure positive and negative comments to your posting.

2) Read previous threads (maybe the Moderators can pool together a list of the common threads that deal with some of the common advice posters are asking for and categorize them so that they are searchable) as to what has already been said on similar subject of your advice. Meaning, if you are going to post something about catching your spouse having an affair with another person, then find those threads where others have previously posted and where there is discussion going on. This helps alleviate new posts on the same topic of advice and will actually engage everyone to discuss the topic openly and more appropriately. Why do we need twenty threads on the same "I just found out my spouse is cheating on me, what should I do?"

3) Understand that we are human beings and that each one of us have different perceptions on the same thing. While some of us are able to show forth empathy towards the posters who come here for advice, there are others who are more blunt and honest in their approach. Sometimes we have the best intentions at heart, and sometimes come off as offensive when we are being sincere and truthful. Other times, we are just being brutally honest with the topic at hand.

4) When posters recommend the person who is seeking advice to go to their Bishop/Branch President, this is not to discourage you, but is appropriate. If it is something where you need to confess grievous sins that is the more appropriate route to go. This is so that you get that person-to-person counseling one needs. While there is something of an anonymity in posting online one's "confession" it should not constitute having done so in a Church and ecclesiastical setting. Church Discipline is there to help the individuals who are struggling and allows those who need such counseling to begin the repentance process and healing. This is where you will receive the advice of another, work on the issues at hand. Something that really can't be accomplished online.

5) Keep those who are participating in these sensitive discussions updated on ones progress. This helps those who want advice to continue to find solace in knowing that there are members of the Church here to help, listen, pray, and encourage. Plus it gives you that added bonus of being held accountable for what you are doing and how you are progressing. This also allows those participating in seeing who really is sincere in seeking advice and change whereas there are some who just come here and post under a fictitious name and then abandon's the thread, only to come back months later with something similar, or more complaints as to what other problems are going on in the marriage relationship.

As previously stated, I hope the moderators will make this a sticky so that people who are coming here for advice can refer to the resources presented, be able to gauge their posting and ensure that they are really here for the right reasons.

We all need help, some more than others, but we all are in this together and we are here to help.

Timothy R. Berman

[Gwen]

not trying to be spam-ish but i really do think these belong in this thread.

DeseretBook.com - 300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage

DeseretBook.com - 300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask for a More Vibrant Marriage

[ryanh]

John Gottman's - Why Marriages Succeed or Fail . . . and how you can make yours last.

From the back of the book:

Psychologist John Gottman has spent 20 years studying what makes a marriage last. Now you can use his tested methods to evaluate, strengthen, and maintain your own long-term relationship. This breakthrough book guides you through a series of self-tests designed to help you determine what kind of marriage you have, where your strengths and weaknesses are, and what specific actions you can take to help your marriage.

You'll also learn:
* More sex doesn't necessarily improve a marriage
* Frequent arguing will not lead to divorce
* Financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship
* Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years
* There is a reason husbands withdraw from arguments -- and there's a way around it

Dr. Gottman tells you how to recognize attitudes that doom a marriage -- contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling -- and provides practical exercises, quizzes, tips, and techniques that will help you understand and make the most of your relationship. You can avoid patterns that lead to divorce, and -- Why Marriages Succeed or Fail will show you how.

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., whose breakthrough study of 2,000 married couples over two decades resulted in this book, is renowned for his ability to predict - with 94 percent accuracy - which people will stay married and which will divorce.

[UnhappyMom]

The magnify your marriage site is down. I believe that he had to shut it down due to his, or his wife's health problems.

I went to one of his seminars, he was great. Wish it had lasted... Who knows, if we went to one again maybe things would be different.

[WifeSupport]

I love gungor, if only my marriage wasn't in MLC right now, his advice would be awsome for us. He has a pod cast too if you go through itunes called "mark gungor radio show". It's a little direct so for adults only, but if you can handle it, it's fun and informative. Fresh ideas responding to real emails from couples.

[karlaa]

hi there, i must say that some of the links are pretty helpful as they come with very good info i have never had the chance to run into.. so hope you guys will post more soon. karla