Garments when husband is a nonmember

ChooseTheSun · #1 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 08:00 AM

I've read the posts about responding to strangers who question the garments. But what if it's your husband/wife? A snappy comeback like "you want to know about my underwear?" really won't cut it.

I don't have my endowment yet, but it will be soon. My wonderful husband is a nonmember. Moderately supportive of me attending Church and even Temple baptisms, partly (mostly) because I cook him a prime rib every Sunday after church.

The garments are going to be a whole new territory. He's loving, but I know something like garments will seem bizarre and likely off-puting. I don't know what modern garments look like, so maybe they'll blend in with the rest of my under-stuff. Or not? What do I tell him? Can he see them as routinely as a member-husband would? Do I hide my laundry?

Jennarator · #2 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 08:23 AM

I would talk to him about them. He doesn't need to know a lot, but he needs to understand that they are important and need to bee worn day & night. (Unless you are participating in an activity that would revent you from wearing them.) I don't know exact limits on what you can and can't tell him, well I kinda do, but he will see them, so he needs some information. I have a number of friends and even some relitives that are in this situations and I seriously doubt they hide laundry. I think most questions can go to your bishop and perhaps RS pres? Good luck.

Vort · #3 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChooseTheSun

I've read the posts about responding to strangers who question the garments. But what if it's your husband/wife? A snappy comeback like "you want to know about my underwear?" really won't cut it.

To be clear: The "snappy comeback" was something I used on an antagonistic stranger who clearly had no real interest in the garment or the LDS religion except to mock them. For relatives, friends, and well-meaning acquaintances, or even sincere strangers, such a response would be out of place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChooseTheSun

I don't have my endowment yet, but it will be soon. My wonderful husband is a nonmember. Moderately supportive of me attending Church and even Temple baptisms, partly (mostly) because I cook him a prime rib every Sunday after church.

I can see how that would be an encouragement.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChooseTheSun

The garments are going to be a whole new territory. He's loving, but I know something like garments will seem bizarre and likely off-puting. I don't know what modern garments look like, so maybe they'll blend in with the rest of my under-stuff. Or not? What do I tell him? Can he see them as routinely as a member-husband would? Do I hide my laundry?

Nah. Just tell him what others have suggested earlier: The garment is a reminder of my covenants and a spiritual protection. Wearing it privately, underneath my clothing, demonstrates my devotion to God and my promises to him.

Honestly, if your choice in underwear is the weirdest thing about you that your husband has to put up with, he will consider himself the luckiest man on earth.

beefche · #4 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 08:53 AM

I think you should be as open to him as possible about it. Other than explaining what the symbols in the garments mean, I don't see anything wrong talking about the garments. Definitely you two should discuss how it's going to affect things for him. Questions to discuss: how often do I wear them? What do I wear with them for sleeping? Do I wear them when sleeping? How long to wait to put them on after lovemaking? When do I change into swimwear/work out clothes, etc (some people don't like to leave home without garments and so wear garms to the gym and then change--others feel differently).

Basically, you should discuss with him what they mean to you and how as a couple you will deal with the garments.

Backroads · #5 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 09:43 AM

I agree. If you wearing garments is a big deal for him, there's other issues. Garments certainly aren't the sexist underwear out there, but does he need you in sexy underwear 24/7?

ChooseTheSun · #6 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 01:30 PM

All your answers make sense. Thank you so much.

And, yeah, the prime rib really cuts me a lot of slack in other areas.

ruthiechan · #7 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 01:35 PM

My Bishop told me, when I was having this issue with my husband, that the garments are not supposed to be a barrier to intimacy.

What works for you and your spouse will be different than with me and mine. If you'd like details on how we worked it out PM me.

LDSJewess · #8 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 02:16 PM

Ok I'm an old lady here so maybe I am just not with it and I have no idea what my kids wear in front of their spouses in the privacy of their own homes.

I would just think of garments as underwear. Ask yourself if you wear your underwear under your clothing or do you run around the house wearing just your underwear? I would assume (told you I was an old lady) LOL, that people mostly wore their underwear UNDER their clothes even in front of their husband. When it comes time for intimacy you don't wear underwear anyway so what kind of underwear is a moot point.

Maybe it's just me but how many women let their men know that they prefer briefs over boxers or thongs or whatever? The same applies the other way around.

ruthiechan · #9 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 03:22 PM

Well, when you want to wear lingerie and be sexy for your man, garments rather ruin the effect. And some spouses find the garments off putting, so finding some sort of agreeable compromise is a good thing.

The Bishop who gave me the counsel that garments were not meant to be a barrier between intimacy said that men want two things from their woman. Sexiness and purity. It makes sense that with your man you can be very sexy, but toward any other man you would not be sexy. Hence you, as a woman, can be both very sexy and pure at the same time.

Also, my husband says that the best things in life happen without pants. So yeah, we'll lounge in our undies or in nothin' at all when we can.

Dravin · #10 (**permalink**) 06-03-2011, 03:24 PM

If it was just me and the missus and I was hot I'd shuck my outer clothing (at the very least a shirt) in a heartbeat. And I also don't wear PJs and wouldn't bother climbing into bed to remove my cloths under the covers so if my spouse was in the room they'd catch sight of my garments as I shucked my clothing. So there would be plenty of opportunity for my spouse to catch a look at my garments even if I wasn't willing to doff my shirt after mowing the lawn or something.

And if her husband ever helped with the laundry and did a load of whites they'd be right there in front of him.

Quote:

When it comes time for intimacy you don't wear underwear anyway so what kind of underwear is a moot point.

If intimacy is planned she might have slipped into something else but if something spontaneous happens (or planned, but by him) there is a good chance, unless she makes a point of running off to the bathroom to strip or something, that the garments will be seen by him. He's going to see her garments at some point, even if it's not the most common experience, and if nothing else if she doesn't wear pajamas (like I don't, and I imagine plenty of others) he'll feel the difference. It's not like the change will be unnoticeable.

Besides, I'm not sure it'd be advisable to pretend they don't exist even if he never would otherwise know they were different. If nothing else he needs to understand that if the sink overflows and he reaches into the laundry basket for some clothes to sop up the water that is now all over the floor that the garments are not to be used (normally I'd use a dirty towel, but if all the towels are clean I'll sop up such messes with dirty clothes).