Abusive or Bi-polar boyfriend?

shulace76 · #1 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:16 PM

I haven't ever posted on anything like this before. I'm a flurry of emotions at the moment. I have been in a 10 month relationship with a guy. It started out fantastic, but over time turned into a toxic relationship. He is sweet, loving, caring, kind, considerate, and generally fantastic most of the time, but when he's having an "off" mood he's downright mean, abusive, and hurtful. He has never put his hands on me in anger, but his words hurt as if I've been hit with a whip. He goes from "happy" to "sad" in a matter of hours. Always apologizing for his hurtful behavior, but it continues to happen over and over again. I've tried SO hard to hold this relationship together, because I want the person I fell in love with, but it's like a case of Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I don't know what to do to help him. I've gone with him to the Doctors office. However he (the boyfriend, not the Dr.) thinks his only issue is anxiety. I haven't a clue how to tell anyone what I see. He's not very close to his family, but I am in a situation where I see a sister of his regularly without him around. However, she wants nothing to do with the church. He was married once before, and told his family that his ex-wife was the one who drove him to leave her. Now that I have seen this side I have to wonder what her side of the story is. I hate being around him when he's "mad". I feel like it's all my fault that he's angry. I know the situation is awful, and as of right now we are no longer together. He ended it 2 days ago. However, the pain is still very real. And I still care about him deeply. I would like him to seek help, but I don't know where to turn. In truth I probably should seek some counseling of my own, and I have an appointment with my bishop soon to discuss that type of situation. Do I just drop it and walk away, and not say anything to his family about my concerns for his mental well-being? Or should I mention something when I see them? I welcome any advice you have.
Thanks!

skippy740 · #2 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:28 PM

http://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Ma...8544621&sr=8-1

Read the reviews for this book and see if they might be a key into understanding him.

Mood swings, great focus when he's feeling great, and a violent temper when he's not... sounds like how I could be at times.

skippy740 · #3 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:29 PM

This thread also goes into a little more discussion on ADD/ADHD. Worth reading for some perspective.

The Impact of Pornography on families

(Of course, I might think that everything could be ADD/ADHD. But I think the signs are there.)

Jennarator · #4 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:32 PM

This anger can be caused from many things, but not you. I was in a ten year marrige that sound just like this. When he is in the moment of anger, there is nothing you can do to fix it. It might never, but it can turn physical. My ex never laid a hand on my, but he did our son.
My first reaction is to run, before the relationship get more serious. But yes, see the bishop. See a counsler. I have seen one after my divorce and she really showed me how tocic the relationship. I have also been told by others that knew him that he was like that his whole life.
Remember verbal and emotional abuse is very serious! It doesn't have to be pysical to be just as devistating.

Jennarator · #5 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:33 PM

Sorry, I know there are tons of typos in this and that is normal for me, but more so since this strikes a nerve with me and I was typing out of emotion. Just read around the typos.

shulace76 · #6 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:36 PM

He has also been diagnosed with not only anxiety, but ADD/ADHD as well. But he's only on meds for the ADD/ADHD

skippy740 · #7 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:37 PM

Meds are not a complete solution. Since he has ADD/ADHD, get the book.

Keep in mind that I'm not recommending that you get back with him... or not. This is just for your own information to help you.

Jennarator · #8 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:38 PM

Another thought. Talk, frankly, to your mom or trusted friend that might see red flags that you don't. Love can be blind, trust a friend.

Windseeker · #9 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shulace76

I feel like it's all my fault that he's angry.

Welcome and I'm sure you'll get some great advice.

Here's my lame attempt:

No it's not your fault. Please let him go and stop feeling sorry for him. You can't save anyone. If I were you I'd fall on your knees and thank our Father in Heaven you escaped intact a life of complete misery and despair. Read thru this forum and you'll learn how to avoid some devastating mistakes.

Please be as selfish as possible when choosing a future partner, your future kids are counting on you and will thank you. Learn that love is a choice and choose wisely and carefully.

Jennarator · #10 (**permalink**) 10-13-2011, 04:44 PM

I second windseeker's words!