Why bother with getting sealed?

[JudoMinja]

Originally Posted by guast

Without getting too much into the whole family thing as opposed to the question of sealing between spouses let me just say this: I come from a broken family. Both parents remarried after the divorce, mom and step-dad active while dad is not and step-mom is non-member. A broken family is what it is: broken. I love my family but I don't want to be sealed to my step-dad (he's not my father) as much as I appreciate him and as good of a person as he is. I don't want to be sealed between two couples. I have nothing against the idea of "families forever" but once I figure out how to cancel the sealing that took place between me and my parents that's my next project (and I don't want to give the impression that I have abusive parents, cold, unloving parents or anything like that - I just want nothing to do with an eternal broken family.

I'm very familiar with the Abrahamic covenant. I'm not really sure how to state this without sounding cynical but I feel like if I want the blessings of the Abrahamic covenant it is because I'm supposed to want them, not because I really do want them. It just isn't something I wake up in the morning thinking, man if I'm righteous than I can have... There are many things that I like the idea of but at best I just don't really have an opinion on the Abrahamic covenant. I'm not apostate, I swear *smile*, it's more of an issue that I go down the route of I do right because I believe it is right, not because I anticipate great mansions or lots of kids or whatever in the future. And if I don't desire after something, I don't and certainly not simply because I'm supposed to.

As far as your concern about being sealed to a "broken family", you need not worry. Anyone who does not live up to the celestial requirements, while still recognized as sealed at this time, will no longer be so come judgement day and our placements in heaven. No eternal family will be broken. All the links in the chain will be mended, all the people perfected through their efforts and the atonement. Our focus should be an attempt to extend the sealing to all possible, so that God can sort it out later and everyone who has the potential of living up to the celestial law can enjoy those blessings. Remember that our covenants are an earthly requirement and can only be completed in this life. If you have the opportunity to be sealed, and you pass it up, you will not get another opportunity later. Sealings for the dead are meant to provide those who never had the chance in this life to also be sealed- and it is performed by those who are alive, by proxy, because it is an ordinance/covenant that must be performed while on earth.

As for the rest, I understand where you are coming from. I've entertained thoughts along a similar vein myself in the past. That is actually why I am still unendowed. I felt like I shouldn't go through the endowment when I didn't even feel a desire for the blessings and responsibilities of a celestial glory. I've always been the kind of person who is perfectly happy in a serviant/background role, maybe offering advice to whoever is in charge or running everything "backstage" so the process goes smoothly for the actors and directors. But I never felt a desire to take on the roles of director, manager, etc. In my mind, I saw a placement in the celestial kingdom as taking up one of these leadership roles that I just didn't want.

What I did then was start really studying, in depth, what we know about the afterlife and placement in the different kingdoms, as well as the covenants and promises we make and the details of the Abrahamic covenant. It's been about a year now since I first started delving deeper into everything, to get a better understanding and appreciation, and I can say that I am only now starting to feel like I want to go through with getting endowed.

Here's some scriptural food-for-thought for you:

D&C 131:1-4 "In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; And if he does not, he cannot obtain it. He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase." (emphasis added)

So, yes- sealing IS required for entry into at least the highest degree of the celestial glory. We know enough to know that those who aren't sealed cannot make it here. We may not know everything about the afterlife and how God is going to sort things out, but we know this at least.

D&C 88:22 "For he who is not able to abide the law of a celestial kingdom cannot abide a celestial glory."

What is the celestial law? That gets clarified here:

D&C 76:50-70 It's a bit lengthy. You can look it up if you wish, but here's the footnotes version-

Requirements for entry into celestial kingdom:

Faith in Christ, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, repentance, receive the Melchizedek Priesthood (males), be endowed and sealed, glory in God (humility and gratitude), gather upon Mount Zion (temples), be "just" (righteousness, self-improvement, enduring).

Blessings for fulfilling those requirements:

Be a "god" or co-inheriter with Christ of all God has, overcome all things, enemies subdued by God, dwell with God and Christ forever, come forth in the first resurrection, name written in heaven, receive a celestial body (light, knowledge, understanding, power).

Still don't feel like this is something you want? That's okay. I didn't at this point either. I felt I would probably be much happier in the terrestrial glory- not because I thought the requirements were difficult and didn't want to do them, but because I just had no desire for receiving the blessings. I felt I would be adequately happy and at peace with the blessings given to those who receive a terrestrial glory, as I could then serve in one of those "background" roles I prefer.

I started looking more deeply into the topic of covenants and found several articles on the topic on lds.org. There's:

The Abrahamaic Covenant - by S. Michael Wilcox
Of Compasses and Covenants - by Lance B. Wickman and
Children of the Covenant - by Russell M. Nelson

just to name a select few.

I started reaching a better understanding and started making comparisons to our service in the church and our families here on earth. Our life is a type or symbol of what is to come. Right now, our attempts are flawed and we come across many "broken" circumstances. But when we strive to abide by the ideals set before us- to magnify our divine roles as parents and spouses, and to magnify our callings in the church, and to reach out in service to those in our community- that is when we can begin to see what heaven is meant to be like.

Heaven isn't a place just for you. It isn't a place just for me. It isn't a place where we have strived to perfect ourselves and can then become the greatest being we can on our own. Heaven is going to be a very social place, filled with people. Heaven is a place for service. It's been said, we cannot be saved without our dead. It's been said that if we can bring but one soul unto Christ that our joy in heaven will be immeasurable. It's been said that the work will not be finished until everyone has had a chance to hear the gospel. Why? Because heaven is for everyone, and we are to reach out to help and serve and lift up those around us so that we can build the perfect heavenly community like the city of Enoch.

You will not feel a desire for this until you feel a desire to reach out to those around you, until you wish to help them be lifted up and to enjoy the blessings of an Enoch-like life. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cut yourself off from imperfection, but there should be an equal desire to bring the people forward while cleansing them of all that causes them to be imperfect. We all have imperfection within ourselves, and we will need to tolerate such imperfections while in mortality, and then do everything within our power to slowly work that imperfection out of ourselves and out of others- through service, magnifying our callings, and example- leaving others to exercise their agency and hopefully strive for the same.

[Juan_P]

Originally Posted by guast

Here's what I've found:

1. After a husband and wife die and wife can be sealed to ALL of the husbands she was married to - presumably (as some on this board have speculated) so she can chose who she REALLY wants to be married with.

2. After a spouse dies (and I know it doesn't happen frequently but if I am to believe what I'm told it does happen) the living spouse can have the sealing cancelled so that he/she can be sealed to someone else.

My 2cents worth:

1. in geneology they let a wife be sealed to all the husbands she's had during mortality so that the children can be sealed to two parents. Otherwise we would have to choose here who we seal all the children to ie mother and husband No.3 or No.2 or whatever. Presumably she will stay with the first or the one she really wants but that's a later decision she will take in the spirit world which we wont know about here on earth.

2. Rarely approved. She can have the sealing cancelled by the first presidency but I have never known a widow to have her sealing cancelled, even when it was a 26yold who was widowed after 5 weeks at 22. Rarely, if ever, approved by 1st presidency.

[Dove]

Originally Posted by guast

I guess I don't know a whole lot about how things are going to shake out in the next life and there's a lot I really don't care to speculate about but here's my question, so far as it relates to marriage and sealings: why bother?

I grew up under the impression that "families are forever," and got a little teary-eyed when Elder Bednar talked about, in his tender mercies talk, the widow receiving the note from her recently deceased husband about how families can be together forever.

But...

Some of the things I'm learning about doctrine (?) make me think that my perspective that if I am sealed in the temple and I am faithful and my spouse is faithful that we will have an eternal marriage is incredibly myopic and seemingly childish.

Here's what I've found:

1. After a husband and wife die and wife can be sealed to ALL of the husbands she was married to - presumably (as some on this board have speculated) so she can chose who she REALLY wants to be married with.

2. After a spouse dies (and I know it doesn't happen frequently but if I am to believe what I'm told it does happen) the living spouse can have the sealing cancelled so that he/she can be sealed to someone else.

I know there are no guarantees in marriage, life or anything. A spouse can cheat on you or divorce you -- but at least in those situations I'm there and whether or not I can control it I can at least be there to know it wasn't simply my uncontrollable absence that caused a spouse to up and cancel a temple sealing or simply decide someone was a bit better than what I had to offer.

Ground rules: I'm only talking about situations where spouses are both living faithfully to the gospel. I have no issue at all with someone who had a deadbeat, unfaithful or abusive spouse wanting to get sealed to someone who treated him or her better. No issue there and so let's skip the "everyone deserves a faithful spouse and some spouses leave the church, etc" speech.

The second part of this is that I'm not really interested in discussing what will or won't happen in the next life, whether it is polygamy or whether we are all living in a nudist, hippie colony or whatever crazy ideas people have because it is nothing more than speculation and we're not going to have answers to in this life.

If I'm not concerned about speculating about the next life then why the question, right? Because the sealing is in this life and my understanding of it and the answer to "why bother" affects whether I do or not and what of myself I give to a marriage. To be blunt, this, for me, goes much further than simply "obey or not obey"; I've been in some relationships that have ended in devastating ways and it affects how much of myself I will give to another. And the degree to which relationship has the possibility to exist affects how much I will give. A one-night stand (don't worry - just an example, not a lifestyle choice for me) would require very little commitment and it can be purely selfish. A til-death marriage is a nice, little vacation that you share with another person before you go your separate ways and if you outlive the other person you may or may not (as your discretion) replace the person with someone else to continue the remainder of your vacation in this life with. A temple sealing is something that you give ALL of yourself to and "cleave" to the other person because it is forever and your investment can yield greater than your whole self.

But why would I invest ALL of myself in something that "may" last forever... but may not (assuming again that both parties are faithful)? Some people have no problem with that and the risk is something they are willing to accept because, hey, it might turn out awesome in the end. Hopefully. But I do not have enough of myself left to invest in the risky proposition of, say, I die early and she decides to proceed to temple sealing number two or whatever the case.

It seems at that point easier to simply do the "til death do you part" and worry about the next life in the next life and not have to worry about investing in something that may not last more than this brief flicker of a life anyway, despite a person's best efforts.

Hi Guast;

Just to make you aware, I haven't fully read all the responding posts to your op yet. I wanted to answer your original question first....I apologize if I repeat some of what's already been said. Also, this is just my .02 cents worth, so please take it for what it's worth.

I, too, have come from a "broken" home where my dad was quite abusive. My parents divorced when I was in Jr. High. Both of them married spouses whom I've not really been close to at all. My stepdad is kind; but, we're not very close and more formal with each other than anything. Probably would not even associate with each other were it not my mom that connected us.
I don't get along with my stepmom anymore. She kept all of my dad's personal effects when he passed (special things we remember about him growing up) and gave us, his children, nothing.....

I am married to a wonderful husband of another faith. So, no, we don't have an eternal marriage. For us, it's "till death do us part."

Hopefully these experiences will give a little credence to what I have to say....

First of all, I don't believe I have to give all of who I am to my spouse. I believe the only People/Beings I want to give all of myself to is my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. Even then, it seems for me that God often hands it right back to me to work out my own "eternal salvation." Meaning, He wants me to use the talents and abilities He has already given me to work at finding my path back home.

As far as my husband goes on this, I am finding that I want to be autonomous and independent a great deal in our marriage, so that I can offer to my spouse a position of strength in building our marriage. My dear sister-in-law used to tell me, when I was single, that if I was unhappy being single, I would end up being unhappy in marriage. That my happiness wasn't conditioned on my spouse, or lack of one. That it was up to me to be happy within myself.

Placing God first in my life and then taking responsibility for my own happiness leads me to relate a little differently to my spouse. It has grieved me for awhile that we do not have a "temple marriage." I used to pray quite a bit for his heart to soften towards the gospel so that eventually we could be sealed in the temple. Heavenly Father showed me through promptings and experiences to absolutely respect my husband's agency in not wanting to embrace my beliefs. So, I've decided to love my husband the best I can for who he is; differences, shortcomings and all. I want to love him with the pure love of Christ. This isn't about ''giving all of who I am" to him. It's about altruism. Thinking about his wants/needs/hopes/dreams. Loving him tenderly, kindly, and in the language of love that he understands.

Luckily, my husband does a great job already of loving me in the way I just described. While he's not perfect, neither am I. I am soo far from being so. Most of what needs to be corrected in my frame of mind lies within my own power to do so, not my husband's.

Hope this helps.

Dove