Can a Man be Happily Married to a Fat Woman?

[pam]

Awww well I thought since she said in her post that she considered kicking him to the curb that's what you were referring to.

Nice way to get out of it though.

[Dravin]

Originally Posted by pam

Awww well I thought since she said in her post that she considered kicking him to the curb that's what you were referring to.

She did say, "Honestly, huge parts of me are wanting to kick him to the curb right this second and say good riddance." but that wasn't what I was referring to. It is probably why the phrasing was on the 'tip of my fingers' though, and I can understand why there might be confusion.

[beefche]

Maybe it's just me, but I'd tell the piece of doo-doo "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." Actually, no, I'd let the door hit him (with some encouragement from me....).

[anatess]

Wow. If my husband would read the OP, he'd probably do a roundhouse kick and a rear naked choke on the husband.

What's interesting about that comment is that my husband was a runway model when we got married and one of the things we talked about before getting married is his health-nut-ness. If I don't take care of my body he'll consider it a sign of disrespect to my body which extends to him as well.

So, you would think he'd be the kind of guy that would be like the OP's husband, right? Well, no. Because my husband loves ME not my waist line! Right now, I'm 40 lbs heavier than our wedding day. But, he does encourage me to stay healthy. Too fat or too skinny is an indicator that something in the body is not in balance (in my case, I hit my 40's and I can't seem to get a hold of this metabolic change). As long as I'm working on that balance that's really all that matters to him. In a way, I wish he would tell me I'm fat so I can be more motivated to change. He tells me I'm beautiful and calls me my lovely momma and that kinda makes me complacent that I'm just fine when I know my body is not in balance.

My husband busted a couple of discs on his back last year. When you're this guy who has always been healthy your whole life then you bust a couple discs and all of a sudden you can't work-out like you used to, it is really hard to get back in balance. So, my husband gained 30 lbs... and lost muscles... which is a drastic change for him... all happening in less than a year. You know what, he is still as loving as he is and I am still as loving as I am... it doesn't change anything. What changes is that I have to keep him motivated so he doesn't go down a depression spiral when he doesn't achieve his health goals.

So, can a man be happily married to a fat woman? YES. Can a man be happily married to what society considers ugly women? YES. Can a man be happily married to a one-legged, three-eyed woman? YES. Because, your physical body is not what you marry. It's the WHOLE PACKAGE that you marry.

So, go ahead and tell your husband to exchange you for a pair of Twenties with Pamela Anderson boobies. That would be his punishment for loving only "hotness". Because, when all you want is hotness, then that's all you get. Like getting a book just for the cover and not finding pages in between when you try to crack open the book... which, trust me on this, is misery on itself.

But, you, on the other hand... don't lose weight for HIM... he sure doesn't deserve it. Lose weight and feel good to stay healthy for yourself and your kids. Your kids would benefit from a mother who has the energy to care for them and a high chance of living past the birth of the grandkids. But, most of all, you want to feel good about yourself, for YOU. Don't worry about how much you weigh. Just worry about how healthy and energized you feel. Eat right, drink plenty of water, be physical (i.e., take the first parking space you find instead of circling around to find a closer spot then walk the rest of the way) keep away from stress, get enough sleep, enjoy nature, love every moment of life. That's health medicine, right there.

[Just_A_Guy]

Can a Man be Happily Married to a Fat Woman?

A man can. Your man? Well . . . reread your own post. What do you think?

He's already told you he's making preparations to leave. Do you believe him? Should you believe him?

At the very least, you should start building up a private emergency fund, just in case.

[Eowyn]

Originally Posted by Wingnut

I would be banned from this site if I used the word that come to mind to describe the OP's husband.

May I help a little?

I think the question the OP should ask herself is, can a daughter of God be happily married to a shallow, selfish [deleted by moderator - but not because I necessarily disagree]?

[Vort]

Originally Posted by Wingnut

I would be banned from this site if I used the word that come to mind to describe the OP's husband.

"Unknown"? "Described-from-a-single-biased-position"? "Not-given-a-chance-to-defend-himself-or-tell-his-side"? (Using hyphens, as I so cleverly did, makes it a single word.) Several years on this site have convinced me that it's silly to pass judgment on the spouse of someone who posts a complaint, even if the case seems clear-cut.

OP, to answer your question: Yes, of course a man can love a fat woman, just as he can love a tall or short or skinny or bald or beautiful woman. Love is an attribute of the lover, not of the beloved.

A very different but somewhat related question is, Can a man be attracted to a fat woman? The answer here is, Yes, it's certainly possible, but it depends on the man and on the woman. Some men (in our culture, the minority) prefer the look of a fat woman. Others are attracted to a certain woman regardless of what she looks like. I am confident I would be attracted to Sister Vort even if she were fat. (But, lucky me, I haven't yet had to find out by experience; her French metabolism keeps her looking gooooood, even as she approaches middle age.)

If your husband is holding his love for you hostage in exchange for you losing weight, my view is that the relationship needs serious modification on his part (and perhaps on yours). This is not about weight. If he's into porn, I am confident that has a lot to do with his unholy fixations on weight and body shape.

By the way, however you feel about the morality of oral sex, it is sex. Period. If he had "just" oral sex with a woman, then he committed adultery with her.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Do you have kids?

[Dravin]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

Do you have kids?

I'm figuring she does based on this snippet:

Because if not, I need to know now so I can put every effort I can muster into saving the relationship I already have and keeping my kids' dad around. I feel in my heart like I deserve better, but despite the things I've written in this post, he's a good dad, he provides well for our family, and he generally treats me well - no physical abuse or anything like that.

[Eowyn]

Not hitting you doesn't mean he's good to you.

If you have daughters, I'm concerned about what they're learning from him.