Can a Man be Happily Married to a Fat Woman?

[livy111us]

Love is not conditional on weight. I love my wife exactly the same no matter how much she weighs. Anyone who isn't shallow would agree with me. I think that is absolutely absurd and should raise BIG red flags! As you age, you will most likely gain weight. Does he expect you to have a perfect body your entire life? What is he going to do if you don't?

[Suzie]

He says the window of opportunity he has right now to get a hot wife is closing and if I'm not going to be the wife he wants, he's getting ready to go get her.

This whole thing has nothing to do with your weight. Your husband sounds like a jerk.

[MorningStar]

What it sounds like to me is that he is addicted to porn and it's easy to blame your body for his issues. If you lost weight, he would find another thing to blame his unhappiness on.

There are plenty of men who are attracted to overweight women. I was skinny when I met my husband and I gained weight due to health issues. He'll ask if I want ice cream. I'll say just a scoop and he'll bring me three. Stinker.

What I'm hearing from you is that you're willing to put up with this crap as long as you believe there's nothing better for you out there. I would rather have my dignity than deal with that. I would first tell him the threats to leave me better stop because I consider that abusive. My best friend's husband would bring up divorce during every argument and it was extremely hurtful to her. When they were visiting her family, he had the nerve to bring it up again. She felt safe there, so she said, "Yeah, get the papers. I'll sign them." That just made him even more angry, so he didn't really want a divorce. He was hanging it over her head to manipulate her.

To me, it doesn't sound like he's treating you well at all. He's getting away with this stuff because he knows you believe there isn't someone better out there for you.

[Backroads]

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he really does want to do better, but he seems to be making the price of that you losing weight. That's not a healthy way to repent.

[tumbledquartz]

Originally Posted by beefche

What does he think is going to happen if you lose the weight? Will the marriage be better? Will he be able to stop drinking, drugs and porn? Will the sex life be better? What does he see as limitations in the marriage due to your weight?

I can tell you what he says will be better. He will be able to sit in church, go to an amusement park, and basically go anywhere in public without being tortured by seeing beautiful women. He says church is the worst because anywhere else, he can tell himself that they probably don't have all my other great qualities, but at church, he knows that those women are also spiritual, LDS people like me.

He says he doesn't think about it while we're being intimate or anything; it's just seeing other women that he can't have that are better than me that drives him crazy and is the reason he cites for not going to church anymore.

[Dravin]

Originally Posted by tumbledquartz

He says he doesn't think about it while we're being intimate or anything; it's just seeing other women that he can't have that are better than me that drives him crazy and is the reason he cites for not going to church anymore.

I realize this isn't your thought process but it basically boils down to, "I want you to be such eye candy that it'll force me to stop coveting other women." Not only is the premise flawed that it's your place to stop his coveting, but, and please understand I'm not trying to call you old and ugly, but there will always be someone who can be judged to be prettier and younger than you. Think about magazines proclaiming the world's sexiest women, it's never the same women two years in a row.

[billp98908]

Wow! I'm sorry for the entire male population that you have to be married to a guy like that. Some guys are just STUPID! I wonder if he has a problem with pornography. It seems as though that is where he is getting the ideas that women are suppossed to look like Super Models even after having a few babies. Ask your husband to try and carry a baby for 9 months, grow his body all out of proportion with mosterous breasts and see how he feels. GEEZ!! What a maroon he is!!!

[Misshalfway]

Originally Posted by tumbledquartz

I can tell you what he says will be better. He will be able to sit in church, go to an amusement park, and basically go anywhere in public without being tortured by seeing beautiful women. He says church is the worst because anywhere else, he can tell himself that they probably don't have all my other great qualities, but at church, he knows that those women are also spiritual, LDS people like me.

He says he doesn't think about it while we're being intimate or anything; it's just seeing other women that he can't have that are better than me that drives him crazy and is the reason he cites for not going to church anymore.

Well, he's certainly got thought distortions out the whazzoo! Sounds to me like halmarks of addictive problems. He's objectifying women. He's trying to objectify you. And he is convinced that his happiness lies on the other side of realizing his fantasy. And he prolly doesn't think about it when he's having sex with you cause he's too focused on getting an orgasm.

Whatever his internal issues are, its clear he is pleasure seeking everywhere! Something isn't right in his "self" department. The fact that he is having some guilt and that he senses his imbalance is prolly a sign that there's a true man in there somewhere.

I think you both need therapy.....badly. If he won't go to therapy, then my next question is why is he still living in the house?

[annewandering]

A huge red flag is that he blames you for him not going to church. The reality is he doesnt want to go to church because he has sinned and hasnt repented. Once again he is blaming you for his faults. Other beautiful women have ZERO to with it. YOU have nothing to do with it. This is about him.

[Eowyn]

Originally Posted by Misshalfway

Well, he's certainly got thought distortions out the whazzoo!

Yeah, good thing pornography is not at all harmful and all normal and stuff.