Looking for some support

ldswithgreeneyes · #1 (**permalink**) 08-18-2012, 12:04 PM

I am having a bad day..well, actually a bad week..and am trying to feel better. I will get to the point. I am 38, mother of two wonferful girls and I am lonely. I have been divorced for four years and it is heartbreaking living in a coupled world.
I go to church every week and tears fill my eyes. Why? Because I see how much my ward's husbands love their wives and I am alone. I try to stay positive and participate and stre ngthen my testimony ..but today for example..there is a baptism in a few hours. I promised to make cookies and so I am going to show up for it..but you know what? I really don't want to go. Yes, I'm thrilled for the new member but why go and feel awful? Why go and be reminded that no man wants me and likely never will?
Don't get me wrong. I love the Church. I love my faith. I would rather have it than not. I just don't know what to do...

Eowyn · #2 (**permalink**) 08-18-2012, 05:42 PM

What are you doing to find an appropriate mate? Do you go to singles' activities? Use (LDS) dating sites? Is word out that you're looking?

If you want what you're doing to change, you have to change what you're doing.

MorningStar · #3 (**permalink**) 08-18-2012, 06:37 PM

I think you should go out anyway and be as positive as you can. Literally minutes after my friend's mom gave her a pep talk that she just needed to go out and meet people, she met her second husband. She only left her house because her mom told her to.

ldswithgreeneyes · #4 (**permalink**) 08-18-2012, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eowyn

What are you doing to find an appropriate mate? Do you go to singles' activities? Use (LDS) dating sites? Is word out that you're looking?

If you want what you're doing to change, you have to change what you're doing.

I am going to ask about singles' activities. I do know that there is an active midsingles ward but it is an hour away. I will try it but need to know logisitics (when and where it meets,etc)

I will not use the internet. I have children and need to be safe. You don't have the sa me security that dating by introduction brings.

I have let friends and family know I am looking but their pat answers are "We know no available men" and that might just be the case, kwim?

ldswithgreeneyes · #5 (**permalink**) 08-18-2012, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MorningStar

I think you should go out anyway and be as positive as you can. Literally minutes after my friend's mom gave her a pep talk that she just needed to go out and meet people, she met her second husband. She only left her house because her mom told her to.

Go out where? Just out to live my life or somewhere specific? I do try to be positive and cheerful. It just gets hard. It's hard to be all bubbly and happy when you are hurting inside.

Anddenex · #6 (**permalink**) 08-18-2012, 09:49 PM

Upon reading this, a story shared by President Thomas S. Monson enters into my mind.

President Monson shared the story of how the King had lost one of his most prized jewels. The King offered a handsome reward to the individual who found the jewel and returned it.

A young farm boy thought how this reward would greatly enhance his livelihood and his families livelihood. When he returned home he told his mother of the news and said he was going out to find it, even though he had responsibilities and duties at home. He was informed that he could not go and he must attend to his duties. Although the young man did not like it, he knew his mother was right. He went and attended to his duties.

While he was doing his duty, by a small stream, he noticed something shiny in the water. He bent over, picked it up, and noticed it was the King's jewel. He quickly returned home rejoicing. He told his mother and his mother responded with these type of words, "And you would not have found it if you had not been doing your duty."

Go out, continue to do as you have been, and keep your chin up.

The hardest times in life is when we want something and we want it "yesterday", but today we still don't have it. The Lord's timetable is most important, especially when choosing a companion.

As the Lord told me once, "Be watchful, be prayerful, and be happy." When you are hurting inside, keep yourself busy, put your shoulder to the wheel, and when you meet someone, smile. It is amazing how disarming a sincere smile is when we meet people.

I would say, baking the cookies and going to the baptism is just the activity you require. It will help remind you of the blessings you recently received. Think upon that time, the moment the Lord witnessed the truth, the spirit you felt and let it take full sway of your gentle heart.

Peace.

NightSG · #7 (**permalink**) 08-18-2012, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ldswithgreeneyes

Why go and be reminded that no man wants me and likely never will?

Why do you think this? Somewhere out there is a guy that's looking for you. Speaking as a 36 year old divorced man who converted during the divorce, I can say for sure that it's just as hard for guys to remember to keep looking until you find the right one, no matter how slim the pickings may seem.

That said, no matter how hard it is to find even one, don't fall into the trap of just grabbing the first one that comes along. Stick to the old advice of not taking a mate you think you can live with, but only one you don't want to think about living without. I wish I had done that.

Leah · #8 (**permalink**) 08-19-2012, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ldswithgreeneyes

I am having a bad day..well, actually a bad week..and am trying to feel better. I will get to the point. I am 38, mother of two wonferful girls and I am lonely. I have been divorced for four years and it is heartbreaking living in a coupled world.
I go to church every week and tears fill my eyes. Why? Because I see how much my ward's husbands love their wives and I am alone. I try to stay positive and participate and stre ngthen my testimony ..but today for example..there is a baptism in a few hours. I promised to make cookies and so I am going to show up for it..but you know what? I really don't want to go. Yes, I'm thrilled for the new member but why go and feel awful? Why go and be reminded that no man wants me and likely never will?
Don't get me wrong. I love the Church. I love my faith. I would rather have it than not. I just don't know what to do...

Why in the world would going to a baptism "remind" you that you are currently single.? (Sorry, I am not going to join you in the pity party that the words you used paint). A baptism is a joyous occasion and the focus should be on the person being baptised and whether you are single or not has nothing to do with anything.

You will only feel "awful" if you choose to make a baptism into an occasion to feel sorry for yourself. It's not about you.

ldswithgreeneyes · #9 (**permalink**) 08-19-2012, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah

Why in the world would going to a baptism "remind" you that you are currently single.? (Sorry, I am not going to join you in the pity party that the words you used paint). A baptism is a joyous occasion and the focus should be on the person being baptised and whether you are single or not has nothing to do with anything.

You will only feel "awful" if you choose to make a baptism into an occasion to feel sorry for yourself. It's not about you.

It could have been any church event really. It just happened to be a baptism. Thank you so much for your sage advice. I know precisely where to file it.

ldswithgreeneyes · #10 (**permalink**) 08-19-2012, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NightSG

Why do you think this? Somewhere out there is a guy that's looking for you. Speaking as a 36 year old divorced man who converted during the divorce, I can say for sure that it's just as hard for guys to remember to keep looking until you find the right one, no matter how slim the pickings may seem.

That said, no matter how hard it is to find even one, don't fall into the trap of just grabbing the first one that comes along. Stick to the old advice of not taking a mate you think you can live with, but only one you don't want to think about living without. I wish I had done that.

Honestly, I think it is easier for men. I do. I feel women are more apt to feel open to dating a single man than the other way around.
I can see where you are coming from on hooking up with the first guy that comes along. I am very, very careful as to who I bring into my children's lives..so that is not an issue.