Money Matters in Marriage

[sunshinewai]

O.k I have searched this site but to no avail so I am going to just throw this out there. What is the deal with Money in Marriage. My Husband earns a fulltime wage and is the breadwinner in our Marriage. We have no children so when I am home I take pride in do our housework. I cook for my Husband and love to tend after him and our house and financial affairs. This is where it gets tricky. He doesn't seem to 'like' to pay the rent. He does though but always grudging. I work split shifts on a casual Telemarketing job and can earn abit if I get the hours. I like to plan for the future and am very frugal,. I would like to purchase a house someday but he has no intentions to do so as he thinks he will still be alive when the saviour comes. How should we deal with our money so its fair? When he gets his wages he will moan about having to pay the rent and when i get money he expects me to splash out and buy food or gifts for him?.. does anyone have any tips please?

[Vort]

I don't understand. What is the alternative to paying rent? Living in a tent?

[Anddenex]

I definitely can understand the moaning and groaning of paying rent. I really don't like paying rent either, however I don't mind paying my mortgage although I wish it was already paid for.

Paying rent is putting money into someone else's pocket with no long term benefits, unless of course you still live in the same home for a very long time...until dead.

Yet, I would rather own even if the Savior's return is in my life. I wouldn't be surprised if his return is in our lives, however there are a lot of prophecies which still need to be fulfilled before he returns, and thus he may not return in our lives. Thus if not buying a house due to the Lord's coming and he doesn't come...wasted opportunity. Even if he does, wasted opportunity. Much better to own then pay rent. My opinion.

Living in a tent is definitely an option, you will just have to pay campground fees unless you camp where there are no fees. I have a friend who brother and sister-in-law lived in a tent because they liked the outdoors. However, living in a tent isn't for everyone.

His desire to not pay for a mortgage reminds me of a talk I once read from Elder Packer, may have been Elder Ballard, been a long time since I read the talk on my mission. He mentioned the importance of unpacking our luggage when we move apartments. He mentioned missionaries would be happier if they unpacked. I found this to be true from experiencing missionaries who unpacked and missionaries who didn't.

I have no suggestions regarding wages and how they should be fairly spent. That is something each married couple must determine themselves.

Best wishes.

[Vort]

My question is serious. He doesn't want to buy a house and he doesn't want to pay rent, so therefore he wants to...what? Live with his parents? Live with YOUR parents? Live in a tent? I am not understanding what he wants to do.

And, just between us, I think the idea that "I don't want to buy a home because the Second Coming might negate its value" is almost unspeakably silly.

But to try to answer your question without understanding the basis of the rent/buy thing: My wife and I do not maintain separate accounts. We are married, and we consider our finances to be one single pool. There is no "mine" and "hers", just "ours". Overall, this works very well for us. We don't have much discretionary income, so we're careful about what we buy. My job is to make the money, and for the most part, her job is to spend it. Works well for us. I think most of the people we know follow a similar philosophy, though I'm not sure of that.

[Windseeker]

Your husband sounds hilarious, I'd like to have a root beer with him some time.

But seriously he needs to grow up a little.

[Dravin]

Originally Posted by sunshinewai

How should we deal with our money so its fair?

In a way that is mutually satisfactory to mature individuals. Really, not knowing you, or even the particulars of your circumstances there isn't much to tell you. I'm not even sure I understand where you and your husband are at odds, beyond the buying a house thing and that's not really a general managing money issue but something else.

When he gets his wages he will moan about having to pay the rent and when i get money he expects me to splash out and buy food or gifts for him?.. does anyone have any tips please?

Based on the extremely small amount of information I'd say, rightly or wrongly, he feels like he's not getting enough fun money. Not sure if that's a in comparison to what you get, or just he feels he doesn't get to play enough but it's all going to bills. If he's a spender and you are frugal he may feel that scrimping to save the cost of a dinner out or movie is a soul crushing existence. Frugal people feel good about having money in the bank as back-up or for a specific purpose, spenders feel good when they get to buy stuff with their money. If you are a saver and he is a spender then I could see some friction.

[Iggy]

Husband earned way more money than I ever could. Fortunately his attitude is: It is ALL our money. When I worked, my wages went into the same account as his wages.

He paid the credit card debt he had accrued prior to our marriage, after I had paid all of the bills. Gotta love ePay, AutoPay via online banking.

Before either one of us spent over $100.00 in one shopping trip, we talked about it. For me, that was monthly grocery shopping. I made a list - showed it to him along with an estimated $ amount that would be spent.

When he purchased Day Trading stuff, he would make sure that it wouldn't break the bank- he had $XX amount of money set aside just for that, independent of our joint money. This was set up prior to our marriage and as far as I am concerned that is his and only his. Just like my books, and mother's dishes are mine and only mine.

The only time he spent joint money and did not discuss it before hand with me, was for a diet scheme. He got ripped off to the tune of $3,000.00. I got mad- then I got over it.

I have overspent on items for the house. Wants rather than needs. Put us in the red - and he had to cash out some of his Day Trading money to cover the NSF charges and put money into the account until the pension check came.

We have now been retired - jointly - for 2 years. I know just how much of our retirement money can go to groceries. I also know when and when not to purchase extras to replenish our storage.

He also knows that we have to talk together when he wants to purchase 'big ticket' items.
The latest 'big ticket' item is me. I am getting my teeth totally overhauled. Uppers extracted replaced with dentures. Lowers worked on and partial plate. He withdrew money from his EdJones account and paid off in full one of our two credit cards. We are using that credit card to pay for my dental.

After June he will have an implant done. Just one fortunately ~ then his dental will be done.

My first husband was the play first and ignore the bills type of guy. After years of being yelled at when the past due notices came, I realized that I had better take control of the checking account. I was working full time, as was he - but I had my own account. He could not sign on my account. I took 2/3 the money for bills out of his (actually joint) account and 1/3 out of my account and paid the bills. My clothes and make up came out of my wages. Everything else came out of the joint account.

I much prefer second husband and his way of sharing the bill paying process.

[Just_A_Guy]

Money problems, if unresolved, will end the marriage eventually. It's only a matter of time. Your problem ends in one of three ways:

1) You go to counseling, get on the same page about finances, learn to manage your money together, and go on to have a great marriage and live happily ever after.
2) You are young, childless, divorced, and relatively independent financially.
3) You are old, have kids, divorced, and saddled with tens of thousands of dollars' worth of debt incurred by him.

Fix it.

[NightSG]

Originally Posted by sunshinewai

He doesn't seem to 'like' to pay the rent.

Uh...I don't like to pay the rent either, but it beats living in my car.

[MorningStar]

Does he think you shouldn't put money in retirement either because the second coming is going to happen soon? How far is he taking this?