Husband does Illegal graffiti

[alison_143]

I need help to know how to deal with my husband who does graffiti. Not little things, BIG things. Tonight he got back at 2:00 am after painting 7' tags in two very prominent spots right on the interstate. If I were to call the cops, he would be charged with a felony. He says he does it for the want of fame and street credit. That statement doesn't seem to alarm him at all.

This has been a problem for him for a long time, and he almost couldn't go on his mission because he got busted. He quit for almost 5 years, then something triggered him to start back up again about 2 years ago.

I try not to make a big deal about it because he goes through long stretches of not doing anything major, but when he breaks, he binges. He understands it's illegal, and that he could go to jail, he just doesn't seem to think that is actually going to happen because he's supposedly smarter than the cops and knows what to watch out for. He acts exactly as if this is an addiction, but he refuses to see it that way.

I'm tired of worrying about if he'll be coming home or if he's in jail. He honestly doesn't think what he's doing is that bad. We are active members of our Ward and we have an 18 month old son to take care of so I'm not the only one his actions affect. Any suggestions?

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

What gang is he in?

[Irishcolleen]

If it's not a gang issue perhaps you could persuade him to paint murals for pay. Maybe get him to paint on canvas and enter art shows. Perhaps recognition as an artist would be more rewarding as "street cred."

[alison_143]

He's not part of a gang. Just an artist. He has done murals and canvas work but says it's not the same. It's the rush of doing something illegal and getting away with it that keeps him doing it.

[annewandering]

Sounds like an adrenalin junkie. Does your bishop know about this? Does he see a counselor?

[alison_143]

When I bring up talking to the bishop about it, he sluffs it off. I think he knows he would be told to stop. I want him to talk to someone with authority, be it the bishop or a counselor, but how do you get someone to go that doesn't want to?

[selek]

Originally Posted by alison_143

He's not part of a gang. Just an artist.

Horse manure. You need to face facts, not draw pretty pictures around the truth.


He's a tagger.

Artists- real, genuine, legitimate artists- create lasting beauty.

Your man-child defaces other people's property for the thrill of it.



Whether he calls it "art" or not, your husband is committing a crime.

That's a lesson, a habit, and a mindset he will pass on to your child.

It's the rush of doing something illegal and getting away with it that keeps him doing it.

This is very likely the only truth in his claims.

Now- imagine your son or daughter saying the same thing when they get caught.

Does it still sound okay to you?



When he gets caught- and he will- it will affect his ability to provide for your child.

At the very least, a criminal record will make it harder for him to find and keep good and stable employment.

It will affect his credit, making it difficult for him to afford decent housing, school loans, and other needs your child will develop over the coming years.



You think the worry is bad now?


Wait until you have to pay the bills without him because he's in jail.


Wait until you have to take your son or daughter through three levels of lockdown to see Daddy in his orange jump suit during Visiting Hours.

Does that sound like fun to you?



Or is it time to stage an intervention?

[annewandering]

What exactly does he paint on the walls? Have you seen it?
Selek, I just did a google search on graffiti being gang related. It turns out that most graffiti is not gang related although there is much that is. Many consider it a valid art form despite it being illegal. Much of it is social commentary. There is also the factor of fame and recognition of other graffiti taggers.
The problem I see here is not the art. It is the fact that he prefers it BECAUSE it is illegal. One question I do have about that is it the being illegal or is it because he is well known and 'respected' in it by his fellow taggers? That is really something that a counselor needs to get into with him.

[alison_143]

Originally Posted by annewandering

What exactly does he paint on the walls? Have you seen it?

Many consider it a valid art form despite it being illegal.

There is also the factor of fame and recognition of other graffiti taggers.

One question I do have about that is it the being illegal or is it because he is well known and 'respected' in it by his fellow taggers?

That is really something that a counselor needs to get into with him.

My husband is honest with me and tells me where and what he paints. It's always just his graffiti name in these elaborate multi colored designs. To him is IS art. It's not "ugly" and thoughtless for him. That's what blurs the fact that it's illegal. It's his hobby. He is known my other artists around who contact him and congratulate him on his work so he has a taste of the fame he wants from the people he wants it from.

How do I involve a counselor or stage an intervention?

[alison_143]

Originally Posted by selek

Whether he calls it "art" or not, your husband is committing a crime.

That's a lesson, a habit, and a mindset he will pass on to your child.

When he gets caught- and he will- it will affect his ability to provide for your child.

At the very least, a criminal record will make it harder for him to find and keep good and stable employment.

I've tried talking to him about all of this. He doesn't consider it a likely possibility. As absurd as that is to you and me, that's how he sees it. I don't disagree with anything you said, but cornering him and scolding him does not help. That's why I need to figure out a different way of handling this.