Badly Behaved Children and Friendships

[MorningStar]

Let's say a couple in your ward invites your family over. They are a nice couple and they need friends, but their kids are really badly behaved and you don't want your kids to learn those behaviors from them.

How do you handle it?

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

I've learned that my kids are, when given some guidance and boundaries, able to tell the difference between good behavior and bad behavior. I also know that not all kids are like that, and it's often something the parents really don't have any control over.

So, depending on the level your kids are on, you can either put them in that situation, or not.

LM

[Truegrits]

Would your children just be exposed to them, and their behavior, when you are also there...or would you be letting them stay, and play, for extended periods? Your children may be old enough to understand that the way others are allowed to act/behave is NOT how you want them to behave.

I baby-sit for my whole family, daily, (from 2 through 8 years old) and I tell them that they may act/do (whatever it is) in their home, but at my house they do not do that. Even the two year old knows what she cannot do in "Grammy's" house. Kids are pretty smart. Now, if they think you will let them get away with it, they might just test you...

[utcowboy]

I agree with Truegrits, Kistakaye and I babysit for the neighbors quite a bit and when their kids first started coming over... oh man!!! were they brats!!!! the parents knew their kids were, shall we say, a little out of hand, and were sorry about it, but "didn't know what to do" When they are at our house they know and understand they rules. We ask nicely for things, say please and thank you always... put our toys away before starting a new project or game, etc. The kids pick up quickly that we won't put up with the grunts and whining, if the want to be nice then we are nice, if they want to act like spoiled little brats, then they get treated as such. whether its just ignoring them or actually having to put them in time out.
Clarification; When I say ignoring them, we will not talk to them until they correct their behavior, or if its a younger child, we will repeat what they are suppose to say until they at least try saying it back to us.
My family jokes that if their kids are misbehaving that they will send them to our house to get straightened out. Its funny most of the time but they also understand that we will not put up with their crap.... and in my opinion, most of their crap is caused by the parents anyways.... because the parent doesn't want to stand up to the kid and make them behave!!!
So now it your turn.... fire away.....

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

I like the analogy of the fishbowl. You stick a fish in a new bowl, the first thing they do is see how far they can go. They don't stop until they hit the glass wall, and they continue to bump into it a little, then they give up and just swim in their bowl.

So, when a kid sees another kid doing something wrong, the first kid might be tempted to see if they can get away with it too. So they give it a try to see what happens. Parents that don't do anything about it, end up with a kid with a new habit. Parents that provide immediate feedback that something is unacceptable have provided the wall of a fishbowl.

LM

[MorningStar]

We had a situation where my mom was concerned about my kids being negatively influenced by these kids (we all went there for dinner), but I think my kids thought they were insane and I don't get the impression that they are wanting to try any of those behaviors, but I wouldn't want them to spend time over there alone, more for fear that they would get injured by one of their kids. It was good to talk afterwards and tell them that we don't ever want to see them acting like that and those kids do that because they've had some pretty bad experiences and are acting out.

Sometimes people will invite my kids over because they want my kids to be a good influence on their kids, but without my presence, I worry that the opposite will happen or that it will just be a miserable experience for them.

[Truegrits]

MorningStar...

but I wouldn't want them to spend time over there alone, more for fear that they would get injured by one of their kids.

I know exactly what you mean; I would not let my son be alone with a particular friend, either. I was seriously afraid of physical harm being done to him. But I could not verbalize that to him, so I just chose to always be around when they were together.

[MorningStar]

I hate that. It's awkward telling someone that their kid can come over but your kid can't go over there.

[mightynancy]

Correcting other people's kids is a touchy thing. If you want to nurture this friendship, I would get together at the park where the kids are free to be hooligans without bothering you too much. If you care to help the kids learn to behave, I'd start with a playdate rather than supper. A playdate seems like a better place to intervene with the "At our house, we..." sort of corrections.

[utcowboy]

Honesty is hard sometimes but sometimes they or we need to hear it