Need help with sensitive topic - Page 3

krdavis918 · #21 (**permalink**) 10-17-2008, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fish4kitty

I'm raising two boys and two girls. I've seen all of them do something that will make you scratch your head. A gentle but firm NOCK IT OFF! might help. Yes it's normal and yes it's annoying. Kids are kids and if they are reminded enough it should stop.

thank you - I think this is probably the most helpful post so far. I think I mostly wanted some reassurance that I wasn't crazy. I *know* he hasn't been exposed to something he shouldn't have been and it's nice to know that there are parents who've seen strange things from their kids before. Thank you thank you!

Alana · #22 (**permalink**) 11-20-2008, 09:43 PM

My son does that sometimes, and I do believe it's just because it feels good. He didn't see anything, he's not acting out, etc. I say 'Cut it out.' And that's it. When he starts poking his sister (one and half years old and loves to be naked... and freeeee!) I talk a little bit about 'respecting your body and other peoples bodies.'

WHen I tell him to knock it out when he touches himself he knows that he just needs to be respectful to his body and him touching it like that isn't respectful. I don't explain why (he's 4) and get elaborate or overly concerned... it's just the way it is. If you have an itch, itch it, then leave it at that. Sometimes in the bath, he'll be looking at it his body, and that's fine, but when he's purposely rubbing, he knows that's not being respectful and that he's expected not to. Sometimes I need to remind him, but he doesn't do it much anymore.

DeborahC · #23 (**permalink**) 11-20-2008, 09:46 PM

"Being respectful" is a good way to put it. I like that.
By the way, yu're the THIRD Alana I've known.
It's a great name!

jolee65 · #24 (**permalink**) 11-28-2008, 11:20 AM

You need to calmy redirect him to a activity. How he got that visual is a mistery

tanuvasamama · #25 (**permalink**) 02-05-2009, 01:56 PM

From working in a preschool with children ages 3 1/2 to 5 I can say that this is a bit common. I will be doing story time and will notice some kids touching themselves and sometimes they don't even really realize they are doing it. I quiety tell them to fold their arms please, or just give them a look (not mean) and they stop. I have seen a few kids go as far a humping a blanket during nap time...those ones take a bit more re-direction. Eventually they do stop it at school, but I don't know if it continues at home.

Janice · #26 (**permalink**) 02-13-2009, 11:31 AM

It looks like I am a late-comer to this thread. I've read it with interest and I've enjoyed the wide variety of responses. For what it's worth, I'll add my $00.02.

I think the fact that he is doing this in front of you is a good sign.... he doesn't seem to think it's naughty. It's my opinion that perhaps the worst thing you can do for him is to somehow cast shame or guilt on him for doing this. I *do not* think a "KNOCK IT OFF" is the right approach. All this will do is make him think "Knock WHAT off? What was I doing wrong?" If he gets the sense that this behavior makes mommy mad, or is somehow naughty, then he'll just keep doing it when you are not looking.

As others have said... talk to him. Don't talk down to him. Use the real words. "Penis" and not "pee pee". Explain to him that if his penis itches, he should go to the bathroom and wash it. Explain also that if he's doing this because it feels good, that he needs to be careful because these parts of our bodies are special, and we need to take care to treat them with respect. I would avoid any words that might have a negative connotation, such as "private". Kids hear things differently then we do... to them, "private" means embarrassment or naughty. (I cringe when I hear parents refer to genitals as "private parts".) And stay right away from words like dirty, gross, naughty, etc. Focus instead on uplifting words: special, respect, etc.

As you talk, use the same tone of voice you would use in discussing a topic like what's for dinner, or what book should we read. If you whisper or lower your voice or in any way act like his behavior is deviant, he will pick up on this and begin to form very negative, demeaning, and damaging ideas about his genitals.

If you choose to ask the doctor about it, be prepared for him/her to roll their eyes and tell you to stop worrying.

Bottom line: It's not something to worry too much about, and yeah, it's pretty normal. But it should be addressed. The key is to not react in a way that he will perceive as negative.

In case you are still reading, hope that helps.

Janice