Need help with sensitive topic

[krdavis918]

Hi folks - this is my first post and it's a doozy. I need some advice on what to do with my 5 year old son. He frequently balls up a blanket and appears to be "humping" it. Everything I've tried to find on the internet says this is normal behavior. What are your thoughts? I've calmly told him that he needs to stop and asked him why he's doing it. He gives me various answers such as his knees itch (???!!) and other things that just really don't make sense why he'd be doing this. I need an LDS parents perspective on this type of thing. The rest of the world thinks that masterbation is normal....I don't. Any thoughts??

[Hemidakota]

Welcome to the forum and in seeking council.

It is not a normal behavior. You need to see what is causing this situation. Being five years old, there is a problem that needs to corrected and controlled before he reaches his teen age years.

[siouxz72]

Welcome to the Forum.

I'm not sure that I agree with Hemi in saying this is not "normal" behavior. He's probably doing it because it feels good. And being 5, if it feels good then he's going to do it. I think you're doing the right thing in telling him he needs to stop when you see him start to do it. You can also start to teach him about what we need to do to respect our bodies and how HF wants us to treat ourselves. Whatever you do, please don't tell him that what he's doing is bad or naughty. Teach him the behavior you want to see without making him feel bad for the behavior he is doing.

good luck

[Gwen]

i don't actually believe it's masturbation. i think masturbation is when you know it's sexual, it's more than a genital event.

what he is doing is no different than a child that touches themselves a lot. they are discovering the different sensations of the body. an infant chews their fingers and toes if they can get at them. they learn that biting their tongue hurts, they discover feet are ticklish, so are ribs and knees.... other parts have a more unique sensation with them. self discovery of how this new body works is normal.

i have a son that i have to watch close cause he is constantly touching himself. he will do it anywhere, he does it when he's falling asleep, to calm himself when he's upset.... it's been difficult to discourage it without drawing to much attention (positive or negative) to it. we are making a lot of progress and i think we'll be fine when he starts school (will have curbed the habit, in public anyway lol).

all that being said, what your son is doing would bother me. where did he learn to dry hump? does your dog do it and he's mimicking the dog? does he have older brothers that he's caught masturbating and he's repeating the excuses they have given him? does he go to daycare or school, did he learn it there? i don't think dry humping is normal... touching is. what he is doing is a much more sexual thing in my opinion, not "just exploration". not trying to alarm you, just my thoughts on it.

welcome to the forum

[mightynancy]

I disagree with those who say it's not normal - would you prefer the term typical? It's very typical or common among kids that age. I don't think it's sexual at this age; it just feels good. You can teach them not to do it without making them feel bad or shameful. Unless you have other concerns, I wouldn't jump to a conclusion that he's seen inappropriate things. Just redirect the behavior when you see it, and at a neutral time, let him know how we're supposed to treat our bodies.

[Truegrits]

I see what Gwen is saying, though. Yes, it is natural/typical for them to touch/feel/rub...but the actual "humping" action, to me, seems to indicate that he has seen/observed that. In person, on television...whatever. The only child I have had that experience with, it was found that even though the parents thought the child was asleep, the child actually watched them during their love-making.

[krdavis918]

Originally Posted by Truegrits

I see what Gwen is saying, though. Yes, it is natural/typical for them to touch/feel/rub...but the actual "humping" action, to me, seems to indicate that he has seen/observed that. In person, on television...whatever. The only child I have had that experience with, it was found that even though the parents thought the child was asleep, the child actually watched them during their love-making.

We don't watch television at our house, so I can't imagine that he's seen anything like that there. We don't even watch movies very often and if we do, it's either Disney or Elmo. Our door is closed and locked anytime we're having some Mommy/Daddy time.

[Hemidakota]

Friends? Magazines? Pets?

[Misshalfway]

If I were you, I would be concerned too. From my very limited experience, it makes me wonder if he learned it somewhere too, but I weigh that with my feelings that children do investigate their bodies and this could be so very typical. (I like that word)

But having said that, I think it is the responsible thing to eliminate more alarming possibilities.

Does he play where there are older children who may be playing inappropriate games or is there a chance he could have been exposed to some form of abuse?

Someone or something usually turns the sexual light on in these early ages. I don't know. If I were you, I would follow my gut and the Spirit to know if there is anything at all to be alarmed about. Most likely it isn't anything, and he is just discovering.

[krdavis918]

Originally Posted by Hemidakota

Friends? Magazines? Pets?

Nope. He only has 1 playmate who is 3 years old other than his 2 year old sister. We have a Nanny that comes to our house to watch him while I'm at work. She's 20 years old and has been watching him since he was 6 weeks old. We don't subscribe to magazines (other than scrapbooking or Ensign/Friend). Our Dog is so old (and neutered) that he doesn't move around much at all (which is how I got a picture of him with a pompom on his head). I do not think this is sexual in any way - more just typical (I like that too)/feels good to him. I just want advice on how to get him to stop doing it without making him ashamed.