Infertility

[skalenfehl]

Originally Posted by mightynancy

Ska gives good advice.

You may need to simply ask your husband for what you need. Most husbands really want to support their wives and give them what they want and need. They don't always know what that is, though, so we need to ask. I was devastated after each miscarriage - DH wasn't as hurt. I had to share how I was feeling, and tell him specifially how he could help me. He was eager to help once he knew.

Amen. Half the time, my wife didn't even know what she wanted or needed in order to feel better. But I knew that she wanted to be loved, reassured and understood. All we guys can do is be as sensitive as possible to our sweethearts' needs.

Kyra, broken hearts heal and only with time. You will be fine and much stronger for it. Looking back you'll be amazed at the experience and what you've learned.

[Kyra]

Thank you all again. I've tried telling my husband that I wish he would just open up to me about it, and he didt a couple times when we were trying for our second daughter, but this time around he won't for some reason. At times I wonder how much he has wanted another child, but he's wanted another one since Kynati was about a month old! LOL We compromised and started trying when she was one.

We've considered adoption. We had the papers all filled out and ready to go before I got pregnant with Kynati, but something kept holding me back from sending them in. Shortly after that we found out I was pregnant. We've always known that we want to adopt, but we want older children and the time just isn't right for us. Actually, in Utah you have to be at least 20 years older than the child you're adoptiong, so the oldest we could get is a 5 year old. I already have one of those right now, I don't think I could handle another one. LOL

[Kyra]

Originally Posted by AELK

I am sure that you have explored options... I mean to figure out the real issue. Often we consider it is our bodies that are not functioning properly, when in fact it is something about the sperm count, or the fluids that are not allowing sperm to survive. Sometimes, and I don't know how you feel about this, IVF is needed, because the egg and sperm will not or cannot meet naturally.

I don't know where you live but if you live on a coast there are some wonderful clinics that have speciality procedures... I have heard of one in Virgina, and there are many here in the pacific northwest.

I found when I had pregnancy issues, that reading all about it and trying to resolve and work through it in my own mind, helped a lot. Perhaps that is something you can do.

Angie

I live in Utah, and there are plenty of places that could help me temporarily. I actually made an appointment with an infertility specialist at the University of Utah last month, but it didn't feel right so I cancelled it. After praying about things I realized that I need to try something more natural this time around to try and heal my body instead of a temporary fix. Because of some things that have happened to my sister over the last year, I've learned that a lot of times those medicines that are meant to help us end up making things even worse. So at least for the next year we're going to try things naturally.

[hordak]

Have you considered the possibility you aren't supposed to have more children(biological)?
It isn't something most women want to think about especially those in the church.
I recall being taught as a youth that i picked my family in the pre existence(should have picked the Rockafellers)
I'll be the first to admit i don't know if this is official church doctrine but the priesthood talks to the youth about being chosen to be born in this time and place seems to indicate God would have much more say in the matter then we like to give him credit for. Because we all have different needs and abilities,not everyone will be tall enough to be in the NBA,Smart enough to get a Nobel prize,fast enough to win the gold, or fertile enough to have six kids .

I had 2 kids when i didn't want them but needed them
Couldn't when we wanted another, but didn't need one
And conceived our 3rd when we were ready.

IMO we have less say in the matter then we think we do and need to understand it's not all in our hands.

Guess it depends if you believe children are a result of free will, or Gods will.

[Kyra]

Originally Posted by hordak

Have you considered the possibility you aren't supposed to have more children(biological)?

It's definitely something I've thought about. In fact, right after I had my second daughter I was convinced we were done, but that ended up just being the post-partum depression. When I was finally feeling more like myself I realized that we were definitely not finished having kids yet. Then when my daughter was 6 months old my nephew was born and the feeling came even stronger that we're not finished. I'm sure there are more waiting for me, it's just up to Heavenly Father when they're supposed to come.

[MormonMama]

I'm sorry you are going through this Kyra. My husband and I have been trying for almost 3 years with no success. I have three daughters from before my marriage, but DH has no children of his own and my children were all older when we married. We had hoped to have at least one or two together, but now that we're in our mid 30's that's looking less and less likely. The costs of adoption are just too prohibitive for us right now. We've prayed and prayed about it and just both feel strongly that we aren't meant to give up trying, though we've had no confirmation that we will be successful either. I'm not really sure what that all means at this point.

Good luck. I wish I had some sage advice for you, but I don't. All I can do is co-comiserate.

[Maureen]

...Why, when I want children so badly, is Heavenly Father making it so hard for me?...

Hey Kyra, you know I don't think God is making it hard. I think it's just part of being human when things don't go according to plans. As you can see from the other replies others have faced this same problem, myself included. I was eventually fortunate and was able to have 2 children with very simple medical help. I think through it all, it was a learning experience for sure and it has made me really appreciate my kids. You are still very young, so don't lose hope, you still have time.

[ZionWoman]

Hey Kyra.

So sorry you are having this trouble. Why does God do what he does? I don't know, but like Nephi, I know he loves us. Don't let this consume you. You have two little girls who love you and need you. Be wan they need you to be and help your husband and let him help you. Lift each other. q2 (there, my son has made his contribution to you too )

[Berean]

When we got married neither of us wanted children. Then I changed my mind and eventually he did. Reluctantly at first but now I think he is more enthusiastic. Due to my own health problems I cannot bear my own children...which is actually ok for me considering the whole pregnancy/childbirth thing...

We would like to adopt but are...non traditional. How many LDS men have beards and long hair and how many LDS couples love punk music and are morally conservative but socially ultra-leftists??
We believe the Church is true but *really* are not into the culture. So who would want us raising their baby???
Any child of ours may be poor but will think for him/her self and get a good education. We do not wish to change to get a baby except for the better and asking my husband to shave or get a haircut is like asking the sky not to be up.
I know we need more money even though people whimsically tell us "it will happen" which may be true to an extent but I would really like to be prepared.
I do not wish to hijack this thread but I am also saying you are not alone...although advice would be helpful. The descriptions I saw on LDS Family Services of couples trying to adopt were sweet, but, and I apologize, very smarmy. We are not smarmy people. We are however creative and have good values, in our opinion, such as honesty, hard work, looyalty and of course love for our Savior. But we are poor and weird...and proud of it.

[MormonMama]

Originally Posted by Berean

How many LDS men have beards and long hair and how many LDS couples love punk music and are morally conservative but socially ultra-leftists??

Our home (who is in his 30's) teacher shaves his head and has a long, straight, narrow beard. No mustache, just this long beard. He's one of the most well-known and well-loved members of our ward.

One guy is a biker in his 50's who wears spurs on his boots to church. Everyone absolutely loves to hear him bear his testimony. He is so friendly and just fun to listen to.

Several ladies have tattoos, and they are still leaders in YW and RS.

So don't let your "alternative lifestyle" be an obstacle. Yes, some folks might judge you on it, but that is their issue to deal with. Don't let them make it yours. What's more important is that you live the Gospel, and from your description it sounds like you are doing that quite well.

And LDS Family Services is not the only place, or even necessarily the cheapest place, to adopt from. A friend of mine specifically did NOT go through them for two reasons: 1)She knew all the children placed through them would go to LDS families, and she wanted to adopt a child who would not necessarily have that chance, and 2)Our state agency was cheaper. Thousands of dollars cheaper. In fact, they ended up getting reimbursed through the state for almost every cost.

Something to think about.