Should we take away our 19-year-old's phone and car?

[Misshalfway]

Originally Posted by Solsalia

Just read your update, so reposting

Please if you can for your youngers do more family times, create memories. Be happy at home. Allow only uplifting things to be in your home, including TV. If your watching something that invites the spirit or satan in your home. My dad, love the man, good LDS man, but cannot get rid of the Sci Fi addiction. He spends a lot of time on the computer instead of with the grandkids and us when we visit. We finally got rid of the tv, missed it at first but glad it's gone. Other things will occupy your time, take you away from your kids.

I think the most important thing you can do is make memories with them. Make sure to laugh a lot and notice the small things. The video games are going to tear them away. They are a waste of time and don't involve family in it.

While I absolutely agree with the above post and the importance of creating trusting/bonding relationships with family and parents, I don't know if this is the only safe guard for helping kids stay obedient. In fact, I know of a situation that couldn't have created more warm family memories and scrapbook photo ops and yet still there was immorality in the secretive choices of the children.

I wonder if it is also important to teach self control and personal responsibility all along. And I mean sexual self control as well as emotional and otherwise. My parents bailed me out as a teen. If I put my checking account over, they would pay it. I appreciated my parents for helping me when I got into trouble, but it delayed my ability to stand on my own. I think perhaps they should have required me to at least pay it back with interest, or some other such thing. I think they wanted me to know that I could always come to them. Well, sadly I did.

I am now a mother of a few little people and I am seeing them stretch their agency wings and I am sure they will make mistakes. Can't know what that will be yet, but I hope like other parents that it isn't these kinds. It seems though that Satan is going to use sexual immorality against the very best of kids, so I must be ready for the full frontal attack. I hope I know what to do when the time comes.

[Solsalia]

You are also correct, I guess my example is just a beggining.

Also you can't change free choices too. No matter how well you bring them up there will always be their choice eventually.

I too have little ones and it scares me the choices they will probably make. Don't even want to think about it!

[soulman200973]

I agree you make time as a parent for children when they are younger and it pays off later as they raise thier own children(grandchildren). And this next set of statements address the previous postings generally.. But to say that teenagers or young adults will not make choices inspite of religious training is very foolish. They do and will make choices and we as parents can not stop them only love advise and council but eventually.. as my parents would say" you make your bed and you lay in it ..meaning we are responsible for our own choices. Parents may take the resposibility away for a time by paying the cell phone bills or college but eventually when the parents stop or die or the trust fund runs out the buck stops here. This is the natural consequence and can not be stopped by bishops,parents,grandparents and even God himself seldom intervenes with natural events of our lives as this life is still a test for teenagers and young adults no matter how different the world is today.

[mrmarklin]

Originally Posted by mutant

So now our daughter is having sleepovers with her boyfriend in the same bed and claiming their not having sex. The boyfriend is 8 years older and divorced and a convert who had admitted to having sex with about 8 other girls. Now, our question is, should we put up with this.
Thanks!

At 19 why did you give her anything?

She's an adult, and seemingly engaging in adult activities. The idea that her and her sleep over boyfriend are not "doing" it is hopelessly naive.

Pull the goodies, there is nothing to lose, and she shouldn't have had them in the first place.

[annamaureen]

mutant, I definitely think you made the right decision in cutting off your daughter's access to luxuries as well as room and board. I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully she will come to see the error of her ways.

[jammasterjig]

I run one of our family businesses and I love absorbing any kind of training I can... recently I came across the idea that any great manager properly manages conditions.

When I was 19 my dad gave me very clear instructions and set out conditions at the begining of my summer employment in between university semesters... I was to have a determined amount saved to go towards my fall schooling if I wanted the continued support of my parents... if not I would be responsible to pay 100% of my schooling and would need to make other sleeping arrangements! Two weeks before the deadline I was nowhere close to what was required so I went to my parents, took responsibility for my foolish ways, moved out voluntarily, and found a job. I missed the following semester at school but I managed to get a student loan and worked full time through the next two semesters... now during that time I did move in with my girlfriend (which ended horribly) but I always knew I could trust my parents to mean what they say and say what they mean... it was a valuable lesson for me...

I was inactive from the church for a couple years when this happened and it remained that way until I was 23 years old BUT because of numerous prayers and the unconditional love of my parents guiding them to set conditions for my through the guidance of the Spirit I am now 34 years old and have served in the Branch Presidency for the past 7 ½ years, the last 3 ½ as the Branch President... I now have 4 children of my own and know the lessons of long-suffering are just getting started!

Follow the Spirit!

Sean
LearningTheGospel.com

[pam]

Thanks to everyone that has participated. But I am going to close this as the OP was a year ago.