Finally Married, but question re Niece - Page 2

Hemidakota · #11 (**permalink**) 01-15-2009, 11:15 AM

Thanks but I do miss your absent in posting...

SeattleTruthSeeker · #12 (**permalink**) 01-15-2009, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hemidakota

Thanks but I do miss your absent in posting...

I actually am busy with my four blogs, our family blog and now in the process of putting together my first Magazine/Journal Publication. And, on top of that, seeking employment, juggling with family duties and all that wonderful life stuff. lol.... but thank you, will try and post more often here.

Elgama · #13 (**permalink**) 01-16-2009, 01:37 PM

Speaking from experience I think only way you will get a lie- in is getting your wife to take them out for breakfast depending on the weather it could be a picnic. It has taken me over a year to get my husband to understand that whilst he can, I cannot sleep with children bouncing on the bed, talking to me, dog running over me and cat miaowing, no matter how many times I say go and ask Daddy, they still come to me first. It didn't used to be like that when he was working at home there was a time Ellie went to Daddy for everything.

I have now made provisions in the budget for Daddy to take children out Saturday for breakfast and to do chores outside, tommorrow they will be taking black bags to the recycling place and cleaning car and windows, or come summer I will pack them a picnic for the park

-Charley

MarginOfError · #14 (**permalink**) 01-16-2009, 05:02 PM

Welcome to parenthood! You've been given a rather abrupt introduction, it sounds like. I don't know if you've read any parenting books, but it couldn't hurt.

One thing to keep in mind is that kids' minds aren't as practiced at applying abstract concepts like time, or days of the week. Your niece may be coming to wake you up on Saturdays because she doesn't fully understand the difference between Wednesday and Saturday. If you start talking to her on Friday nights that Saturday is a day when your wife is home and on Saturday she should ask your wife to get her food, she might start to make that connection. But you have to talk to her about it every Friday night. It might take a couple months for her to remember, but it'll come.

Also keep in mind that kids thrive on routine. so if your niece is used to getting you up in the morning to get breakfast, she'll do it just because that's the routine she knows. It usually has very little to do with the parents or their parenting styles and more to do with the natural cognitive development of the child. Your niece sounds like a perfectly normal and healthy girl, and at this age, this behavior is a good sign; it means she's developing just as she should.

So, while it may be inconvenient at the moment, you can work to alter her patterns a little, and always remember that what you do now lays the foundation for a wonderful relationship 20 years from now.

talisyn · #15 (**permalink**) 01-31-2009, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alana

It doesn't matter what I'm doing, and it doesnt' matter how available my husband is, the kids always ask me to get their drinks and food. I could be in the bathroom, throwing up, and my husband could be in the kitchen with milk in hand and they'll still ask me. I tell them 'go ask dad, he's just as good at getting you stuff as me' and they get this look like it had never occured to them before. Sometimes if they are tired it has to be ME... so anyways, just saying, don't worry that she asks you. She sees you as the provider. Chances are in 6 months that will change, then change again.

As for your wife, we all have different parenting techniques. My husband and I do things differently. At first it irked me he didn't do the things that I deemed so important. It was like, does the tv need to be on? WHy don't you read to them? Well, he could also say why don't I play video games with them? Why don't I wrestle with them? What's wrong with eating in the living room? WHy can't I just have more fun?

Anyways. If it's a time issue, ask her to help out more. If it's a technique issue, figure out if it's something you want to change or NEED to change. If it's a want, let it go. But for the time issue, uhhh, I'm still working on being 'equally yoked' myself, and a lot of that has to do with myself stressing myself out about what I have to do.

Best of luck.

The bolded part is so true (everything else is too of course lol). For ages the grandkids in the family showed a def preference for Grampa, much to the dismay of Gramma. It's not that she wanted all the attention, all she wanted was a hug or two without promptings. 8 years later the grandkids still give Grampa hugs, but they actually have conversations with Gramma about all sorts of things, which thrills her to no end. Patience with the changing maturity level of children is probably the most important thing to keep in mind.

djsmom07 · #16 (**permalink**) 01-31-2009, 11:15 PM

So this is SeattleTruthSeeker's wife - and I must say I am a little shocked at how he is making me out. Wow

MarginOfError · #17 (**permalink**) 02-01-2009, 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djsmom07

So this is SeattleTruthSeeker's wife - and I must say I am a little shocked at how he is making me out. Wow

Careful here...it always comes across worse in writing than it is intended, and all of us here know it.

But just for kicks...why dont' you give us your side of the story.

Elgama · #18 (**permalink**) 02-01-2009, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djsmom07

So this is SeattleTruthSeeker's wife - and I must say I am a little shocked at how he is making me out. Wow

its good to have a place to sound off when you are annoyed my husband (gabelpa) and I both post on here and agree sometimes a post is just a way of working out an annoyance and getting an opinion when you don't know how to handle it and its preferable to screaming at each other. Personally I have a huge simmering resentment of my husband if I have decided to rest for a morning and I have been bounced on, walked on and miaowed at the whole time and he thinks he has given me a lie-in. An hour later I am more relaxed about it

It maybe not how he see's your normally but how he feels when these incidents happen. I like to post on here because it gives me a male perspective on an issue, SeattleTruthSeeker is new to your family and settling in as a result of the posts he knows its normal something to get used to rather than scream about

-Charley

pam · #19 (**permalink**) 02-01-2009, 12:56 PM

Sounds like something to work out at home instead posting the he said/she said thing on a forum. We do understand there are two sides to every story. However, I don't want the forums to be turned into battle of words about grievances and misunderstandings between spouses.

djsmom07 · #20 (**permalink**) 02-01-2009, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pam

Sounds like something to work out at home instead posting the he said/she said thing on a forum. We do understand there are two sides to every story. However, I don't want the forums to be turned into battle of words about grievances and misunderstandings between spouses.

that's what I was trying to say but guess I didn't very well - just deleted it and will delete my profile as well - sorry didn't mean to offend anyone