When to give 'The Talk'

[RachelleDrew]

My husband and I discussed this not too long ago, about when certain topics were appropriate for their age.

Sex is a toughie, and I hate to be blunt but at ten my husband was already masturbating. Two years later, his parents gave him "the talk" about sexual purity. Twelve was two years too late. This is a kid who grew up in an LDS home and had never seen sex on tv or had heard it discussed in his home. He didn't even know that what he was doing was masturbation because he had so little exposure to sexuality.

Moral of the story? If you don't talk to your kid about sex someone else will. Or they will figure it out on their own. Does either one of those situations sound good?

Every kid will develop at a different pace maturity wise and sexually. Some kids may need to get the birds and the bees talk at six, others perhaps when they are ten. The key (from what I can tell) is to keep a open dialogue and give your kids a reason to trust you with delicate information. Then they can feel comfortable asking you questions, and giving you an idea of where to go from there.

You can be frank with your kids without being nasty. Kids who don't have access to accurate information about sex get themselves in a lot of trouble.

[tanuvasamama]

Sad to say, but in second grade a kid showed me a porno movie she found in her mom's room(not lds).


I really like what Linda and Richard Eyre say about talking to your kids about sex, in their book. If you want to check out basically how they recommend it, go to valuesparenting.com. They are LDS and I really like their approach to most parenting situations.

[hordak]

Originally Posted by Elgama

we get people like that here too - I just needed to explain condoms weren't water bombs to my daughter lol kinda like My parents needed to explain vibrators to my little brother after he had been using one as a rocket. I just think in todays society if its left to late we may lose our precious little ones because of naivety

-Charley

I agree. I'm a little surprised that 9-10 years old is "too late" however.

[Elgama]

Originally Posted by hordak

I agree. I'm a little surprised that 9-10 years old is "too late" however.

I think its best its grown up with as a part of life, but if not then before puberty starts. 11 and 12 year olds are having sex and getting pregnant, that makes 11 too late. I think its better to understand why your body is changing before the change happens. And I know that being armed with information from my parents at an age when I still listened to them and regarded them as all important, was what helped me find the law of chastity very easy to keep, I knew exactly what I was saying no too

I don't know when my daughter will start her period or the ball will start rolling for my son, but my Mum in the 1950s started her periods at 8 and my husband was about 9 when puberty started for him in the 80s, by 9 or 10 for both of them 'the talk' would have come too late. For me it was 15 before I went through puberty on any level, but by that point I doubt my parents would be taken as seriously, and I would have had all the information off my peers, probably without the discussions about why they wished they had waited longer. By 12 for me I think the window of me taking in seriously what my parents had to say on the matter would have been too late

-Charley

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

I think the reason "the talk" is such an uncomfortable topic is because parents are uncomfortable with sex and sexuality in general. As Elgama said, arming yourself with information is the only way to go - and that means spending some time educating yourself before you sit down with your kids. I recomend getting a good grasp of the subject "scientifically" including the biological processes and various organs involved until you're an expert, and then use your LDS (or other faith) grounding to put all that scientific knowledge in the proper perspective. Get comfortable with it yourself, and it's easier to talk about it.

As far as when to tell them, I taught primary a while back and it amazed me how smart those kids were. Kids of 7 or 8 years old CAN understand what you tell them and you can tell it to them like they're adults (a lot of that teenage angst stuff is parents trying to talk to they're kids like they're kids when those "kids" are young adults). If 8 years old is old enough to be responsible for your sins, then it's old enough to understand what those sins are.

Just a thought - how sad is it that we're afraid of telling our children about one of the most sacred and beautiful gifts God has given us (sex), but we're ok with them finding out about death and murder when they're playing "war" at 5?

[talisyn]

OMFLIPPINLEFTFOOT

Something happened today that made me think a bit. I am profoundly grateful for personal revelation, for myself and as head of my family. I just want to express my gratitude. I love my Heavenly Father, my Savior Jesus Christ, and the comfort of the Holy Ghost. I understand now why I needed to get my daughter prepared for the changes coming her way, physical and mental. That being said....

Why on earth would a 9 year old girl possibly need to have her period???????? Why????? WHYWHYWHY???????

I am not taking this very good ><

Oh good grief. Can I have a hug?

[GingerGolden]

Consider yourself hugged...

I think it is easier being a female to have started talking to my children and answering their questions whenever they may have followed my into the bathroom, for whatever reason. I am one who has no shame of my body or its natural processes, so it has been easier to answer their questions as they grow.

Just take your time and go with the flow. They do want and need to know...

Heck, I'm 49, my mother still hasn't told me anything...
We did have the little movie and pamphlet in grade school, thank goodness. But I do think most children already have some idea before then, either the right stuff or the wrong stuff according to where they may find it and as long as we as parents take the foremost active role in explaining different things to them as they grow it is easier for us and much better for the child.

[Elgama]

Originally Posted by talisyn

OMFLIPPINLEFTFOOT

Something happened today that made me think a bit. I am profoundly grateful for personal revelation, for myself and as head of my family. I just want to express my gratitude. I love my Heavenly Father, my Savior Jesus Christ, and the comfort of the Holy Ghost. I understand now why I needed to get my daughter prepared for the changes coming her way, physical and mental. That being said....

Why on earth would a 9 year old girl possibly need to have her period???????? Why????? WHYWHYWHY???????

I am not taking this very good ><

Oh good grief. Can I have a hug?

I am so sorry your poor little girl, I know how blessed I was being nearly 16, there is a book called Are You There God its me Margaret by Judy Blume I can't remember if its LDS friendly but I know it was great at talking about puberty etc we all read it at your daughters age.

She is lucky she has a parent that receives revelation and can guide her through.

-Charley

[tanuvasamama]

Oh my goodness! 9 years old?!? What is the point of that?

hugs to you! wow, I am stunned!

[talisyn]

Originally Posted by tanuvasamama

Oh my goodness! 9 years old?!? What is the point of that?

hugs to you! wow, I am stunned!

Thank you. I was in the denial state for a bit, but now I'm in the angry state and I am currently blaming soybeans and milk with hormones. I think the next state is acceptance...or maybe lots of ice cream. Great, now I'm gonna have to share my pre-pms ice cream fests

You should see her though, she's so cute and confident. Why do kids want to grow up so fast?