When to give 'The Talk'

[its_Chet]

Originally Posted by puf_the_majic_dragon

Ditto.



If YOU have emotional scars because your wife isn't perfect, you seriously need a reality check. Nobody's perfect, everybody makes mistakes and if you can't forgive your wife for hers - or her ex's for theirs - IMO you're going to have a hard time reaching exhaltation.

And yes, the church does and has always made this point with the youth. But the very young do not always do what they're told. And that, my friend, is where the Atonement comes in.

Consider yourself cordially invited to find out what you're talking about first, and criticize me second. You never know when that high horse of yours is going to buck.

You don't know me, you don't know my wife, you don't know our situation. You don't know who's forgiven who for what and when. There's much you don't know.

Spare us the pontificating. If you insist on throwing stones, improve your aim first.

[ruthiechan]

Originally Posted by its_Chet

Consider yourself cordially invited to find out what you're talking about first, and criticize me second. You never know when that high horse of yours is going to buck.

You don't know me, you don't know my wife, you don't know our situation. You don't know who's forgiven who for what and when. There's much you don't know.

Spare us the pontificating. If you insist on throwing stones, improve your aim first.

Your previous comments, that you are upset with Puf's comments over, very much reminded me of the "damaged goods" mentality. You don't see women getting all up in arms over men having masturbated when a teenager, or equating a man who had sex before marriage to a candy store. It's rather hypocritical, and unfair.

I don't know why your wife chose to have sex before marriage. It could be anything from a simple lack of understanding the importance of law of chastity to feeling worthless to a reaction from abuse. Such extreme reasons can cause issues in a marriage. But, the atonement of Jesus Christ can make her a virgin again. Not physically, but in the eyes of the Lord, for anyone who comes unto Christ and repents the Lord remembers them no more.

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

Originally Posted by its_Chet

Consider yourself cordially invited to find out what you're talking about first, and criticize me second. You never know when that high horse of yours is going to buck.

You don't know me, you don't know my wife, you don't know our situation. You don't know who's forgiven who for what and when. There's much you don't know.

Spare us the pontificating. If you insist on throwing stones, improve your aim first.

You're absolutely right, I don't know anything about your situation. But I do know mine. My mother was married (sealed) for less than a year and then divorced before marrying my dad, and they had a good marriage for nearly 30 years before she died in 2002. My mother was also abused physically (and possibly worse - it's hard to get details about these things from my dad and uncle) by her parents. Their temple work has been now done (and accepted). My father was physically and emotionally abusive. Now we have a really good relationship.

I don't know the details of your experience, but the way you described it seemed (to me) to make a woman's virtue out to be more important than her personality, her faithfulness, and that incredible relationship you can have for all eternity together. Yes, virtue is important (worth dieing before sacrificing!) but when it comes to love and eternal marraige it's icing on the cake, not the cake itself. What you wrote sounded backwards to me, but if I just read it wrong - well I'm sure you'll forgive me

Now, I'm going back to some research on your other question on EMP attacks

:edit:
Ruthie seems to be more eloquent (and tactful) than me. Here's to the wonderful women!

[anatess]

Last Saturday, we went to the park to watch the fireworks and we saw a couple of teen-agers smooching infront of us. My 5-year-old exclaimed, "They're having sex.". Okay, that was like a super shock to me. I mean, there were so many people in the park that several groups glanced at us when he said that. On the spur of the moment, I decided to address it, right then and there. So I asked him what he meant by it and he said, "I don't know". And so I told him he must have learned the word from someone to have repeated it. And my 7-year-old chimes in that he said that word but that he told his brother not to say it because it is dirty. Now, that has got to be something my 7-year-old learned somewhere else because we haven't discussed sex in the house yet. So, in the middle of the park, without an ounce of privacy, I told them that sex is about love and that it is not dirty at all. It is something special reserved for married people like mom and dad and that it is so sacred that it is not a word we can just use willy-nilly. We have a house rule that Words are Important and that you have to use a word properly (to avoid them making up words like saying "You're so cupid!" instead of "stupid" and think that magically makes it okay).

So yeah, you'll be surprised at the things your 5-year-old says these days.

One piece of advice... don't even give any indication of any kind that sex is dirty. Sex is not dirty - it is sacred. A lot of marital physical relationships between religious couples are marred by their inhibitions having treated sex as something dirty their entire lives. Maybe it's just the Catholics that do it, I don't know. Just thought I'd put it out there.

[its_Chet]

Originally Posted by ruthiechan

Your previous comments, that you are upset with Puf's comments over, very much reminded me of the "damaged goods" mentality. You don't see women getting all up in arms over men having masturbated when a teenager, or equating a man who had sex before marriage to a candy store. It's rather hypocritical, and unfair.

I don't know why your wife chose to have sex before marriage. It could be anything from a simple lack of understanding the importance of law of chastity to feeling worthless to a reaction from abuse. Such extreme reasons can cause issues in a marriage. But, the atonement of Jesus Christ can make her a virgin again. Not physically, but in the eyes of the Lord, for anyone who comes unto Christ and repents the Lord remembers them no more.

I obviously have not explained the situation adequately. Of course, now I'd rather not, seeing how well it's worked out so far. I hope you'll understand.

I was only trying to express approval and support for something positive that was said, and illustrate the need for that kind of opinion. Not my finest hour, but my point, when correctly understood, is very much a valid one.

I'll leave it at that.

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

Several prophets and general authorities have said that a person should die before sacrificing their virtue (you can see this illustrated in Abraham 1:11 regarding the daughters of Onitah). While there is forgiveness with true repentance, the Lord says to those who don't stray "...thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine."

And Anatess: kudos

[its_Chet]

Originally Posted by puf_the_majic_dragon

You're absolutely right, I don't know anything about your situation. But I do know mine. My mother was married (sealed) for less than a year and then divorced before marrying my dad, and they had a good marriage for nearly 30 years before she died in 2002. My mother was also abused physically (and possibly worse - it's hard to get details about these things from my dad and uncle) by her parents. Their temple work has been now done (and accepted). My father was physically and emotionally abusive. Now we have a really good relationship.

I don't know the details of your experience, but the way you described it seemed (to me) to make a woman's virtue out to be more important than her personality, her faithfulness, and that incredible relationship you can have for all eternity together. Yes, virtue is important (worth dieing before sacrificing!) but when it comes to love and eternal marraige it's icing on the cake, not the cake itself. What you wrote sounded backwards to me, but if I just read it wrong - well I'm sure you'll forgive me

Now, I'm going back to some research on your other question on EMP attacks

:edit:
Ruthie seems to be more eloquent (and tactful) than me. Here's to the wonderful women!

I revised my last post to you four or five times before posting it. I can see now that I should have revised it another four or five times still.

Sorry about that.

Some points just don't come across very well in print, I guess. At least that's my experience. Your last post was absolutely correct, with the points you raised about the value of women. I certainly don't want to sound mysogynistic or bitter without reason, and I can see now how I might have.

Don't take it the wrong way if I don't try again to better explain my situation. I'm dropping this issue, and I think we're all going to be better off as a result.

God bless

[ruthiechan]

Chet, you don't have to explain further, but I hope you see now how it is that you came across.

[its_Chet]

Originally Posted by ruthiechan

Chet, you don't have to explain further, but I hope you see now how it is that you came across.

I don't have to explain any further, but in order to be properly understood it would be necessary.

It's only unnecessary because I'm dropping it.

[talisyn]

I love stargate sg-1 lol


And I think he was joking...maybe...gosh I really don't know O.o