When to give 'The Talk'

[talisyn]

I cannot believe it's been almost 10 years since I held the most beautiful little girl in the world for the first time (I say this knowing full well every baby is the most beautiful baby in the world). It was just a few months ago I looked at my daughter and realized she left the 'child' stage and is well into the pre-adolescent stage of physical development, kind've like a german shepherd puppy, all big feet and ears. I now have the task of giving the talk, and I'm at a loss. There have been a few times when I was all ready to go when my heart just failed. I'm usually fearless, and I've answered questions when they've come up, but how do I get to the part of answering questions she doesn't even know she needs answered?

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

The Gospel Principles chapter on Chastity offers the following advice:

A Note to Parents
This chapter includes some parts that are beyond the maturity of young children. It is best to wait until children are old enough to understand sexual relations and procreation before teaching them these parts of the chapter. Our Church leaders have told us that parents are responsible to teach their children about procreation (the process of conceiving and bearing children). Parents must also teach them the law of chastity.

Parents can begin teaching children to have proper attitudes toward their bodies when children are very young. Talking to children frankly but reverently and using the correct names for the parts and functions of their bodies will help them grow up without unnecessary embarrassment about their bodies.

Children are naturally curious. They want to know how their bodies work. They want to know where babies come from. If parents answer all such questions immediately and clearly so children can understand, children will continue to take their questions to their parents. However, if parents answer questions so that children feel embarrassed, rejected, or dissatisfied, they will probably go to someone else with their questions and perhaps get incorrect ideas and improper attitudes.

It is not wise or necessary, however, to tell children everything at once. Parents need only give them the information they have asked for and can understand. While answering these questions, parents can teach children the importance of respecting their bodies and the bodies of others. Parents should teach children to dress modestly. They should correct the false ideas and vulgar language that children learn from others.

By the time children reach maturity, parents should have frankly discussed procreation with them. Children should understand that these powers are good and were given to us by the Lord. He expects us to use them within the bounds he has given us.

Little children come to earth pure and innocent from Heavenly Father. As parents pray for guidance, the Lord will inspire them to teach children at the right time and in the right way.

[Connie]

There is also a lot of good information in this book:
StrengtheningMarriage.com Online Bookstore
Note in particular chapters 14, 15 and 16.

[ninjormon]

I think it is important for kids these days to know younger whats going on, my five year old niece last week started asking me questions about babys, where they come from, how do they get out of the stomach, etc, shes only five, I think you can/should start answering questions as soon as the kids start asking. If they are asking there is a reason why. I found out it is helpful to start backwards, from baby to pregnancy to conception depending on the childs ability to handle the subject matter. My two year old knows that she came out of my wifes belly and thats as much as she can comprehend right now. I think purposely shielding and being overprotective can hurt a child as much as it can help them. I personally didn't know anything about baby making till I was about 16 or 17 and everything I learned I learned at school, it's more important for girls to know than boys at an early age.

[Elgama]

With everything else as a Latter Day Saint parent go with your gut

I think it needs to come quite early more and more girls are having periods at 8... Mum gave me the talk at 4.5 lol but I actually I think growing up knowing what sex was, gave me a lot of strength as a teen to stay chaste even before I was baptised at 15.

My daughter at 5 has a basic idea about how babies are conceived and that sex should only happen when she is a very big girl and gets married, she knows what a period is and that when she is big she will have one and that its her body getting ready to have a baby, she even knows about condoms as she found them so we just explained Mummy and Daddy use them when we are not ready to have a baby.

I know my instinct with my daughter was right as she is showing early signs of puberty already

-Charley

[Gwen]

i had a stake pres that told me once that by the 8th birthday there should be an open dialog on the subject. my 7 yr old came home not that long ago asking questions about sex due to things he heard from friends at school so we were kinda thrown into it. but i had been thinking a lot about it and knew where i wanted to start and how i wanted to approach it. i'm giving it in relevant pieces. i talked to the other parents of the kids involved and i was the only one not freaking out about the whole thing. think it through very well ahead of time and you will be prepared for anything. then go with it. i'm one that believes you should keep that open dialog with kids on that subject cause i can promise you the world will and i want my voice to be one they consider when making decisions. oh and i am one that believes boys should know about the development of girls and girls about boys. it's sad when you hear of men getting married and don't know exactly what a menstrual cycle is.

[talisyn]

*smacks head with rolled up newspaper*
I cannot believe it hasn't occurred to me to ask for divine help on this matter. I guess the whole thing kind've blindsided me and I'm trying to not think of it. As much as I would like my daughter to stay in her own little Eden a few years more genetics has other ideas.
I've spent the past little while tallying all the things I have told her, and at what age. I'm thinking our family home evening tonight (we have them Mondays and Thursdays depending on my work schedule) will be devoted to eternal ramifications of personal choices. We've already talked about genetics and biological processes but I haven't done such a good job about linking sex with eternity. Well, linking sex with it at all to be honest lol.

[hordak]

We had sex ed in 5th grade. Do they not do this anymore?

[talisyn]

Originally Posted by hordak

We had sex ed in 5th grade. Do they not do this anymore?

They do. But kids (esp girls) are maturing a whole lot faster. When I was in school it was 6th grade and it was already a year too late for me and a few others girls lol.

[ninjormon]

Originally Posted by hordak

We had sex ed in 5th grade. Do they not do this anymore?

We didnt have anything close to it till much later on, and most of the time its a controvertial issue at PTA meetings on who should teach the children and with little opposition its stricken from the curriculum