Keeping tabs on kids' computer use

[LittleWyvern]

Originally Posted by mightynancy

LilWy, it's part of being a parent.

Ha, you've trumped me with just that!

I suppose you're right, and I'll defer posting here for the time being.

[unixknight]

Originally Posted by RachelleDrew

I think we all get that.

But putting a big brother system in the computers at your ex wife's house is nuts. I still want someone to explain to me how it's not illegal.

Simple. First, the Ex will be aware. Since we're the parents, and they're the kids, they only have rights through us, the parents. We can monitor their computers any way we see fit.

[Fiannan]

This is really an interesting issue. For some of us it irks us to think of spying but for others it's a question of protecting one's child.

The way I see it though, if one has cable TV one can opt out of stations that contain porn -- I really wanted to subscribe to a movie station when my wife and I changed our cable service but the movie station plays explicite porn from mid-night to 1:30am. Why worry about what the little ones are doing if they wake up in the middle of the night and happen to turn the TV on?

The computer is a whole different story. One can access anything, and I mean that quite literally, on the net (much of it for free). Within 5 seconds (the time it would take to google the term and find the links) you can watch an outstanding LDS video like Joseph, Prophet of the Restoration or you can watch an Islamic terrorist group behead a kdnapped victim. You can look up interesting graphics of the human body that only a while back were only available at medical schools or you can view Japanese porn sites that might make Hugh Hefner blush. There is absolutely no way you can block sites -- I mean, as I have stated earlier you can bypass most net censoring devices by typing in a foreign word to get to porn sites from that country. That's just one of the simplest.

A few days ago I was talking to a non-member guy who was involved in an activity along with my son. The teen knows I am LDS and asked if it was proper for the LDS girl who he went out with for a first date to have wanted to spend hours making out in her car. I merely asked him how he would feel if he had a 17 year old daughter doing that sort of thing and he nodded and completely understood the innapropriatness of the action without too much lecture. Ask your sons and daughters how they would feel if a family member or close friend was starring in a porn video on the net and how that would make them feel. If they have much empathy that might be enough to make them question looking at such things and get rid of the need to monitor them all the time.

[unixknight]

So far it hasn't become much of a problem. My younger son has seen it but as far as I know it hasn't happened again. I'm looking at this from a prevention angle.

On the other hand, if there IS a problem, then this would be a pretty good way to find out.

The thing is, at this age, privacy is a privilege, not a right. I am personally responsible for the well being of those kids whether they live with me or not.

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by unixknight

Ever since my ex lost interest in the church she's been much more lenient on our 3 kids in terms of what they can get away with, morality-wise. One issue is that she doesn't may any attention to what they do with their computers, and each has a computer in their own room, unsupervised.

I am a software developer and I've been working on a program that, once complete, will quietly run in the background of each computer and compile a report for me periodically and send me an E-mail. It will tell me every website the computer has visited, and eventually I might even add the functionality to search things like E-mail and chat logs for possible trouble.

This is, I admit, not allowing them much privacy, but in this day and age, and the fact that they're otherwise unsupervised, I feel it's necessary.

The reason I'm posting this is to let everybody know that if something like this interests you, and you'd like to have it for your kids' computers, let me know and I'll gladly share it with you, free of charge. It will only run on Windows, and you'd need the .NET framework installed but Windows XP and Vista come with that anyway. For those who like to tinker with software or who would just feel more comfortable, I'll also supply the source code as freeware. (It's written in C#)

At this point it's not finished, but the component that scans all Internet Explorer files works, and the E-mail feature is near completion.

MODS: I apologize, I meant to post this under Parenting. If someone would be so kind as to move it, I'll be very grateful.

When you purchase the latest NetGear 'N' router, it has the same logging status and e-mail alerts.

[unixknight]

Originally Posted by Hemidakota

When you purchase the latest NetGear 'N' router, it has the same logging status and e-mail alerts.

But if I do that, how can I have any fun improving my skills?

But seriously, thanks.

[Maxel]

For anyone hesitant about this idea and views if as a violation of a child's right to privacy, or not enough trust, or what-have-you:

I wish my parents had had something like this on our computers, and especially my personal one in my room. It would have helped save me from a lot of degrading material I perused (including pornography).

[RachelleDrew]

Originally Posted by unixknight

Simple. First, the Ex will be aware. Since we're the parents, and they're the kids, they only have rights through us, the parents. We can monitor their computers any way we see fit.

Thanks for that information. I was under the impression she was not going to be aware, that was why I was concerned.

If that's the case, then I don't see any problem with it.

[cullenh]

Ok this is an easy one for me..... my husband and I over a year ago had a feeling that something was wrong or going on with our oldest son and so I ended up doing major monitoring, snooping as well as detective work and it all paid off because our instincts were right on and after doing all we could on our end such as counseling the whole bit we ended sending him to a school/intreatment program out of state it was toughest decision we had to make as parents for more reasons than one..... he was there over a year and back home and even though hard emotionally, physically and financially we have no regrets and in a nut shell if we had not done what we did we would have lost him by now and I could not have lived with myself if that had happened!!!!

[InnerGold]

Part of parenting is setting boundaries. I would be extremely concerned as to their history on the web. Most young men become addicted to pornography at 6 to 8 years of age. I applaud your desire to stay involved as a parent.

I know my brother has lost some of his strength in the Gospel and has allowed his kids to do things, that before, they would get a whoopin for watching.

Press forward, in being involved and maintaining the strength in their lives.