6 basic "testing" tactics...

[kRasivayapRincess]

1. Badgering- the please please please!!! why? why? why? mom! mom! mom! mom! badgering can be particularly taxing when its done very loudly & also when it's done in public.. Badgering is what is referred to as a great "blender" tactic, since it mixes easily with other munipulative strategies. The basic element in badgering is of course,it's repetition...
2.Temper (intimidation)-displays of temper or what we would call the obvious agressive attaks like for a child who aren't so adept w/words yet may throw themselves on the floor,bang their heads,screaming WAY loud or kick ferociously.. Tantrums are often prolonged if (1) if the child has an audience (2)if the adults involved continue talkin,arguing, or pleading w/the youngster or (3) if the adult/s don't know how what to do...
3.Threat- Frustrated kids will often threaten their parents with dire predictions if the adults don't come across with the "desired goods" The message is obviously clear "is something "bad" is going to happen unless you give me what I want immediately" lol one example of a mother trying to get her lil girl to get to bed.. said angrily " all right I'll go to bed but i'm gna lay there all night long with my eyes wide open" other threats aren't so funny like threats to take lives-run away etc..
4.Martyrdom- martyrlike testin tactics are a perennial fave of kids.. When using martyrdom the child may indicate that his life is sooo unfair and or sometimes youngsters may actually do something that has a self-punative like not eating dinner. Crying,pouting and simply looking sad can also be effective munipulative devices.. the goal of martyrdom is obviously to make the parent feel guilty. Acting hurt or deprived can be a powerful way of influencing adult behavior.
5.Butter Up- Different from the 1st 4 tactics which usually tend to make you feel uncomfortable this one is the "feel good" one .. with buttering up the basic message to the parent/s is- you'll feel really bad if you mistreat/discipline/deny me after how nice i've been to you.. buttering up is intended to be an advance set up for parental guilt. apologies can be sincere but they can be examples of butter up testing..Butter up munipulation is obviously the least obnoxious of all the testing tactics some ppl dont think it should be labeled as a testing @ all.. It's hard to distinguish the testing tactic from genuine affection..
6.Physical Tactics- the last & perhaps the worst tactic of them all...here the frustrated child may physically attack the adult.. physical methods of tryin to get one's way of course they are more common in smaller children who dont have well developed lang. skills..

so i was just thinking to myself being a parent which one or which of these tactics day-day our children use.. how do we avoid these?? I have found that the most annoying munipulative manuever used by children is a tactic that combines two of the three favorites..This tactic which drives many parents nuts is a combination of badgering & martyrdom.. hahah of course it's Whining... yay well that was all =) enjoy... just a tad peak into my thoughts =) woot...

[prisonchaplain]

My 8 year old is pretty good at several of these. The four year old mostly uses badgering. The only defensive tactic we could come up with is the consistent no. Well, if it gets really bad, we threaten to not only say no, but to remove some former blessings (movie night, dessert night, etc.). Carrot and stick...age old and effective.

BTW, there seems to be some strange correlation between the # of consistent no's I give out and the # of gray hairs I acquire. Not sure what the science is behind that.

[kRasivayapRincess]

mine is good @ buttering up & martyrdom.. just really insightful.. but idk i just am glad that i have noticed this early on.. n cutting it in the bud before it gets to the points of these other tactics coming into use.. that wouldn't be good.. i think we all as parents are also in a sense have our own
"temper tantrums" like when we argue w/our kid's or yell or scream or ya know do other unncessary actions... but yeah know parenting is different in each household.. =) i think this basically sums up my household & what i have observed being a parent of a silly 4yr old who is going on 17 lol