Kids Are Funny

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

Children are not adults. You may have noticed. Sometimes they say or do things that older people find incredibly funny. I wanted to make a place for us to share stories about kids - ourselves when we were small, or own children, or the ones we teach in Primary.


Take for instance my son, who in Kindergarten told us he planned to have 100 children. He already had three wives picked out. When asked what kind of job he would have to support that many people, he said he wanted to be a fireman, a policeman, a chef and an archeologist. Over the years he has modified his plans. He found out about the Navy Seals and decided he had to do that, too, and has cut back to only one wife (whew!) and 10 kids. He's in fifth grade now, and is still stuck on the Navy Seal thing, which is great. I was talking to him about life in the military the other day - what basic training is like, what classes he might want to emphasize in High School . . . I spent nearly 10 years enlisted in the Air Force, and I'd love to see my son as an officer, so I was trying to push the benefits of going to college. I told him the officers wear cooler uniforms and get better housing and get paid more. He looked at me like I was crazy! I didn't know why he was so confused and went over again how hard you have to work in school and all you have to go through to become an officer. Then he dropped the bomb question: "You get PAID to be in the military??!?!?!?!?! That is just AWEsome!" All this time he thought that was just a hobby you did on the side and you still had to have a regular job to support your family. LOL

[Heather]

My Favorite Email story:

The Middle Wife
(By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher)

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcomed to.



Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.

"She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

[lisajo]

When my youngest son Sam was in pre-school we had a hard time getting his Birth certificate, well one day the teacher told him it was a very important document and it proved who he was and that his Mom and Dad were really his Mom and Dad, well i get a call from his teacher one day, she said "i need to see you right away," so off to school i went. when she greeted me she was rather upset, and i asked her what he had done and how much trouble he was in...............very seriousely she tells me to sit down (of course on one of those ity bity pre-school chairs) then she began to tell me what she had told him that they needed his birth cert. to prove he belonged to us (and this woman has been a friend of mine for years and knew me when he was born Jeshhhhh) any way Sam looked at her and said......." BB & Lisa arent my real parents, My Mom died when i was born and my Dad got hurt in a bad accident and lost his arm so he could not take care of me so i was in a place for little kids, then one day i was at A Garth Brooks concert in New York city and i met BB and Lisa and they loved me and adopted me" LOL i laughed so hard i fell off that tiny chair and rolled around laughing on the floor, the Teacher on the other hand was very angry " This it not funny lisa this child is telling young lies" LOL i told her "look you should have not worried him about this this is my prob. about the Birth cert. not his," well she was rather rude to me so i eventually took him out off that school, and the birth cert. came the next day! This is one story i saved for his scrap book

[Heather]

Wow that's amazing he has that much of an imagination at preschool age! I would've been very impressed with my son and started him writing his own stories.

[lisajo]

Wow that's amazing he has that much of an imagination at preschool age! I would've been very impressed with my son and started him writing his own stories.
[/b]

LOL i was, he does write now, has an amazing imagination still

[Josie]

Very funny LisaJo and it just shows what real characters your kids are, LOL. They all are quite their own characters from what I know. Of course their Mom is quite the character too, LOL... And I mean that in a good way, girl... We have known each other a long time and we have this site to thank for that.... And you too Heather....

[lisajo]

Ya Josie ya Know Sam he's always been my comic LOL

[pushka]

Those stories were fantastic! I've sent the Middle Wife to my sister who's a midwife, so she can have a good old chuckle too, I'm sure she'll love it!!

Well, my son Daniel has quite a vivid imagination too, and two things he told his 1st class teachers at school were:

1. We'd just returned from our summer holidays to Kenya, and had a pet tiger at home!! (Can't believe the dinner lady believed him...lol)

2. His teacher asked me to stay behind at school one day as she was quite worried about him, wondered if there were problems at home as he had told her his granddad had been run over by a train, and was in hospital...his head had been rolled over!!! Can't believe that she thought that was true as well!!! Sheesh....

[Palerider]

Maybe this will qualify as funny.....when our son was in first grade he told us he decided what he wanted to be when he grows up......He told us...I want to be Vice President of the United States and on the weekends drive a School Bus......

[lisajo]

Maybe this will qualify as funny.....when our son was in first grade he told us he decided what he wanted to be when he grows up......He told us...I want to be Vice President of the United States and on the weekends drive a School Bus......
[/b]

LOL that was to cute, it's a good thing i guess we dont have school on the weekends