Spanking

[Cal]

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Spanking is wrong on several levels. First, it doesn't work. Second, it teaches one thing: When you are frustrated with the behavior of another, physical agression is appropriate. Is that really the lesson we want the child to learn? I know the first to be true, because, I tried it. Very ineffective. Bottom line: kids that get hit, learn to hit, not how to behave. Kids only learn how to behave by seeing adults they respect behave well, and by feeling secure in their relationships with those adults. Spanking is just a euphamism for physical agression or hitting. Just because the Bible condones it doesn't make it right or true. After all, the Bible also condones slavery, capital punishment and a bunch of other uncivilized behaviors.
[/b]

I got spanked a lot when i was a kid. I dont abuse anyone. And I must also disagree about:

"kids that get hit, learn to hit, not how to behave."

I learned how to behave not how to hit when I got spanked. The last thing I wanted to do was do something wrong and get spanked for it, i hated it. Although your statement might be true for some kids.
[/b][/quote]

You say that you got spanked a lot, but don't abuse anyone. Do you spank YOUR kids? Then you do. The pattern is repeating. The problem with spanking is that it teaches the next generation to communicate with violence, rather than reason. Until we break the cycle, the next generation will be just as violent as we are.This stuff about "shocking" the kid into awareness with spanking is crap. Kids should be treated with the SAME dignity and respect that we want to be treated. No one has the right to hit kids, period. And yes, I do think it should be criminalized, just like any other form of battery is actionable at law.

[Josh M]

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Spanking is wrong on several levels. First, it doesn't work. Second, it teaches one thing: When you are frustrated with the behavior of another, physical agression is appropriate. Is that really the lesson we want the child to learn? I know the first to be true, because, I tried it. Very ineffective. Bottom line: kids that get hit, learn to hit, not how to behave. Kids only learn how to behave by seeing adults they respect behave well, and by feeling secure in their relationships with those adults. Spanking is just a euphamism for physical agression or hitting. Just because the Bible condones it doesn't make it right or true. After all, the Bible also condones slavery, capital punishment and a bunch of other uncivilized behaviors.
[/b]

I got spanked a lot when i was a kid. I dont abuse anyone. And I must also disagree about:

"kids that get hit, learn to hit, not how to behave."

I learned how to behave not how to hit when I got spanked. The last thing I wanted to do was do something wrong and get spanked for it, i hated it. Although your statement might be true for some kids.
[/b][/quote]

You say that you got spanked a lot, but don't abuse anyone. Do you spank YOUR kids? Then you do. The pattern is repeating. The problem with spanking is that it teaches the next generation to communicate with violence, rather than reason. Until we break the cycle, the next generation will be just as violent as we are.This stuff about "shocking" the kid into awareness with spanking is crap. Kids should be treated with the SAME dignity and respect that we want to be treated. No one has the right to hit kids, period. And yes, I do think it should be criminalized, just like any other form of battery is actionable at law.
[/b][/quote]


Ehh I was just interested in the parenting forum, thought id read a couple posts. Im only 17 so i dont have kids but I read what that person said and had to say something. I do believe spanking should be a last resort. If me spanking my kids means they will show respect as I did to my parents, and my kids spanking their kids makes them show respect like I did to my parents, so be it, let the cycle continue. You can call it violent and abusive all you want. The lord sometimes DESTORYS his children to humble those around them, why cant parents spank their children to humble them?

[prisonchaplain]

Just a side note. I'm pretty sure there is no "spare the rod spoil the child" proverb. I think that's a common misperception. Just like, "God helps those that help themselves." Let me know if I'm wrong though...[/b]

The phrase is a summary of the following proverb:

Proverbs 13:24 (King James Version): He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

[Josh M]

I think that verse also adds to my belief in spanking

[prisonchaplain]

This stuff about "shocking" the kid into awareness with spanking is crap. Kids should be treated with the SAME dignity and respect that we want to be treated. No one has the right to hit kids, period. And yes, I do think it should be criminalized, just like any other form of battery is actionable at law.[/b]

Quite often in these forums we'll reach a point of impass and agree to disagree. However, I sensed something more in Cal's quite radical position that ALL USE OF PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE AGAINST CHILDREN OF ALL AGES IS ABUSE. Cal would imprison me, and all of you who believe that spanking can be used as a last resort, or a rare discipline tool. We would all be labeled as abusers.

Such a position is radical, because historically even adults have been subject to physical discipline in some circumstances. Children always have. While historical precedent does not always justify continuation (such as slavery), it does mean the burden of proof lies heavily upon those who would force all to comply to their notions of morality. To take a position currently held by less than 30% of parents and say, "Disagree, and we will jail you for abusing your child," betrays the very notion that parents are to raise children, not the state.

The state is to intervene in extreme cases, where abuse is clear, and reasonable people agree. You're not even close to being there, Cal. I agree with your general idea that logic, love, reason, dignity are primary for children. But, there are occasions where the spank can be effectively used. Your stridency, inflexiblity, and willingness to force your radical notions on all through the force of law may end up harming children more than the totality of parents who use spanking as a rare discipline.

[shanstress70]

If me spanking my kids means they will show respect as I did to my parents, and my kids spanking their kids makes them show respect like I did to my parents, so be it, let the cycle continue. You can call it violent and abusive all you want. The lord sometimes DESTORYS his children to humble those around them, why cant parents spank their children to humble them?
[/b]

And the only way your kids will show respect to you is if you spank them? I think not. There are much better ways.

And what are you talking about humbling your kids? Life is humbling enough!

Do the world a favor and wait to have kids!!!

[Dr T]

Hello PC,

Yes, that is the closest biblic verse. But again, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is not in the Bible. Just wanted to clarify.

Dr. T

[Josh M]

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If me spanking my kids means they will show respect as I did to my parents, and my kids spanking their kids makes them show respect like I did to my parents, so be it, let the cycle continue. You can call it violent and abusive all you want. The lord sometimes DESTORYS his children to humble those around them, why cant parents spank their children to humble them?
[/b]

And the only way your kids will show respect to you is if you spank them? I think not. There are much better ways.

And what are you talking about humbling your kids? Life is humbling enough!

Do the world a favor and wait to have kids!!!
[/b][/quote]


First of i NEVER said it was the only way. I do believe it should be used as a last resort.

Life for a 4 year old....wow that must be the hardest time in your life. You dont get a cookie before dinner.... How can you say life is humbling enough for a child?

And I will do the world a favor and wait. I am not saying that I know everything about parenting....I pretty much dont know anything about parenting. And by the looks of it neither do you.

[shanstress70]

<div class='quotemain'>
<div class='quotemain'>
If me spanking my kids means they will show respect as I did to my parents, and my kids spanking their kids makes them show respect like I did to my parents, so be it, let the cycle continue. You can call it violent and abusive all you want. The lord sometimes DESTORYS his children to humble those around them, why cant parents spank their children to humble them?
[/b]

And the only way your kids will show respect to you is if you spank them? I think not. There are much better ways.

And what are you talking about humbling your kids? Life is humbling enough!

Do the world a favor and wait to have kids!!!
[/b][/quote]


First of i NEVER said it was the only way. I do believe it should be used as a last resort.

Life for a 4 year old....wow that must be the hardest time in your life. You dont get a cookie before dinner.... How can you say life is humbling enough for a child?

And I will do the world a favor and wait. I am not saying that I know everything about parenting....I pretty much dont know anything about parenting. And by the looks of it neither do you.
[/b][/quote]

Maybe I don't, but I'm sure trying my damndest, and I don't take the easy way out and hit my child! Yes, life for a young child is humbling if you look at the world through their eyes. They are getting very independent and want to do everything for themselves, but try as they may, they drop things and make messes, put on their pants backwards, can't tie their shoes, etc. Someone is always telling them what to do, they get yelled at, SOME get spanked. And I won't even talk about the humbling that happens when they start school... some kids are cruel.

At this age, they are still trying to figure out what's acceptable, and how much mom and dad will stick to their guns... it's all a test. Our children don't need to be hit by the ones they love and trust more than anyone in the world. They need to be guided.

[StrawberryFields]

EEEKKKK


Lets try to be respectful to one another here.


I believe the reality of the situation, of this topic, comes from the wisdom of our experiences. I also believe that when we have our own children we want to take what we have learned from our own childhood and improve on it to make life better for our children.

As I look back on the things that my parents did when raising me I have learned much. When I spoke to my mom about the way she was raised as a child she had learned much and softened her ways. It is my belief that parents want their children to go up responsible, respectful and happy. How they get there will greatly depend on the amount of knowledge they have about parenting.

When I was a child I was probably spanked a half a dozen times total. The thing that really hurt me was never really remember feeling good enough as their daughter and that didn't come from those few spankings. Looking back I think it came from not being caught doing good. I was caught plenty doing wrong. I remember being told I was bad many times and "the looks" of disappointment cut to the core of my being. It wasn't the few spanking that have affected me in my lifetime, it was the negative feelings that I received on a regular basis that really hurt.

In general, People don't always remember what you say, but they do remember they way you made them feel.