Mean Kid on the playground

TheDollyMama · #1 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 10:17 AM

My kids and I just started last week going to our ward's playgroup activities. I have a 2 month old son and a 4 year old daughter. Both times my daughter has pushed a little kid down on purpose. I don't know why she has gotten to be mean. I don't know what to do or how to change this behavior. Both times i have scolded her and put her in a time out.

Any advice?

Eowyn · #2 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 10:24 AM

That's tough! I would tell her that you aren't going to play group until she can play nice. Then skip the next 2 or 3 times. Make sure to tell her on that day that it's playgroup day, but you aren't going to go because she keeps pushing littler kids. Then the next time, ask her if she's ready to try again. If she pushes again, leave immediately, and don't go again for awhile. She'll either grow out of it or get the point.

Jennarator · #3 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 10:44 AM

I agree w/ Eowyn. I would also ask her why she pushed and roll play other ways to deal with the issues. Like if she pushed because someone took the swing she wanted, roll play what to do other than push. Let her know to come talk to you before she gets really mad and wants to push someone. I know that can be hard for a small child, but it time she wil learn how to cope with others.

Eowyn · #4 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 10:48 AM

For the record, I've found 4 to be the hardest age so far in all my kids 4 and older. The good news is, the demon usually leaves them sometime before they're 6.

beefche · #5 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennarator

I agree w/ Eowyn. I would also ask her why she pushed and roll play other ways to deal with the issues. Like if she pushed because someone took the swing she wanted, roll play what to do other than push. Let her know to come talk to you before she gets really mad and wants to push someone. I know that can be hard for a small child, but it time she wil learn how to cope with others.

Ok, this misspelling made me laugh!

It's role play. Roll play would be rolling on the ground in play. So, the idea of teaching a child to not push someone by rolling on the ground makes me laugh!

anatess · #6 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 11:37 AM

Ahh, the 4-year-old stage. This is the age where my 2 boys went through their un-ending WHY? stage.

Okay, I have some opinions on this matter. First off, it's around the 4-year-old mark when the kids are constantly seeking validation from their parents. This is also the time when the kid's imagination starts to run wild and they may still get "real" and "pretend" mixed up. And this is also around the time that the kids start to feel intense emotions beyond physical triggers. Physical triggers are things like being hungry, tired, sleepy, uncomfortable (wet diaper and such). It is around the 4 year old mark that they start to realize emotions such as anger, fear, abandonment, frustration, etc.

Of course, these are just some of the changes in the 4-year-old stage but I'm listing these in particular because this may hold the clue to your daughter's behavior.

So, the question is... Why did she push somebody on the playground? Here's some possibilities:

1.) I'm reading the initial post and I see 2-month-old. Hmm... that may be a clue. Maybe she was looking for validation from Mommy but Mommy was too busy keeping the 2-month-old happy so, she pushed somebody on the playground to get mommy's attention.\
Or...
2.) She got angry, felt the emotion and didn't know what to do about it, so she thought pushing the kid was the best response.
Or...
3.) She was playing in the playground by re-enacting something she saw on Dora the Explorer where Dora pushed Boots down the mountain, she saw the kid and Dora/Boots and the kid joined together in her imaginative play so she pushed the kid.
Or... it might be something else.

Now, all we see is that your daughter pushed somebody and we immediately think - Oh, she was being mean! Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. Careful observation and analysis of WHY this happened can lead to how to correct it... only you, as the mother, can know exactly what's going on.

Hope this helps.

applepansy · #7 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eowyn

For the record, I've found 4 to be the hardest age so far in all my kids 4 and older. The good news is, the demon usually leaves them sometime before they're 6.

I agree. Four is a transitional age which I think is what makes it more difficult. The terrible twos are a breeze compared to the Fours.

I needed the reminder. I've been beating myself up for not handling my grandson better. He just turned 4 yesterday. I'd forgotten this stage. Thanks!

Jennarator · #8 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beefche

Ok, this misspelling made me laugh!

It's role play. Roll play would be rolling on the ground in play. So, the idea of teaching a child to not push someone by rolling on the ground makes me laugh!

I don't see why they can't play with the roll dough while talking about how to play nice with others....lol!

Eowyn · #9 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 01:34 PM

Mmmmmm, rolls. . .

TheDollyMama · #10 (**permalink**) 03-27-2012, 01:38 PM

The look on her face when she did it is how I know she was doing it in anger or something else like that. I could tell today when she did it when I looked up and saw her walking toward the little girl by the look on her face and thought "oh no... not again". SHe doesn't seem quite old enough to get the question "why did you do that?" She always just gives some bizarre answer that has nothing to do with why she did something.