My wife and I are dead set against our kids having sleep overs, whether it be at someone else's house or our own. These days it is just way to risky. Even if you know the home you are sending your kids to, even if they are members of the church, it does not mean nothing will happen. There are usually older siblings of the opposite sex and parents in the house with them. I won't allow them in my house because I wouldn't want members of my family to be tempted to do those things, or even to be accused of them.
Are we the only ones who feel this way?
Do your parent homework:
You need more guidelines for sleep overs than you do for teen dating. Your concerns are very valid. My first rule for sleep overs: (my rules were made up as we went along and the experiences that we incurred!)
#0: Find out who lives in the home. Is it just parents and their kids? Do they have relatives who live their also? And do they have adult friends who frequently visit and sometimes stay over.
#00: Get an address book for your child's friends' parents and not only get the home phone number but cell numbers too. This is not just for sleep overs but for your child visiting there. Some parents will invite your child to go with them to rent movies...etc and may not call and ask you.
#00A: You should also make a record in your address book of the parents' vehicles make/model and license plate numbers.
#00B: You should meet the parents and know what they look like.
#1 Never allow your child to sleep over if their parents do not communicate with you, the parent. I don't care how popular the family is.
#2 Never drop your kid off. Always escort them to the front door and step inside and greet the parents. If the parents don't want you to come in, take your kid and leave.
#3 Never let your child leave school, church, grocery store, water park, baseball game...etc for a sleep over. Take your child home and call the parents with a yes or no.
#4 Never allow your child to sleep over with a friend who they just met. We have a three (3) month rule! After you and your child has known the family for three months then decide. This discourages a lot of weirdos!!!
#5 If their classmates invite them to a birthday/sleep over and you do not know the parents, call the parents and then call the teacher and ask for references. (Many kids will be invited to the birthday party and only a few will be invited to stay for the sleep over). Get telephone numbers!!! Get your kid a cell phone and teach them how to use it.
#6 For scouting trips...etc, if the people in charge of the trip are too busy to give you the information that you need and too busy to answer questions and treat you like a dummy, Do Not Send Your Child On The Trip!
#7 Always give your kid your home telephone number and cell number in case of an emergency and teach them how to use a public pay phone and how to dial the police. Make sure they have a small flashlight because some people do not have night lights.
#8 Have a definite schedule for picking up your child and you should pick them up no later than 10 a.m. No extended stays!
The children who are the most excited about sleep overs are children grades K-3.
There are plenty more rules but these should get you thinking.