I just wanted to take a moment to give glory to our Heavenly Father!! Really He is an awesome God!!!!
My journey has been a long ordeal filled with much sadness and pain but through it all Jesus my big brother has been there. Even if I didn't always know it......
I was sexually abused from the age of 5 to 11 by my father. Needless to say it messed me up pretty bad. I suffered from depression , anxiety, feelings of unworthiness guilt and plenty of shame.....
As for God I just could never connect. At church they would talk of God as a father figure. Well , let's face it my image of a "father" was not the most ideal. And I always felt too dirty for God to even want me in His prescence. Yet , deep down I so wanted and needed Heavenly Father. But, I couldn't seem to reach Him.....
I know now that those feelings were from the father of lies, the devil. I tried to end my life when I was 22..... I ended up in a hospital and finally got some much needed therapy. A miracle of sorts happened the night I tried to commit suicide. Now I know this may seem totally insane but at the moment I laid down to die. A voice spoke to me and asked me what I was doing? And I saw a figure beside me.... to this day I believe that was an angel! That voice said I was going to be okay and not even ten minutes later a friend knocked on my door. She said she just felt compelled to come over. She felt something was wrong....
My contact with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day Saints began when I was 14 in Germany. I met two missionaries who were so kind and we would talk a few times before my parents found out and put a stop to it! They said it was a cult and we had a church and if that was good enough for them it was good enough for me. It was years before I met anyone from the Church or missionaries again. To make a longer story short. A little over a year ago I ran into some missionaries here in the city I live in as I was walking in the park. They asked me if I had ever heard of the Book of Mormon and the Church? I said ; Oh yes and went on to explain of my first contact back in Germany as a child. I was so excited and began discussions right away. But the old wounds of the past reared their ugly head once more. And the devil convinced me I was unworthy of being a member of God's true church. What's ironic is now as I think back the devil himself testified to my spirit that this was God's true Church. Because he said ; "You are too unworthy to be a part of God's Church!" Well, I quit discussions and withdrew into myself. And, rather than reach out to the Elders and say, hey I got issues. Can you help me? I just gave up.....
Well some LDS Saints Didn't give up and continued to be friendly and said if I needed anything they were there. I began looking up on the web LDS and abuse and came across some articles that gave me hope. And, then I joined the yahoo group called LDS circle of friends. I finally confessed recently what was really going on and their support was overwhelming!!! Then I spoke to missionaries on-line at mormon.org. and they were helpful also. Slowly Heavenly Father made the Atonement come alive to me. Through the Atonement I found freedom and am healing in ways to numerous to name here and now. I am seeing the missionaries again and being totally honest about who I am and where I have been in life. I am not healed but I am healing and I won't let the devil steal my joy ever again.....
Well I will shut up now!!!
I ask for all your prayers for my upcoming baptism and continued healing. I once again praise God from whom all blessings flow. I testify to the Prophethood of Joseph Smith and the truth of The Book of Mormon and His holy Church!!!
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04-22-2009, 12:17 AM
A testimony and asking for prayers...
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