Please intercede for me?

[Gwen]

Have you asked him why he's so emotional about this? Don't ask in a condescending way but really wanting to understand. If he's that emotional there is probably a reason for it.

I was on the other end of an uninvited hair cut. My father cut my son's hair. I was very upset, probably the most upset I have ever been. There were a lot of factors involved and none of it really had to do with the hair. I don't get mad anymore when I think about it but I've never said "I forgive you" and I won't. God can decide if he's forgiven or not, I've moved on. Part of what was so insulting about it was after some time he did come to me, instead of a real apology or trying to understand me he told me why he did it, that he was ok with his decision and he was ok if I wanted to be mad at him for it. It was salt in the wound, it has changed my relationship with him.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by ldsf

been threatened by my wife's son-in-law with bodily harm for cutting his son's hair too short
...
counsel and advice would be appreciated.

I'd say stop babysitting, or if you do, don't cut your grandkid's hair.

(Assuming you decide not to press charges against your wife's sone-in-law...)

[ChooseTheSun]

Originally Posted by ldsf

Thanks Square. Am continuing to pray without ceasing and seeking God's deliverance and protection in future for my mistake and fault of another? Hoping God will be merciful and not allow me a beating. Hopefully, God will provide my wife's son-in-law some forgiveness and peacefulness in spirit?

[pam]

Ldsf, I can tell you feel badly for what has transpired. I can tell you have learned something from this experience.

Give the father some time. Back away from the situation for awhile. Hopefully, in time, things will just blow over. The hair will grow back out and perhaps you can rebuild any kind of a relationship you had.

Wishing you the best.

[applepansy]

Originally Posted by Gwen

Have you asked him why he's so emotional about this? Don't ask in a condescending way but really wanting to understand. If he's that emotional there is probably a reason for it.

I was on the other end of an uninvited hair cut. My father cut my son's hair. I was very upset, probably the most upset I have ever been. There were a lot of factors involved and none of it really had to do with the hair. I don't get mad anymore when I think about it but I've never said "I forgive you" and I won't. God can decide if he's forgiven or not, I've moved on. Part of what was so insulting about it was after some time he did come to me, instead of a real apology or trying to understand me he told me why he did it, that he was ok with his decision and he was ok if I wanted to be mad at him for it. It was salt in the wound, it has changed my relationship with him.

I'm sorry Gwen. I think you're great, but what you've said here concerns me. (see bolded)

D&C 6i4: 9-10

Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

[Gwen]

I don't see where anything I said was in conflict with the scriptures you quoted. I've left it in God's hands to decide what becomes of him for forgiveness, I've moved on. Not looking someone in the eye and saying "I forgive you" doesn't mean you haven't gone through the process of leaving it up to God. Isn't that what people are talking about when they say to just let something "blow over"?

From my perspective lack of forgiveness is evidenced through hurt, anger, resentment, pain, etc. When you think of that person or event you start to feel all those initial reaction emotions over again as if it just happened. An inability to move on in life, being stuck at that event. You can forgive and move on leaving it to God without ever talking to that person.

In my situation he made it very clear he didn't want or need my forgiveness, he was comfortable with is decision. I see no need to say the words to him. He has what he wanted, it's in God's hands. If I am required to say the words to him then I will explain why he hurt me so much, why what he did was far worse than he will ever comprehend. I spent a very long time praying and writing letters that I never sent explaining things to him. I spent a lot of time pondering what and how to get over the situation. Some will say that confrontation is the only way. But that situation would cause more hurt and harm than letting it go and moving on. How is it forgiveness to reopen old wounds and potentially create more? He's content and I eventually found peace with it as well. The solution I found peace with was to leave it to God and move on, no confrontation needed. I don't see anything lacking in the principle of forgiveness there.

The reason I brought the situation up with the op is I figured he might find it helpful to know what it would have taken for me to be ok fairly soon after my similar situation. Don't give a fake apology, don't insist it's no big deal. Seek to understand, be genuine, and be willing to move on (even if the other person never says "I forgive you"). If he is losing sleep after it seems the father has moved on then maybe the bigger issue is self forgiveness?

[ldsf]

Originally Posted by SQUARE

If we touch a hot stove top, we are going to get burned. When we take this same principle and apply it into our everyday life we will not get burned as often, if at all. Oh, I forgot that common sense is not common. Unfortunately we learn most common senses from past experiences or other people, some good and some bad. This helps build our character. Ensure you tell your kids never to cut anyones hair without consent from the recipient, and or the recipients parents(Very Very Important). Find a cave for a while and hide, past practices has shown this has worked for many, many years.

Have prayed and considered that may be a future opportunity for me and son-in-law to talk this out in a calm and peaceful manner and spirit? To explain that I too am imperfect and at times forget the reminders others have asked of me to do for them. In my situation I guess I ought to have called his father and updated that his son was complaining of his eyes were 'itching' with his bangs getting in his eyes before offering to cut the bangs? The father might have suggested that his son be taken to a barber, but this is speculation on my part. I've learned from this chastening that I'll have to pay more attention to my wife's son-in-law's requests and regard for his son's appearance in school and that other children will laugh at his son's hairdo. It's been a wake up call for me as well as an opportunity to get to know my wife's son-in-law and to break the ice so far. So, my prayers now are for God's protection and continued guidance to seek legal help if needed in future if son-in-law decides to take God's chastening into his own hands and go through with catching me in an alone time with intent to abuse me physically.

[pam]

Ldsf..I'm sure he said all those things in a moment of anger. He probably didn't really mean it. We all say things in anger that we don't really mean.

[applepansy]

Originally Posted by Gwen

I don't see where anything I said was in conflict with the scriptures you quoted. I've left it in God's hands to decide what becomes of him for forgiveness, I've moved on. Not looking someone in the eye and saying "I forgive you" doesn't mean you haven't gone through the process of leaving it up to God. Isn't that what people are talking about when they say to just let something "blow over"?

From my perspective lack of forgiveness is evidenced through hurt, anger, resentment, pain, etc. When you think of that person or event you start to feel all those initial reaction emotions over again as if it just happened. An inability to move on in life, being stuck at that event. You can forgive and move on leaving it to God without ever talking to that person.

In my situation he made it very clear he didn't want or need my forgiveness, he was comfortable with is decision. I see no need to say the words to him. He has what he wanted, it's in God's hands. If I am required to say the words to him then I will explain why he hurt me so much, why what he did was far worse than he will ever comprehend. I spent a very long time praying and writing letters that I never sent explaining things to him. I spent a lot of time pondering what and how to get over the situation. Some will say that confrontation is the only way. But that situation would cause more hurt and harm than letting it go and moving on. How is it forgiveness to reopen old wounds and potentially create more? He's content and I eventually found peace with it as well. The solution I found peace with was to leave it to God and move on, no confrontation needed. I don't see anything lacking in the principle of forgiveness there.

The reason I brought the situation up with the op is I figured he might find it helpful to know what it would have taken for me to be ok fairly soon after my similar situation. Don't give a fake apology, don't insist it's no big deal. Seek to understand, be genuine, and be willing to move on (even if the other person never says "I forgive you"). If he is losing sleep after it seems the father has moved on then maybe the bigger issue is self forgiveness?

Gwen, I think too much of you to not post about this.

I agree that forgiveness is a lack of negativity towards the person you need to forgive. But it is more than just leaving it to God. You don't need to say the words "I forgive you" to the person but you need to be able to say to God "I forgive so&so, no more bad feelings towards them". What you explained didn't say that. If that's where you are with your relationship with your father, great! and I'll apologize for misunderstanding. Letting something blow over isn't forgiving them.

I agree with the point you're making to the OP. Sometimes letting things go is the first step towards truly forgiving someone. But in the situation the OP described "self forgiveness" doesn't apply either. Apologizing for cutting the child's hair without permission? yes. But what is there to forgive himself for? Forgive the SIL, most definitely, and that can be done without confrontation.

[pam]

Apple, I was also going to reply that letting something "blow over" still doesn't relieve me of any responsibility to work on the forgiveness part as well.