Marriage with seperate beliefs

Solsalia · #1 (**permalink**) 02-19-2009, 10:58 PM

I am in a horse forum and decided to find an LDS Forum. I need all the spirtitual help I can get. I am and endowed LDS member and my husband is not a member. We have 4 small children ranging in ages 1 to 5. Recently my husband has decided that he wants a divorce. He then came back and said he wanted to try again, now he is acting distant again. All this in the matter of 3 weeks. I'm not as tore up as I was before because I know I will be okay either way. I have prayed and felt confirmation several times. It's the waiting game that drives me crazy. I am trying to the best wife I can be with no regrets, some days are harder then others. I never thought of an actual divorce. I knew it would be hard as we had different beliefs but not divorce. I love him with all my heart and it's hard to see it not returned. There of course is a lot more to the story but for now I start my first post on this forum with my trial, enduring, and hopefully happy ending to this mess.

lestertheemt · #2 (**permalink**) 02-20-2009, 12:17 AM

I am not sure what I can say but hang in there.

((((((hugs))))))))

oh and welcome to the site

ruthiechan · #3 (**permalink**) 02-20-2009, 09:22 AM

My husband is not a member of the church either. We spent two years separated. At first he told me he wanted a divorce, then he said that he wanted to try again, then he said there was no hope. Then it all went into a sort of limbo of maybe hope, maybe not. Then we separated. He would visit every other weekend (by that point we lived three hours away from each other and he had to juggle work) to see our daughter. Eventually this turned into us visiting him more often than the other way around, which my husband preferred because of work.

All that time we were slowly trying to get to know each other again. We talked via IM all the time, which helped us talk about some hard things. Two years later we moved back in together.

The only reason why this all went so well is because I prayed every day and would follow the Spirit's instructions, even if very little day to day things. Most instructions were service oriented. A few times I was told to keep my mouth shut, which can be hard. It was very easy to think about me and my pain as opposed to his pain and his needs. Remember, he's hurting too.

Also, know this, Satan will use your own religion against you. Satan tried very hard to get me to give up, but in this life, right now, it is far more important that your children have loving parents of different religions that love each other than to have parents that are broken up and dealing with remarriages, including remarrying in the Temple.

I also did not burden my husband with I Love You's. I told him that if he doesn't want to say it, not to force it, that it's okay. I knew my husband still cared and I told him that was enough (and no, enough for now, that sets up an expectation). I told my husband I loved him, but that I wouldn't say it unless I was really feeling it but that I would tell him I loved him through my deeds.

The Spirit told me to do that. I never would have thought of it on my own. So, I encourage to ponder and pray about what I've said. I wish you all the best.

Solsalia · #4 (**permalink**) 02-20-2009, 08:07 PM

Thanks for the support. It is so hard to do this. Last night he called to let me know he was going to the bar. I took an herbal sleeping pill because i knew I would wait up for him and it was better that I go to sleep. It's like a constant prayer in the heart. I feel he is trying to do things to get me to get upset and let him off the hook so he doesn't have to do it. I have felt strongly and so has my father to not let myself do that. God values marriage very highly and I do feel this one he does not want dissolved. I became endowed in 2006 and I think that started more questions and him looking into anti mormon stuff. He is tied closely to his extended family (mother father, and ecspecially his brother).

Thanks for your input. It's hard to feel him hurting as he does this to me all day, hot and cold is what tears me up. He'll put his arm around me then he will bounce around me like to opposite magnetic polls. If it was consistent it would be more bearable. I know with the spirit and prayer I will be fine and I need to keep doing that. It hasn't been to long but long enough.

Thanks again

winterstar · #5 (**permalink**) 02-25-2009, 05:40 PM

I'm soo sorry. I don't know what to say. My path is similiar in that my husband doesn't consider himself LDS. (He stopped shortly after baptism. I think he rushed it because he loved me greatly.)

If you need a shoulder to cry on, you may have mine.

foreverafter · #6 (**permalink**) 04-01-2009, 10:44 PM

Do you want to save your marriage? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to save it? You can if you want to, for you hold all the power if you are faithful, but you have to want it more than anything else.

Jasmin · #7 (**permalink**) 04-02-2009, 05:08 PM

I will say a prayer for you. Good luck with all of this. On another note it is wonderful that you have 4 small children. You must be very busy!

Jasmin · #8 (**permalink**) 04-02-2009, 05:09 PM

Also have you read the love dare and completed it? It is great.

Solsalia · #9 (**permalink**) 04-28-2009, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverafter

Do you want to save your marriage? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to save it? You can if you want to, for you hold all the power if you are faithful, but you have to want it more than anything else.

Tell me more please

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasmin

Also have you read the love dare and completed it? It is great.

I have not read it. I'll have to put that on the list. I have a friend that has given me quite a few books. I'm not much of a book reader but I'll try to read that one as well. If I ever finish these

Here is another complication that I've thrown into my mess. I started to go to Kareokee nights with him which is at the bars of course. Something that we do together. I think the wear and tear of being around those places have taken a lot of my spirit away. I used to live that life and it is great temptation to go there. Also going to his parents house where they drink and smoke all the time has been pushing at me now. We spent a few days together taking a friends horses down to Arizona. That was nice. Things have gotten better but some things are still the same. I feel as if I'm letting go of what I had just not so long ago.

Wants2Know · #10 (**permalink**) 07-25-2009, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverafter

Do you want to save your marriage? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to save it? You can if you want to, for you hold all the power if you are faithful, but you have to want it more than anything else.

But it does take two to want it more than anything else.