Does anyone else feel like dying sometimes?

Finehomes · #1 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 06:41 AM

Sorry to post such a dark topic....its all that I think about lately.

My wife and kids left me a year and a half ago. We are still married but that seems to be coming to an end soon. The problem is I still love my wife and want to be with her. I don't want to lose our eternal marriage. I want my kids to have a complete family.

I feel completely empty and dark inside. Nothing helps. I'm too afraid of dying to do anything about it myself, but I pray every day that God will let me die. I can't think of anything I can do to get rid of this empty feeling. Whenever I am with my kids I tend to cry because they just remind me of her. I have tried everything I can think of to get her to change her mind but she seems to have already made her decision and doesn't care what the rest of us want.

Friends tell me I'll eventually feel better and find someone new. I don't want someone new. She is my best friend and I love being with her.

What can I do? I don't want to die but I don't want to live without my family.

Sam

Hemidakota · #2 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Finehomes

Sorry to post such a dark topic....its all that I think about lately.

My wife and kids left me a year and a half ago. We are still married but that seems to be coming to an end soon. The problem is I still love my wife and want to be with her. I don't want to lose our eternal marriage. I want my kids to have a complete family.

I feel completely empty and dark inside. Nothing helps. I'm too afraid of dying to do anything about it myself, but I pray every day that God will let me die. I can't think of anything I can do to get rid of this empty feeling. Whenever I am with my kids I tend to cry because they just remind me of her. I have tried everything I can think of to get her to change her mind but she seems to have already made her decision and doesn't care what the rest of us want.

Friends tell me I'll eventually feel better and find someone new. I don't want someone new. She is my best friend and I love being with her.

What can I do? I don't want to die but I don't want to live without my family.

Sam

It would not be a good time to die...we need to ensure everything is corrected and those lives we had affected in a negative term is corrected.

To desire an object or to soften any heart requires us to be faithful and obedient before the Godhead in asking it to be fulfilled. If it is your desire for the family to be united, correct that is wrong and go forth in changing your part of life which hinderers your ability in receiving the Holy Ghost and allowing the Godhead in repairing the damage area of life.

I have met some the worst marriages problems ever encountered and through divine providence, was corrected by those across the veil and later to be most beautiful relationalships ever seen. It took time, patience, and correction on both sides in order to put back what once was…and I know, you had the capacity in doing so.

Prodigal_Son · #3 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 08:53 AM

I, too, would encourage you to stay the course. Do you believe God is watching and directing your path? If so, then you have but one right choice: endure.

You cannot and should not look for some coercion to happen on your wife's part. Such is directly in contrast to the fundamental purpose of our existence. Rather, as Hemi indicated, you should change everything in your life/habits/personality that needs to be improved upon. Continue to pray. Continue to be a father - though your kids need you to be stable for them.

As ridiculous and impossible as this seems, you need to keep the Big Picture in mind. Regardless of which path your marriage takes, you STILL need to work. You STILL need to provide for your little ones. You STILL are enlisted in the Lord's Army until the conflict is o'er. Focus on the things that you DO have control over and throw yourself at them. In time, something will change - whether it's on your end or hers. Meanwhile, though, you must keep on keepin' on. Don't lose faith, brother.

Section 122

7. ...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
8. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
9. Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

Misshalfway · #4 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 09:07 AM

Hi Sam.

I think your feelings are normal. You are mourning a huge loss and I can imagine that 18 mos of separation could produce some significant sadness. Be gentle and patient and compassionate with yourself. Its ok to struggle with coming to terms. Allow yourself down days as you pass through to healing. It can and will get better. You will start to see the sun again even though your senses are telling you different. You stay in the game for those precious kids! They need their daddy!! And after a time, your heart will again have capacity to love again. Feel the pain but hold on to the hope.

Blessings to you and healing to your deepest most wounded places. You are gonna be ok. And its ok that you aren't ok today.

Mahone · #5 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Finehomes

Sorry to post such a dark topic....its all that I think about lately.

My wife and kids left me a year and a half ago. We are still married but that seems to be coming to an end soon. The problem is I still love my wife and want to be with her. I don't want to lose our eternal marriage. I want my kids to have a complete family.

I feel completely empty and dark inside. Nothing helps. I'm too afraid of dying to do anything about it myself, but I pray every day that God will let me die. I can't think of anything I can do to get rid of this empty feeling. Whenever I am with my kids I tend to cry because they just remind me of her. I have tried everything I can think of to get her to change her mind but she seems to have already made her decision and doesn't care what the rest of us want.

Friends tell me I'll eventually feel better and find someone new. I don't want someone new. She is my best friend and I love being with her.

What can I do? I don't want to die but I don't want to live without my family.

Sam

Some very good advice from misshalfway and others. If it helps in any way at all, you are far from alone in this, a quick search around this forum will show you scores of people all going through similar experiences - and most of the threads contain some very good advice which will also apply to yourself.

You are clearly and understandably depressed. Most people can claim to have experienced depression at a period in their lives, and usually they'll tell you that it can be resolved - but it takes a lot of time, work and requires you to continue with your life pretty much as normal - keep smiling, look after yourself. President Hinckleys advice to work hard really applies with depression. Don't give up; it takes a long time but you will get through it.

Also, as much as you don't want to hear it now, your friends are right. -If- things don't work out between yourself and your wife, you will eventually get over what has happened and move on. It just takes time.

mormonmusic · #6 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 10:03 AM

Finehomes:

To answer your question -- yes -- I too have felt like dying and thought of it as a welcome event at times.

I think you're suffering from depression. I suggest you see a doctor. There is medication for it that will help you snap out of it, and get hope again.

I ran into this about a year ago after a rather unsettling situation happened. For weeks on end I didn't feel like eating, didn't feel like doing anything I enjoyed. My house got messy and I couldn't bring myself to clean it up. And I was suddenly unproductive. I felt completely dark inside and lost my will to live. All I did was sit around and watch movies and occasionally sleep when I got exhausted.

My wife made me go to the doctor, and he prescribed two types of meds -- one as a general stablizer, and another for episodic bouts of depression. After 3 weeks on the meds, I got better. My interest in life and everything returned and I got productive and normal again.

For me, the kicker was acknowledging that I was suffering from depression. I've never thought of myself as somone who needed medication to help me with my mental health. I felt embarrassed and even down on myself for being this way. I've accepted it now, however, and I go back on these meds when I get hit so I can get back to normal.

I suggest you see a doctor and let him know how you're feeling. This might help.

Otherwise, its the regular things for clearing up depression:

a) Exercise
b) Do some selfless service for somebody
c) Clean up your surroundings
d) Think positively, perhaps by keeping a blessing journal where you list the things you're thankful for.
e) Get out and have some fun with some people, or invite people over.
f) Get involved in a hobby you enjoy.....
g) Fast and pray for comfort. I've had burdens lifted that way, when I was younger.

Hope this helps, I feel for you as I've been in your shoes many times....

Finehomes · #7 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 04:48 PM

I've been on lots of different meds and it doesn't make a difference. No medication is going to help when you've lost everything that was important to you. First I lost my family, then my business, then my house, and lastly my car.

I had a brain tumor four years ago and I wish I had just died on the operating table. It would have solved a lot of problems including taking care of my family with the insurance money. I can't seem to do anything right.

pam · #8 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 04:59 PM

I think this situation is far beyond any possible advice any of us can give. Professional help is needed. Not because we don't care..none of us are trained professionals in helping anyone deal with such issues.

Misshalfway · #9 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 05:04 PM

Meds.....They seem like such a slap in the face when you have suffered as you have.

Dying on the table wouldn't have solved anything, but I can see why its a compelling temptation to think that way. Experiencing the losses of a wife and a job and a car......I am not sure that means you can't do anything right. This economy is effecting so many and its no fault of their own.

Maybe this just means that its time for a down turn in your life. Three years ago, I felt like I lost almost everything too. Just in different ways. I am still trying to put the pieces back together. I get sad sometimes. Profoundly sad. So please know you aren't alone. Just the other day, my heart broke a little too deep and an unexpected friend came to throw me a life vest. It's ok to feel the pain and loss and loneliness but don't forget to celebrate your gains even if they are the smallest seemingly insignificant things. Maybe its the way the snow looks on the mountains or the kind "have a good day" from the grocery store clerk. You hang onto those little blessings and remember that God is so intimately aware of you and your needs. He cries with us! He holds us through the darkest of dark nights. We just gotta hang on and let the suffering do what its meant to do.

Hang on Finehomes. Hang on. And know you aren't alone. Remember Job. He lost everything. Perhaps this is your Job season. But remember the end of the story where God restores the blessings. God is good at restoration projects. He is ever so slowly restoring mine and I am no one. I believe you are no different.

It's just about making it through today. Do you journal?

Finehomes · #10 (**permalink**) 11-23-2009, 05:17 PM

I personally don't think God gives a crap about me. I try and do everything right, go to church, go to the temple regularly, read scriptures, etc and yet I have lost everything. I could handle losing everything but my family but I see no reason to keep going without them. She was my best friend. I'd rather be with her than anyone else. I never wanted to do boys night out because I liked being with her more. Coming here was probably a bad idea....just another place to complain about how my life is hell.