Do you have a bestfriend..

[Bini]

.. that is not your spouse?


Before I met my husband, my dearest and closes friend was Cole, who I have always referred to as my bestfriend. I still do on occasion but now for the most part, I label my husband as my bestfriend because he is. It's interesting that some people feel that a bestfriend and spouse can be two different people. What's more interesting is that some of those people believe that their bestfriend's needs are equal to or above their spouse's. I don't get that but I witness that kind of behaviour more often than not. Is there an exception for having a spouse and a bestfriend on the side? Or does having a bestfriend who is not your spouse, automatically equate to a marriage that is falling short somewhere?

[prisonchaplain]

I assumed that the "best friend" would be the same gender as me. The idea of a married person having a best friend of the opposite gender, who is not the spouse, would seem to weaken the marriage relationship--even in the most innocent of cases. After all, if the two are to become one, who's this other?

Ironically, this is how I respond to Christians who want to dabble in such things as eastern meditation. In their minds, meditation is like a spiritual "best friend." Sure, doing so may have benefits, but why not rely on your faith completely, and strengthen that instead?

[Dravin]

Originally Posted by Bini

.. that is not your spouse?


Before I met my husband, my dearest and closes friend was Cole, who I have always referred to as my bestfriend. I still do on occasion but now for the most part, I label my husband as my bestfriend because he is. It's interesting that some people feel that a bestfriend and spouse can be two different people. What's more interesting is that some of those people believe that their bestfriend's needs are equal to or above their spouse's. I don't get that but I witness that kind of behaviour more often than not. Is there an exception for having a spouse and a bestfriend on the side? Or does having a bestfriend who is not your spouse, automatically equate to a marriage that is falling short somewhere?

If we're talking the idea of a 'best friend' whose needs and desires are equal to or above your spouse's then something is wrong. The marriage in general may not be flawed but at least one person in that relationship has an improper understanding. The command to cleave unto your spouse isn't just a euphemism for a sexually exclusive relationship. PC brings up the sex issue, while an opposite sexed 'best friend' brings up the possibly of physical infidelity I don't think that a same sexed 'best friend' is okay either. If you're putting your friend ahead of (or even on par with) your spouse I'm inclined, my own personal opinion, to view it as a form of infidelity regardless of the sex of the individual.

[applepansy]

My best friend is and has always been my spouse. I still refer to him as my boyfriend sometimes.

Once you get married having a best friend other than your spouse seems to cause problems. I can't imagine discussing my life (problems, fun, etc) with anyone else but my boyfriend of almost 36 years.

My answer to your question is no.

[anatess]

My husband is not my best friend. He's my husband. A pedestal a lot higher than my best friend - unique unto him and him alone. I don't have many husbands. I have one. Calling him my best friend is only touching on one aspect of our relationship and excluding the rest. He's my husband. That's that.

I have several best friends. Most of them are guys. I don't see how my best friends would weaken my relationship with my husband. Being best friends doesn't come close to being my husband. None of them is qualified to usurp that husband pedestal.

So yeah, I don't get anything y'all are saying.

[beefche]

What is everyone's definition of "best friend?"

[Bini]

Originally Posted by beefche

What is everyone's definition of "best friend?"

My definition of "bestfriend" is the following..


- Your number one confidante
- Your number one support system
- Your number one Go To person when your world is crashing down


Those are just some of the qualities that I believe a bestfriend entails. And for me, that would be my husband. They are one in the same.

[applepansy]

Originally Posted by Bini

My definition of "bestfriend" is the following..


- Your number one confidante
- Your number one support system
- Your number one Go To person when your world is crashing down


Those are just some of the qualities that I believe a bestfriend entails. And for me, that would be my husband. They are one in the same.

#1 Confidante - my husband
#1 Support System - my husband
#1 Go To Person when my world is crashing - my husband.


Anatess,

My husband is not my best friend. He's my husband. A pedestal a lot higher than my best friend - unique unto him and him alone. I don't have many husbands. I have one. Calling him my best friend is only touching on one aspect of our relationship and excluding the rest. He's my husband. That's that.

I have several best friends. Most of them are guys. I don't see how my best friends would weaken my relationship with my husband. Being best friends doesn't come close to being my husband. None of them is qualified to usurp that husband pedestal.

So yeah, I don't get anything y'all are saying.

My husband is my husband in your definition also. But he's also my best friend and my boyfriend. Our relationship has many many levels and layers.

There is nobody in this world that can be a best friend and a husband except a husband. I don't talk about best friend things outside my marriage because my best friend is my husband. If I'm upset with him and I tell someone else such as my sister, or I post somewhere online that my husband has done something that's made me angry, I've already let him know I'm upset or angry and ofttimes we've already worked it out and I'm just venting. I vent at him too. LOL Poor Guy!

[Eowyn]

Under Bini's definition, my husband is absolutely it.

But I do have a closest girlfriend, who I know I can call for anything, or just to shoot the breeze, and who I can be myself around. It's not the same as the kind of friendship I have with my husband, though.

[anatess]

Originally Posted by Bini

My definition of "bestfriend" is the following..


- Your number one confidante
- Your number one support system
- Your number one Go To person when your world is crashing down


Those are just some of the qualities that I believe a bestfriend entails. And for me, that would be my husband. They are one in the same.

Then we are talking about 2 different things.

I don't have ONE best friend. I have several. My best friends are people who know me so well that when I start yelling, they don't flinch. They know I'm struggling with temper control and would get in the line of fire to help me overcome it. My best friends are those who I can call in the middle of the night when I'm in jail that I can count on will post bail first and ask questions later. My best friends are those who don't take offense with anything I say because they know that even though I made a stupid mistake I will always love them, so they'll just chalk it up to temporary insanity and get in my face until I realize it. My best friends don't get dramatic if I remove them from my Facebook friends. My best friends will sit with me through our 20th viewing of The Avengers if I beg and plead and promise to sit through their 200th viewing of Godzilla. My best friends are privy to my hopes and dreams and desires.

There's a reason I have more guy friends than girl friends. My straight-shooter personality tends to get along better with males than females. I don't have the patience to work through the all-too-common female drama.

When I get myself in a pickle holding on to a rope hanging over a river with 5 hungry nile crocodiles waiting below because a Martian plopped me there... I'm calling either my husband or the best friend who can get there the fastest... You might ask - well, why not just call a regular friend or a stranger for that matter? Well, because neither my husband nor my best friends would take me to the nearest psych ward when I tell them about the Martian. So yeah, either my husband or my best friends can fill that need.

When I need physical affection, I don't call my best friends. That's a higher paygrade than best friends - that's husband paygrade level.

Building my family - that's not for best friends. That's husband paygrade level.

Before I married my husband, I had all these best friends. They didn't stop being my best friends just because I got married. They just know that I have a husband now. A higher level than they are with added qualities. So, my best friends didn't lose qualities. My husband gained more qualities.

Make sense?