Was asked to meet with the Bishop

kartvines · #1 (**permalink**) 12-31-2012, 10:19 AM

Yesterday during Sacrament meeting I was told that the Bishop wanted to meet with me after Priesthood meeting.

When I arrived he told me he wanted to advance me in the Priesthood, and I refused telling him it was my opinion I was not worthy, he seemed a bit confused, and asked me why and I laid it out as simple as I could. He went on to give me a blessing and told me to meet with him any time I felt the need.

He told me that I needed to forgive myself, something I have never been able to do, so I am struggling to allowing myself, I told him sure I have had almost perfect attendance and I do interact in the services but I don't feel the spirit, and to be honest about I have not enjoyed attending because the root cause of my retuning was to try and better myself so I had a chance to be reunited with my deceased wife, after death and to me I felt I was only going through the motions.

Now don't get me wrong I wanted to advance but I view everything in black and white, and if I don't feel myself worthy then ultimately I guess I am a lost cause. He told me to pray and read the scriptures and I would be filled with the spirit, but so far either I am void of this feeling or I am doing something wrong and I don't know how to right it.

pam · #2 (**permalink**) 12-31-2012, 10:24 AM

Sometimes I think that forgiving ourselves is the hardest part of the repentance process. Until we can learn to do that, it's hard to progress and feel that spirit.

I know that is what you are struggling with as you mentioned it. But that is the part that you need to work on.

kartvines · #3 (**permalink**) 12-31-2012, 11:01 AM

Thank you for your feedback, but now at 63, it seem to be the most difficult part of my life, I have held onto so many things that to me is unforgivable in my world of black and white I cant seem to allow myself to get beyond it. So far prayers has not reveal any avenues to begin at, so I feel lost, and hopeless, I hope it comes in time...and my meeting now with 2 different Bishops as not enlighten me, so I hope the last blessing open a crack allowing me to prevail and begin that journey of self forgiveness becuse at 63 I am running out of time

pam · #4 (**permalink**) 12-31-2012, 11:10 AM

I think the quote I posted today fits with your situation:

As you define your goals and plan for their achievement, ponder the thought: The past is behind--learn from it; the future is ahead--prepare for it; the present is here--live in it.

Thomas S. Monson

Just as President Monson states here...the past is behind..learn from it. Then move on. You can't take back what happened in the past..but as long as you have learned from it and know what not to do in the future..prepare for the future and go from there.

There will always be things in my past that I have regret. I can't take it back. But I can't let those things beat me up so much that I can't find joy in the present and in the future. So just let it go and move to the present and the future.

BrendaM · #5 (**permalink**) 12-31-2012, 12:13 PM

kartvines
Don't give up. It is hard to forgive yourself, I know. I commend you for turning down your progression in the priesthood. Most wouldn't.

But know this, feelings of unworthiness are a tool of Satan that will hold you back from your progression. There is nothing you've done that cannot be forgiven through the Atonement. Please don't let the adversary weigh your spirit down. The Lord needs people like you. That have gone through trials, repenting and coming out the other side...a better man....a worthy man to hold the Priesthood. Don't give up.

rameumptom · #6 (**permalink**) 12-31-2012, 12:51 PM

The problem is, you are seeing things in black and white, and the Lord doesn't. God has provided several levels/layers of heaven, just because he sees the shades of gray.
Secondly, you are trying to save yourself. This is why you are not feeling the Spirit. You cannot save yourself, no matter how good you try to be. Only Christ can save you. When you refuse to forgive yourself (or others), you are not allowing Christ to perform his miracle of atonement in your life. You have made yourself judge, rather than turning the case over to Christ to decide.

The things necessary to be saved are: 1. faith in Christ. 2. repent. That is it.

For developing ourselves or becoming Christ-like and preparing for higher levels of glory, we do need to receive ordinances and covenants, and keep them. But even here, Christ knows we are not perfect and bridges the gap where we strive to do what is right.

Unless you are doing serious sins, you need to allow Christ to forgive you. Then believe. Believe that he has removed your sins in his grace. Let him show you how to advance and be sealed to your wife and fill your life with hope of eternal joys and lives.

Finally, ask your bishop if he feels you are worthy. He is the judge in Israel, and is guided by the Spirit on whether Christ has forgiven you or not. I believe he already feels you are ready. He is just waiting for you to also believe it.

skippy740 · #7 (**permalink**) 12-31-2012, 01:17 PM

Believing Christ: A practical approach to the atonement - Stephen E. Robinson

kartvines · #8 (**permalink**) 01-01-2013, 08:15 AM

Thank you all for your feed back I will take it all into consideration and work though it.

Magen_Avot · #9 (**permalink**) 01-11-2013, 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kartvines

Yesterday during Sacrament meeting I was told that the Bishop wanted to meet with me after Priesthood meeting.

When I arrived he told me he wanted to advance me in the Priesthood, and I refused telling him it was my opinion I was not worthy, he seemed a bit confused, and asked me why and I laid it out as simple as I could. He went on to give me a blessing and told me to meet with him any time I felt the need.

He told me that I needed to forgive myself, something I have never been able to do, so I am struggling to allowing myself, I told him sure I have had almost perfect attendance and I do interact in the services but I don't feel the spirit, and to be honest about I have not enjoyed attending because the root cause of my retuning was to try and better myself so I had a chance to be reunited with my deceased wife, after death and to me I felt I was only going through the motions.

Now don't get me wrong I wanted to advance but I view everything in black and white, and if I don't feel myself worthy then ultimately I guess I am a lost cause. He told me to pray and read the scriptures and I would be filled with the spirit, but so far either I am void of this feeling or I am doing something wrong and I don't know how to right it.

kartvines I do apologize for coming in so late on your thread. Life has kept me away for awhile and I've only recently returned.

There has been some good things shared here but I was deeply touched with compassion by what you shared. Not too long ago I realized that I am not "worthy". In fact none of us are... looking at things from the perspective that we are all sinners. Only through the Saviors merits can we be made partakers in Eternal Life. It's really a matter of inching down that path that leads to Him, and at times it's all out war for just an inch. I know what it feels like to feel a void when trying to pray and like I'm just going through the motions. Where do you start? How do you get out of the rut?

For me, one day I expressed my concerns in prayer, driving down the highway over several days and finally asked "why He stayed with me on this journey of misery". Eventually, I felt Him answering through the still small voice but I wouldn't let Him answer. I held on to my own feelings of unworthiness and kept talking. He suddenly poured His love into my heart. It was such an over whelming feeling that changed my life from that moment. I know He loves me,... I really KNOW He loves me, and because of that I know,... I really KNOW He loves you too. As I look back, I realize I could not see where the change or difference lay in the path ahead of me. It came at a moment when I was ready and it took a great deal of continuous and relentless praying and agonizing self introspection before it happened.

I still don't believe any of us are worthy in and of ourselves, but through Christ, we can be. All you can do is walk that path set by Him, pray continually, repent, ask out loud in private for those things you desire but feel unworthy of. Ask for the ability to forgive yourself. Tell Him and keep telling Him. Work out your salvation with Him and that point of turning will come. Well, what ever your questions, desires and hopes are... lay them at His feet. His blessings for you are waiting, I know it. I waited 52 years to find Him unlike any moment of my life before and I know you can. It's not about advancing in the Priesthood, it's about you and your relationship with your Lord and Master and He's there for you.

I hope that wasn't over the top. I just wish His blessings to find you,... and you Him. Don't give up.

Brother_Anon · #10 (**permalink**) 01-11-2013, 05:21 PM

And don't forget the Lord's instruction:

"I, the, Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (D&C 64:10)

We often just focus on how this applies to forgiving others, but it also commands us to forgive ourselves, something a lot of people struggle with.