Help with member visits

[scdoyle]

I am a recently called 2nd counselor in the EQ presidency in our ward. One of the first things we are trying to do is to go visit inactive and less-active members. However, I am really uncomfortable going to people's houses and stricking up conversation about the church. I am a convert (got baptised when I was 29) and never served a mission so I never got that kind of experience. I just don't know how to approach these people. I don't want to look like a dork and say something lame. If anyone can give me some suggestions how to get over my "fear" I would greatly appreciate it.

Steve

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Here's a common experience:

"Hi there, I'm bro so-and-so from the church. We see that you're still listed on our records, but we haven't seen you around lately, so we're stopping by to see how you are doing."

"Oh, um... yeah... Um, ... we've been kinda busy lately..." [eyes shift around, as if looking for an escape]

"Oh yeah - I sure know how that is. But don't worry, we're not here to give you a hard sales pitch. We'd just like to invite you out to church. Do you know where the building is?"

"Oh yeahyeahyeah." [Thinks hard for a minute] "Actually, we don't like... really go anymore... So you can like take us off your, um, list..."

"Oh - well, I'm sorry to hear that. And I respect your choice in the matter. I don't have the authority to remove your name from church records, but our Bishop does. There's a process we have to follow. You could write him a letter, or even come and see him..."

"Yeah, I'll do that, thanks. Well, thanks for your time. Thanks for the visit, but I've got to get back to... you know... this thing I got going." [He gestures towards the TV, and then looks embarassed as it dawns on him how lame that looks.]

"Sure - thanks for your time. And if you ever change your mind, just remember, our door is always open. Sacrament meeting is at 9."

[6 months go by - no letter, no mtg with the bishop, and the next set of mormons stop by to see how he's doing.]

Basically, you don't need to feel uncomfortable. You're NOT a salesman, and you're NOT a missionary. By their own choice, they keep their names on the records of the church. At one point in time, they entered the waters of baptism, and entered into covenants. And until such time they remove their name, they're part of the flock, and the Bishop is commanded to watch over the flock, and he is getting help from you to do it. At another point, they were ordained to whatever office they were ordained to. That may not mean anything to them right now, but it means something to God.

Your job is to just maintain contact. To let them know there's an open door and a friendly handshake waiting for them. There are endless reasons why people don't go to church. They don't believe. They're lazy. They're sinning. They're afraid of being judged. They're apathetic. It's not your job to fix any of that, or even figure out what it is, unless they mention it and ask for help. It's your job to let a little of Christ's love shine through you, and extend a hand of fellowship.

Then again, there's the other tactic:

"Hi there. I'm from the church. Here's a request for name removal form, and a tithing envelope. We don't really care what you send back, just send something."

LM

[the_jason]

There's nothing you need to do other than be yourself, express your love for them, and bear your testimony. You don't need to know all of the answers. We're commanded to visit our brothers and sisters and see to their needs, but we are not commanded to get them to return to the gospel, for it's not our choice but theirs. We are servants of the Lord and should conduct ourselves as such, but only the Spirit will convert them, not us.

In short, don't think of visiting less active members as a daunting task. Your job is simple: visit and testify. The rest is up to them and the Lord.

[NateHowe]

This is an excellent talk which includes an excellent example of how to conduct such a visit: LDS.org - Ensign Article - And Nothing Shall Offend Them

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

Then again, there's the other tactic:

"Hi there. I'm from the church. Here's a request for name removal form, and a tithing envelope. We don't really care what you send back, just send something." LM

I like this one the best!

[Elphaba]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

Here's a common experience:

Speaking as an ex-member, here is another common experience:

"Hi there, I'm bro so-and-so from the church. We see that you're still listed on our records, but we haven't seen you around lately, so we're stopping by to see how you are doing."

“I‘m sorry, did you call before coming over tonight? (Calls out to husband: “Honey, did anyone from the LDS church call and tell us they were going to come over tonight?” Husband replies from another room, "No, they didn’t.”

Wife says “Why would you think you can just show up at my door without having called me first?

"Oh, um... no. Um, ... Sorry about that, but we really need to talk to you . . . We knew you wouldn’t mind because this is so important. . . “[eyes shift around, as if looking for the perfect moment to interject his important message when he is stunned by her next remark . . .]

"Well I do mind because it is rude.

“Oh yeahyeahyeah.“ [Thinks hard for a minute] “I do apologize. But it appears your name is still on the roles, and so I wanted you to know that we still care about you and that we’d just like to invite you out to church. Do you know where the building is?

Woman laughs. “You can’t be serious? I haven’t attended your church for a long long time. There’s a reason for that, and it’s not because I was offended, or because I wanted to sin, or because I’m lazy, or any of the other reasons people who leave your Church are branded with.

"I left because I don’t believe in it. And I want nothing more to do with it, so I would really appreciate it if you would honor my request and not visit me anymore. "

"Please let all appropriate parties know I do not want to be contacted ever again."

"Oh - well, I'm sorry to hear that. And I respect your choice in the matter. I don't have the authority to remove your name from church records, but our Bishop does. There's a process we have to follow. You could write him a letter, or even come and see him..."

“I’m sorry, you seem to have misunderstood me. Your procedures mean nothing to me. I no longer believe in your church and have asked you not to contact me any more. That is all I need to do. I don’t care if I am on your records or not. That is your policy issue, not mine. "

All I am obligated to say to you is for you, as a representative of your church, to stop contacting me, and to communicate the same to other appropriate representatives. That is all I need to do."

"Yeah, I'll do that, thanks. [thinking the reason this family doesn't go to church is because the woman is too uppity, and doesn't allow the man to be the head of the household].

"Well, thanks for your time. Thanks for the visit, but I've got to get back to... you know... this thing I got going." [He gestures towards his car, and then looks embarassed as it dawns on him how lame that looks.]

"And if you ever change your mind, just remember, our door is always open. Sacrament meeting is at 9." She looks at him wondering if he is deaf, or perhaps developmentally impaired. It even dawns on her that he's not used to women speaking to him like she has, especially in Provo, Utah!

[6 months go by - and the next set of mormons stop by to see how she's doing. She threatens legal action if it happens again. It doesn‘t happen again.]

Basically, you don't need to feel uncomfortable. You're NOT a salesman, and you're NOT a missionary. By their own choice, they keep their names on the records of the church. At one point in time, they entered the waters of baptism, and entered into covenants. And until such time they remove their name, they're part of the flock, and the Bishop is commanded to watch over the flock, and he is getting help from you to do it. At another point, they were ordained to whatever office they were ordained to. That may not mean anything to them right now, but it means something to God.

Your job is to just maintain contact. To let them know there's an open door and a friendly handshake waiting for them. There are endless reasons why people don't go to church. They don't believe. They're lazy. They're sinning. They're afraid of being judged. They're apathetic. It's not your job to fix any of that, or even figure out what it is, unless they mention it and ask for help. It's your job to let a little of Christ's love shine through you, and extend a hand of fellowship.

All of the above applies if the person is open to it. However, if the person is not, all he/she has to do is say so. There is NO obligation to have his/her name removed from the rolls. That is the Church’s policy; however, legally all the person has to do is say he/she is no longer a member, period.

Also, a word of advice: Your caricature of the non-active member is trite and, in a significant number of cases, far from the truth. You have no way of knowing the myriad of reasons someone goes inactive and rather than assuming you do, you’d do well to admit you don’t and leave it at that.

Then again, there's the other tactic:

"Hi there. I'm from the church. Here's a request for name removal form, and a tithing envelope. We don't really care what you send back, just send something."

Now that one is funny!

I know my post sounds like the "bitter ex-Mormon." I promise you that is not me. My purpose is to provide perspective to your post that includes so many thought-stopping cliches. Going inactive, for many people, is far more complicated, and agonizing, than you seem to realize.

Elphaba

[dotyaaron]

Originally Posted by scdoyle

I am a recently called 2nd counselor in the EQ presidency in our ward. One of the first things we are trying to do is to go visit inactive and less-active members. However, I am really uncomfortable going to people's houses and stricking up conversation about the church. I am a convert (got baptised when I was 29) and never served a mission so I never got that kind of experience. I just don't know how to approach these people. I don't want to look like a dork and say something lame. If anyone can give me some suggestions how to get over my "fear" I would greatly appreciate it.

Steve

Steve, First of all you're not there to sell. You're there to invite and fellowshhip. Start off by talking about anything but the church. Then when everyone is comfortable, ask them if they would like to come out or leave by saying "Well we'd like to let you know what time church is in case you'd like to meet me there. It's at 9 am over on 12345 Anywhere street. Do you know where that's at? Good. Maybe we'll see you there."

Remember, don't make it hard and be yourself. (I never went on a mission and that always works for me. I have been in the EQ twice now and am a Ward Missionary for the 2nd time.)