Flat Home Teaching

[FamilyHistoryGeek]

When I go home teaching, it is very awkward. I can't get the couple that I teach to talk. They always say there are no problems, yet I know they have at least one inactive daughter, and the husband's father recently passed away. I had to hear of it from other people. I first thought it was me, they didn't trust me or something. I even talked to them about it, I talked to the HP group leader about it. .... I just don't get it.

And there are my home teachers. They come and give a lesson. But there really isn't a connection. They ask if I need anything and if I say yes, they tell me where to go or who to ask for help.

Where is the bonding and friendship that is supposed to happen? I go so that I can say I got it done, because my efforts to do what I understand is my assignment are me t with apathy.

I suspect this is common. What are your experiences?

[Gwen]

take em cookies? sorry i know you wanted real answers. here we are a very small branch so it's typically really friendly with the actives and very awkward with the inactives...............well that's VT, not sure how the HT feel lol though the HT have brought cookies before. lol

[skalenfehl]

When I go home teaching I always make it a point to get to know the person or family better and learn about them, help where necessary if I can. You gotta be able to build a relationship and by that I mean a relationship of trust. Find common ground and build on that. Be tuned in to their potential needs. It all begins with service.

Sometimes if you catch them outside pulling their weeds you can swing by and say hello and strike up a small conversation and just start helping. It's always a little awkward at first but that's called breaking the ice. After a few visits or a few months of being comfortable around each other and they know you genuinely care about them they will begin to open up. That's when the Spirit can really come in. Bringing cookies or a fresh baked loaf of bread is a nice treat too.

Another thing that really works and I kid you not is to sincerely pray on your own for opportunities to build that relationship. Before you know it, you'll catch them at the store with more groceries than they can handle and might need an extra hand carrying them to the car. That was just an example, maybe not good but simple enough to illustrate my point. The Lord will create those opportunities if you seek them. You're doing His work and He will do what is needed for you to accomplish His work. I promise you.

[Elgama]

Originally Posted by Gwen

take em cookies? sorry i know you wanted real answers. here we are a very small branch so it's typically really friendly with the actives and very awkward with the inactives...............well that's VT, not sure how the HT feel lol though the HT have brought cookies before. lol

LOL thats what my husband and his companion do they take flowers, cookies or to one sister Mushrooms or Strawberries. It is very VT but it works they also go dressed to work and say they are ready and what would their family like them to do, the message is important but takes second place to knowing the family they try to teach it through actions instead of words and every so often they forget it altogether and play a game with one of the kids in the family or if one of their families is missing on a Sunday they either call or send a card etc You could also get them to fill in a questionairre of likes and dislikes etc

Concerning mine I can count on one hand the HT visits I have had, but I invite them for dinner if they are visiting as often its a long night and it gives them extra time, and chance to unwind, maybe you could invite them to FHE? Send them a thank you note, remember birthdays, ask them what you can do to help

-Charley

[MorningStar]

My bishop pointed out something interesting. Sometimes if a man has worthiness issues, he will be a very mediocre home teacher because he doesn't want to be called on to give a blessing and condemn himself by giving one unworthily. That could be one possibility.

You never know what is going on in someone's life. One of our home teachers doesn't come visit because he has been very wrapped up in his problems, which is understandable. He was arrested for domestic violence and his life and family are falling apart. I can't really expect him to focus on anyone else when he's trying to resolve his issues.

I've had a mix of home teachers. One time we weren't visited for over a year, then we had great, consistent home teachers I knew I could call on. Years ago, we had this home teacher who wouldn't leave. He worked out of the home and I think he just enjoyed the break. I started making him desserts and stuff because I figured we might as well entertain him. We would plan well around his visits. "Hmm. If we want to make sure we can watch Malcolm in the Middle at 8, we better have him come at 5:30." Even when there was a pause in the conversation, he didn't show any sign of leaving. But you can bet I knew I could ask him for help when I needed it! We still crack up about that. He was pretty awesome.

[WillowTheWhisp]

At present in our Stake it is only policy to visit less actives. That can make it quite a difficult task because you're never really sure if they actually want you there or not. I feel that getting to know them for who they are what their lives are liek is more valid than trying to give them a Gospel message.

I've very rarely had HT or VT myself and currently being married to a non-member I could do with having a priesthood holder who I knew I could call on if needed but that's just the way it is at the moment. Thankfully I do have friends in the Ward and there is a lot of love and support between members which makes up for not having VTs and HTs.

[lilered]

If I may? let me offer the following perspective concerning Home Teaching:
I view Home Teaching as a great responsiblity and opportunity to be Christlike here on earth.
To be a good hometeacher - Pray (in car) prior to entering each families house. Go every month. Show an interest in each family member (ask them questions etc.) send birthday cards, etc..
If you have a garden, take them something from it. If you grow flower, take them some. If you bake cookies, send them over some. This is how you break the ice and start to build a relationship. If they live in the neighborhood, take a walk by their house and hopefully stop and talk if you see them. Have a hamburger fry and invite all your families to come. In short, make the effort to get to know them.
Sometimes, if we are looking for volunteers to do a service project I will swing by and ask the male members if they can go with me and help for a bit. Anything to spend some time to get to know them and them to know me/companion. Look for chances to help them anyway they need it. If one of the family is in the hospital, go see them. Offer to give them a blessing if needed. Once they accept you, feel comfortable around you, then they will start to trust you, they will start to open up a bit and let you be of more assistance.

If your Home Teachers are mediocore at best. Then I suggest, involving them more in your life by suggesting they come prepared to talk on a certain subject you need help on during their next visit. Give you or a member of their family a blessing if needed. Call them up and ask them for some help on a project. Confide in the Sr. member when the opportunity arises where you could use his advice or help with a child or other home or priesthood problem.

I have been a Home Teacher to families that were totally inactive, abused the word of wisdom, etc. but have found that if I prayed for help, approached them in a non-judgmental way, I could eventually improve our relationship to at least the point where they were comfortable in having us come and allow us to then give them a message. When this happens we didn't just read the message, but engaged the family in a discussion. Sometimes this takes a lot of effort and time. But remember the parable about the "Lost Sheep". The reward is worth it.

At present, we just got an inactive person to start attending church 2 months ago. He lived in our ward 7 years. Never had a Home Teacher assigned to him by our ward until my compainion and I were. He never attended our ward during the 7 years .. We visited him for two years and finally starting 2 months ago, he started going to church with us, except for 1 week he was sick. His last big hurdle (excuse)was he didn't have enough money to afford gas to go to church. (He lives about 50 minutes from church). We now pick him up, bring him to church, and take him home. Sure it takes us 2 hours longer on Sunday, but it is worth it to see him get reacquainted with the church and God. My next step is to start calling on him to go with me to bless the sick or go to a ward function etc.. Meanwhile I talked with the HP Group Leader and the Bishop to see if the ward can't help him out at least to the point that he will have suffiecent monies to purchase gas to come to church by himself, when the time comes. Meanwhile we will continue to pick him up and bring him so that he will get in the habit of attending every Sunday until such time as he will be strong enough to do it on his own.

When we were assigned the 5 families 2 years ago, none were active at all. We now have been blessed to be involved sufficently with 2 families to aid in their reactivation. Our goal in 2008, to now get the remaining 3 families reactivated. One of which is 82 yrs old and in a rest home.
Prayer mixed with elbow grease works wonders.

[utcowboy]

That is awesome lilered, I've just become reactive in the last year and I find it funny that my Elders Qurom Pres. keeps giving me inactive families. I guess that its my fault though, we were having a discussion one day and he asked me how I'd approach inactives or nonmembers. I told him pretty much what you have said and now at least two of my families are inactive. I'm hoping to get to know them and help them come back to church. They are both very nice and welcoming so I really don't think I've got that far to go.....

[lilered]

Originally Posted by utcowboy

That is awesome lilered, I've just become reactive in the last year and I find it funny that my Elders Qurom Pres. keeps giving me inactive families. I guess that its my fault though, we were having a discussion one day and he asked me how I'd approach inactives or nonmembers. I told him pretty much what you have said and now at least two of my families are inactive. I'm hoping to get to know them and help them come back to church. They are both very nice and welcoming so I really don't think I've got that far to go.....

utcowboy: view it as an opportunity and a challenge for you to grow and in so doing, be of service to others. I promise you that if your motives are sincere, your heart right with god, and you pray, good things will happen. If nothing else, your example will help some future person to bring them back into activity and the joy and happiness that comes with obeying the commandments.

[avatar4321]

You got to show the people you care. Otherwise it doesnt matter what you say.