VTing drop-off gifts

Misshalfway · #1 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 04:02 PM

Ok. So does anyone ever feel weird about those little gifts we give each other during VTing visits?

Maybe no one here thinks that a small gesture such as a bottle of cheap lotion or a cutely decorated paper pad might be insulting. And for the most part I would agree that giving someone a little something to say you care should be fairly benign and relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

I guess I just have an issue with it because I feel pressure to produce one each month. Other times, I feel like the cute thingy is all the love that is really shared as your VTer avoids talking to you if they accidentally run into you at the grocery store.

I mean, isn't or shouldn't the way we care for and about each other be deeper than a gesture? Shouldn't the measure of whether or not people know we care about them be more about the difference we are making, not how proficient we are at social niceities?

I don't know. I guess I'd rather have a friend than a way too cutsie bookmark and all the pretense that surrounds it.

WmLee · #2 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 04:15 PM

Some people are not 'people persons' and the best they can do, for now, is something like simply dropping something off. Some people have touble making 'little talk' and the best they can do, to make a personal contact, is a card or a candle or a littel gift of some sort. I have home taught people that are not the sit down and chat kind-a people. if there is something they need me to know they will tell me and then move on. I can try to chat at church or at the store, once tried to make a little conversation while we were waiting for the barbar. But he wasn't a talking kind-a guy. It was as if he didn't know me.
One day he heard I was hurt at work. He showed up at the hospital and asked if he could do anything. I told him I was his home teacher and I was suppose to look after him, not him after me. he said, "Oh, I thought we were friends".
He and his wife drove almost 90 miles to my work to get my car, then drove it to my house for me. He still doesn't talk much, but he taught me a lot!

Gwen · #3 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 04:18 PM

must be a custom in your area.... here we don't do it to that extreme. on occasion if someone is baking goodies anyway (like the holidays) they will bring something by... or if we made something in enrichment and the person couldn't come they will make them one and drop it off.

pam · #4 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 04:18 PM

I don't see a need to take something each and every visit. Only on special occasions such as birthday or Christmas or other holiday you feel you would like to do something for.

Jenamarie · #5 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 04:32 PM

Thankfully that is not the norm here. I rarely recieve anything fom my HT's or VT's unless there's a birthday or a new baby, or they had extra goodies in their house.

Soul_Searcher · #6 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 04:34 PM

We are not like u Americans over here lol. I have maybe recieved one gift from VTers in my whole life and that was a Christmas. If they cant make it that month they just ring and say sorry I cant. Im the same. End of lol.

Generally_Me · #7 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 04:37 PM

I have only made one VT visit so far, and since it was rather monumental (for me anyhow) I brought a bundt. My VTers never brought me cutesy things, honestly the most meaningful visit for me was when I was inactive and they visited anyway, they found out I had my wisdom teeth pulled and asked if they could bring their husbands over to give me a blessing. So I hear the "I'd rather have a friend" you were saying in the OP.

Wingnut · #8 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 05:17 PM

I think it's a Utah thing. Personally, though, I like it. I think it shows that someone cared enough to take time to make it. I wish I took the time to make reminder/giveaway things more often.

annamaureen · #9 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 06:06 PM

In my old singles ward, my visiting teachers would just leave a cutesy post-it on my door or a little bag of candies or something. While I know that sometimes people get busy and that's all we can do, this happened every single month. I would have preferred their friendship and fellowship. It was a time in my life where I really could have used it.

Misshalfway · #10 (**permalink**) 10-28-2009, 06:26 PM

I definitely think that it shows that someone cares......except when I don't.

I am glad to hear that this might be a little cultural habit and not the norm everywhere. I frankly would rather receive a gesture because it means something. Not just the gesture over guilt for not having time to give a gesture! Or using it in place of real caring. If it accompanies real caring, then its good.