Women Vs. Men

[CourtneyP]

I think that many of us arefmailiar with the different roles that women and men have in the church. But it is so defined at home? Are families who have stay-at-home dads and working moms looked down upon because their roles are not traditional?

This is a question from my husband actually, because we have plans for him to be a stay home dad when this baby comes. Honestly, I make more than he does and it's financially smarter for him to quit work instead of me. He wonders if he will be shunned as a house husband instead of a working man by people in the church.

[fish4kitty]

I think that many of us arefmailiar with the different roles that women and men have in the church. But it is so defined at home? Are families who have stay-at-home dads and working moms looked down upon because their roles are not traditional?

This is a question from my husband actually, because we have plans for him to be a stay home dad when this baby comes. Honestly, I make more than he does and it's financially smarter for him to quit work instead of me. He wonders if he will be shunned as a house husband instead of a working man by people in the church.[/b]

Shoot no!!!He's my new hero...I'm not joking either. A man can do a great job of raising children and the bond they will share will be unbelieveable. Tradition has nothing to do with good common sense. Good for you both !!!


f4k

[ztodd]

There's good reason for tradition sometimes though. Counsel from the brethren is that the husband's responsibility is to provide financially, and women's primary responsibility is to nurture the family. But if it works out the other way around for a time, I don't think that's bad.

[Canuck Mormon]

I think that many of us arefmailiar with the different roles that women and men have in the church. But it is so defined at home? Are families who have stay-at-home dads and working moms looked down upon because their roles are not traditional?

This is a question from my husband actually, because we have plans for him to be a stay home dad when this baby comes. Honestly, I make more than he does and it's financially smarter for him to quit work instead of me. He wonders if he will be shunned as a house husband instead of a working man by people in the church.[/b]

He shouldn't, but probably will. Or maybe the other way around. Maybe you'll be shunned. My wife, who works, doesn't feel like she "fits in" in our new ward because 99% of the Relief Society are stay at home Mom's. It's sad, but it happens.

[Dr. Mom]

He shouldn't, but probably will. Or maybe the other way around. Maybe you'll be shunned. My wife, who works, doesn't feel like she "fits in" in our new ward because 99% of the Relief Society are stay at home Mom's. It's sad, but it happens.[/b]

My husband is SUPER DAD. I am carrying 21 credits in pre-med and he works from home and helps TREMENDOUSLY with the kids. Nothing wrong with it at all. I think if you are able to keep the commandments and be temple worthy, who should care which one of you works and which one stays home? That's like being picky over which night is best for sex....NOT OUR BUSINESS!

[Canuck Mormon]

My husband is SUPER DAD. I am carrying 21 credits in pre-med and he works from home and helps TREMENDOUSLY with the kids. Nothing wrong with it at all. I think if you are able to keep the commandments and be temple worthy, who should care which one of you works and which one stays home? That's like being picky over which night is best for sex....NOT OUR BUSINESS![/b]

When Me and my ex had my son, I was the one who stayed home for a little while. I wasn't active at the time, but even then, I still felt a stigma when I told people that I stayed home. I'm not saying it's right, but it does happen.

[DrewM]

I think that many of us arefmailiar with the different roles that women and men have in the church. But it is so defined at home? Are families who have stay-at-home dads and working moms looked down upon because their roles are not traditional?

This is a question from my husband actually, because we have plans for him to be a stay home dad when this baby comes. Honestly, I make more than he does and it's financially smarter for him to quit work instead of me. He wonders if he will be shunned as a house husband instead of a working man by people in the church.[/b]

This is what the Church says:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed. (The Family A Proclamation to the World)[/b]

Obviously, the Spirit should dictate above all what any individual or family does.

But notwithstanding those things which are written, it always has been given to the elders of my church from the beginning, and ever shall be, to conduct all meetings as they are directed and guided by the Holy Spirit. (D&C 46:2)[/b]

I think this principle is applicable to all aspects of our life. Whatever God commands is right. On one occasion he said "thou shalt not kill." On another he said "thou shalt utterly destroy." etc, etc However, generally, God doesn't make lots of exceptions to the rule. Some people think they are ALWAYS the exception.

[LdsNana]

I think that many of us arefmailiar with the different roles that women and men have in the church. But it is so defined at home? Are families who have stay-at-home dads and working moms looked down upon because their roles are not traditional?

This is a question from my husband actually, because we have plans for him to be a stay home dad when this baby comes. Honestly, I make more than he does and it's financially smarter for him to quit work instead of me. He wonders if he will be shunned as a house husband instead of a working man by people in the church.[/b]

CourtneyP,

This is actually quite tough. The fact that you are counseling with others is a good thing because it means that you are aware of the issues that you are dealing with and most likely the challenges that you face.

Mormon Culture is real and powerful in our lives. It affects our happiness, because we desire to be accepted within the system and yet still have autonomy to make personal choices without feeling judged "wrong" because we may choose something out of the norm. So we worry that one false move could change how we are seen within the group, therefore finding ourselves quickly outside the fence. Unfortunately our worries are valid because more than likely we have watched it happen to someone we know?

The lds Saints are great at stereo-typing ourselves and enjoying being stuck in one place. We are very uncomfortable when someone gets even a foot out of the "stuck" and sees a different way than we have been doing it all these years. After all, there is only one way and that is the Lord's way... so WHAT are You thinking? LOL The first reaction is to be critical of those doing IT different that the rest... or the ONE way. Oh how we love to judge, we lds.

Funny as this seems and stupid as it is, this is OUR reality as members of ZION. Thus the Three-fold Mission of the Church and here we focus on the "Perfecting of the Saints".

If you get the go ahead, that for your family this is right-on with the Lord and you feel that you can endure these fallible and imperfect siblings of ours... then by all means do it. But only if you realize that it is your job to help others LEARN that this is a positive way to DO IT. No perfection required, but confidence is important in your choice to move forward.

I personally believe that when people are comfortable, non-defensive and actually embrace those around them who may be critical or uncomfortable with us, we are able to bridge barriers that could easily be built otherwise and separate us from those that we are meant to be near.

Seeing as you are in a sense, switching the traditional roles within the lds culture, you and your husband will need to make extra effort to STAY connected to your ward brothers and sisters, so that YOU and them do not separate each other from one another.

And probably the very best tool you could apply would be a lot of humor. So laugh at the differences in all of US!

[AutumnBreez]

Think that if he is mature and not ego tripping.... good at keeping house and cooking, you will be able to come home from work and not have to do anything except focus on your husband and child in a wonderful nurturing way. Nurturing with no added background noise of cleaning, etc. If he wants to take a part time job or school to keep him in job skill/man check it may not be bad either. Just a couple of days a week for a few hours.

Otherwise pray and listen for the still voice.

[Garden Girl]

Our bishop (up until about 4 months ago) of several years was a stay-at-home dad... he had made a bundle in the tech industry so he took the opportunity to be home with his children. His wife went to work for a realtor. He just recently accepted an offer he couldn't refuse from his old company and they have now moved, where he will return to work and she will now stay home again. He said that those years with his children were priceless...

Garden Girl