marriage

[celticgirl2000]

How do I restore the love back in our marriage after a affair?

[jadams_4040]

Originally Posted by celticgirl2000

How do I restore the love back in our marriage after a affair?

Oh thats a very easy question! {sorry} Well this is indeed a very tuff question for anyone, and can only be answered by the married couple with help and guidance from God. And especially this church and a Good bishopric or stake president, Personally if it were my marriage i dont know how it could happen except before anything there would have to be complete unabashed and very sincere honesty between the couple, Then follow churchs counsel. May God bless those involved, especially if children are involved. I will say a prayer for your concerns right now. and i hope and pray that my words have not offended anyone.

[bbbrhatt]

If you both truely love each other then, you ask why this happened? What was it that cause one of you to turn away from the other, then fix it...The gospel tll us that we must forgive all men or women, as for God he will forgive whom he will, but we have to forgive...now for humans this sometimes is a problem beause the advisary will always try his best to bring up the thing that has happened so you need to be aware of that..but truely forgive...the one who has done this deed needs to get right with the lord then they will have to forgive them selves...if this does not happen then it will continue to be hard... Prayer is the other way to keep going, family prayer is also one of the most stongest tools that can be used it puts the family in the same mind set that they need to beable to forgive and stay strong...just know that every thing is possible if you keep the gospel in your life, it might not be as easy as others seem to live but it will be a part of your eternal life and that is for the most part what we are here on earth for...

[Mahonri]

I've seen this situation too many times than I would like to have seen it.

Without any details, it's hard to give advise.

I do know of one situation where the husband messed up and came back with a very repentant heart but the wife just would never forgive him. He has held in there strong for almost 20 years now.

Of course, every situation is different. God bless the parties as they come to understand Our Saviour's love and what true repentance and true forgiveness is all about.

[MamaTeddyBear]

I am not sure about any advice being the perfect answer. Though first and most important from my viewpoint is do both parties in this marriage want to work on restoring the marriage. If the answer to this is yes, then comes the next step working on trust issues. Bringing back the love will only happen after trust can be reestablished. Somewhere in here you have to talk to your bishop and see if he can offer you some guidance, in some areas the Church social services can be of help too. Also you both would have to pray together very regularily to get through this. Lots of individual prayer through out each day. For the one that wasn't straying...pray for understanding, compassion, forgiveness etc. For the one that made the mistake maybe pray for understanding of where your companion is coming from about trusting you, pray for patience because it will take your companion what will seem a long time to rebuild the trust. For both of you work daily on trust. One to keep giving the other reasons to trust you..for the other to try and trust. All of this is going to be very hard but if your love and marriage are worth it to you you can make this succeed. Once you can trust each other love can start growing, in fact it often will grow along with the trust. Build Trust and love will start to follow. Oh and also I almost forgot ...Ask Heavenly Father for His forgiveness too. Because trust with Him was broken too.
hopefully this will help
MamaTeddyBear

[Argentina84]

Work hard to restore your mutual confidence. That's key important.

[Marsha8]

Originally Posted by MamaTeddyBear

I am not sure about any advice being the perfect answer. Though first and most important from my viewpoint is do both parties in this marriage want to work on restoring the marriage. If the answer to this is yes, then comes the next step working on trust issues. Bringing back the love will only happen after trust can be reestablished. Somewhere in here you have to talk to your bishop and see if he can offer you some guidance, in some areas the Church social services can be of help too. Also you both would have to pray together very regularily to get through this. Lots of individual prayer through out each day. For the one that wasn't straying...pray for understanding, compassion, forgiveness etc. For the one that made the mistake maybe pray for understanding of where your companion is coming from about trusting you, pray for patience because it will take your companion what will seem a long time to rebuild the trust. For both of you work daily on trust. One to keep giving the other reasons to trust you..for the other to try and trust. All of this is going to be very hard but if your love and marriage are worth it to you you can make this succeed. Once you can trust each other love can start growing, in fact it often will grow along with the trust. Build Trust and love will start to follow. Oh and also I almost forgot ...Ask Heavenly Father for His forgiveness too. Because trust with Him was broken too.
hopefully this will help
MamaTeddyBear

You are very smart.

[Misshalfway]

I heard once that if the offending party truly understands and hears the depth of the pain and betrayal and even listen to the anger of their partner, that it really helps the healing process. I think if defensiveness happens then the process of building trust is compromised. So, if that person can get humble and empathetic and really tune in and listen and validate, then I have heard it said that healing happens a lot faster.

[cgrantreed]

Originally Posted by Misshalfway

I heard once that if the offending party truly understands and hears the depth of the pain and betrayal and even listen to the anger of their partner, that it really helps the healing process. I think if defensiveness happens then the process of building trust is compromised. So, if that person can get humble and empathetic and really tune in and listen and validate, then I have heard it said that healing happens a lot faster.

You heard right. Its a very painful experience and its enough to drop you to your knees in merciful groveling if the heart is repentant enough. First hand experience here... Thank God for mercy. Its a slow mo movie of every misdeed that you have committed with the soundtrack of a broken heart playing in the background. It is beyond humbling... and when your spouse refuses to care what you are feeling, that magnifies it 1000 times.

My suggestion: Buy 2 copies of Miracle of Forgiveness and both of you sit and read them together. That will bring you both to the same level in your lives and then you need counseling if you can afford it, or if the LDS social services is close by the church may pay for it if you need the help. Don't give up... its a lot of work... but its worth it in the end if both of you are willing to commit to the end. Read my blog on love... titled "I'm sorry, I had to repost this" a couple of pages back in the blogs. I posted it today. This is what I learned from my experiences...but its only MHO.

Grant

[Flyonthewall]

There is no magic answer to this and I am no expert, however, I know it can be done.
My in-laws went through some infidelity when my wife was a teenager. I don't know all the details, but by the time I met my wife, they had a solid marriage and strong testimonies of Christ.
Both parties have to be willing to make it work, and do everything it requires to do so.
It's a hard road to travel down, but from what I have seen, it's well worth it.