In love with an inactive member?

lizinginholland · #1 (**permalink**) 03-07-2009, 01:49 AM

so..the title says it all. but i don't want to start anything with him unless he's active again..how can i help him?

gabelpa · #2 (**permalink**) 03-07-2009, 02:39 AM

Do you know why he's inactive,and if he's interested in coming back to activity? I think what he needs more than a love, is a friend who is willing to help him back to activity, if that is what he wants.

Hemidakota · #3 (**permalink**) 03-07-2009, 03:04 AM

How true....

GingerGolden · #4 (**permalink**) 03-07-2009, 06:24 AM

Yes, be his friend.
Pray for Him.
Pray for Yourself
Pray Together

Invite him to Church activities.
Institute class
And if you do decide to go out with him, make sure it is in a group setting and just go as friends.
Church dances, sports activities and so on.

Also, if there are FHE for YA's those are good for both of you.

Godless · #5 (**permalink**) 03-07-2009, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizinginholland

how can i help him?

The mindset that he needs "help" probably isn't a healthy one, depending on the situation. If he has no interest in coming back to church, then I'd suggest accepting the fact that he's made that decision. You can still invite him to church activities and such, but don't push the issue too much. Trust me, it won't do any good.

Palerider · #6 (**permalink**) 03-07-2009, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godless

The mindset that he needs "help" probably isn't a healthy one, depending on the situation. If he has no interest in coming back to church, then I'd suggest accepting the fact that he's made that decision. You can still invite him to church activities and such, but don't push the issue too much. Trust me, it won't do any good.

what he said.....and just be a friend....

Islander · #7 (**permalink**) 03-07-2009, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizinginholland

so..the title says it all. but i don't want to start anything with him unless he's active again..how can i help him?

You are walking on the edge of the blade here. Your comments say even more about you. Why do you think you are attracted to the "broken" one and have this drive to fix him? He has made his choice clear and you are fantasizing a relationship that does not exist, may never exist, given current conditions. You are closing your eyes to reality in favor of a self generated illusion. That is dangerous.

If he is not active then you have likely little idea why and trying to seduce somebody into activity is a very poor strategy. I am not sure given the circumstances if friendship even may be healthy for you. It seems that YOU are the one interested but not the other way around. You need to ascertain clarity about this or you may be walking into quick sand.

Moksha · #8 (**permalink**) 03-07-2009, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Islander

If he is not active then you have likely little idea why and trying to seduce somebody into activity is a very poor strategy. I am not sure given the circumstances if friendship even may be healthy for you. It seems that YOU are the one interested but not the other way around. You need to ascertain clarity about this or you may be walking into quick sand.

What you said makes so much sense, that as such, it can sort of slap you in the head sometimes.

shaar1 · #9 (**permalink**) 07-09-2009, 11:39 PM

I don,t agree with the last comment from moksha. I too was an inactive member, due to cirtian circumstances. I put my studies and problems before the church and I slowly drifted away. I am beginning to participate and attend church and church activities. I also dated a non member of the church and that also was a part of my drift. I advise you to leave him now if you see this relationship going no where. I had to be strong to do the same. I dated my ex because he had some qualities of a christian man, but there were a lot of other things missing and I knew deep down we were not right together. I made some mistakes and I have learned from them. just pray and follow you insticts. there is a reason for you to have posted this thread and if you are questioning this relationship, then may be there is reason for you to think twice about moving futher.

takoayako · #10 (**permalink**) 08-12-2009, 09:23 PM

I dated a non member for several months, during the time of my meeting with missionaries, baptism, etc. At first it was very easy because we were just classmates. Then it was becoming harder because of conflicting beliefs. He wants to do this, but I cannot do that because of my own beliefs, and because of the Church.

When we were getting a little more serious, it became terribly hard to study my scriptures, go to church on time, etc. I ended up praying, and praying about what to do, and I ended up having to leave him.

The thing is, I was able to make him understand more about the LDS church and often times I felt that I may have "changed him" but he will never be interested in joining the church. I decided that the next boy I date will be an active member. Comments I received from him like, "Damn, why the hell are you going to church again? You went last week!" Was getting very tiring and old....and it needed to stop.

What helped me I made a list of what he did I liked and what he did that I didn't like. He lost terribly with a score of 7-39....